Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Does our perception ever match our reality?

I'm fat. For those of you who know me, you're probably thinking 'duh' right now. I'm aware of this...a lot of the time I'm acutely aware of this. The thing is that sometimes (for brief periods of time) I forget. Then I see pictures...or video and become aware that, not only am I fat, I'm much fatter than I thought. The evolved side of me realizes that I should have the " and?" mentality. Who the hell who should care that I'm fat any more than they care that I have red hair? Yes, there are the health reasons, but let's face it, very few people give a shit enough to think about that when they're looking at you. The evolved side of me watched the F.A.T. pageant the other night and was proud of these girls (versus the other part of me who was thinking the smaller chicks were definitely more attractive). The unevolved, self-conscious part of me is uncomfortable in my body, worries whether I would be able to be hired for the job I want, wonders how I'll ever attract a man. I write all of this because I'm tired of bowing to the evolved side...tired of letting my weak nature and busy schedule win. I want to eat better, exercise more, and not feel like cringing as I watch a video of me.

9 comments:

NotCarrie said...

I wish camcorders, cameras and eyes were all like the mirror here at work-damn, that mirror makes everything awesome!

NotSamantha said...

Well as a group, I think we could assist with that.

Nothing is more jolting to the psyche than realizing that you're not how you percieve yourself, especially if it smacks in the face of a good perception.

So what happens next? You begin the long series of changes that will take you towards your perception, but remember that just because you hit it and become the total embodiment of it doesn't mean that things will run smoother, be easier, etc.

NotCarrie said...

If you give up "the nectar" I'm having you committed, though.

NotMiranda said...

Please! I'm not insane. They make sugar free Red Bull for a reason, and diet coke runs through my veins.

NotCarrie said...

I'm talking a different nectar! They serve it at Mecca!

NotCharlotte said...

i'm giving up french fries. and most fried food. that is my biggest enemy.

NotCarrie said...

I'll give up jellybeans.

NotSamantha said...

I gave up my sanity does that count?

NotCarrie said...

I will give up not making out.