It's been a year ago today since my last relationship. I thought about that statement this morning as I ate breakfast this morning, as I got ready for work, as I drove my lovely 45 minute commute, and by the time I got to my computer, ready to start my daily email discussion with NotMiranda, I was really depressed. Big surprise, huh?
NotMiranda and I talked about this for awhile, not being in relationships and what we can do to "help the situation." As soon as the words "I want to be half of a whole" appeared on the screen from my lovely friend, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head.
That's what I want. That's exactly what I want. That's exactly what I've never had.
My first "relationship" occured in 11th grade. I'm not ready to talk about that one yet, I'll save it for a special occasion.
So my second "relationship" was in the summer before my senior year of high school. NotJimmy. He was two years older than me but had just graduated.
-He was taller than me,
-Sort of chubby-
-had a full on face beard-
-And thick glasses.
It all started at the place I worked. (Why I always have work relationships, I'll never know) We had closed up the shop and everyone decided to go down by the river and drink until we passed out. He and I got really drunk and well, next thing I knew we were "dating."
Don't get me wrong, he was one of the nicest, sweetest guys I have ever met, to this day. There was just one thing wrong with him: he was clingy.
And I don't mean "hold my hand all the time" clingy, I mean "let me have my arm around you all the time what are you doing over there come here and give me a hug oh while we're at it can you change your ring to your left hand so i can hold your right one more comfortably" kind of clingy. This went on for a few weeks.
Now, I was sort of new at this whole "pda" thing so I sort of freaked out. It freaked out my friends too. My best friend at the time, NotTwin, said it best: "It's like he OWNS you."
So instead of talking to him about this, I took the advice of my best friend and broke up with him. In the high class way: on instant messenger. I'm usually proud of my technological savvy, but not this time. I felt so bad about it. And so did he. We never spoke again. Seriously.
As I reflect on this situation, I realize that if I hadn't have cared so much what my friends thought about me, I would have worked this situation out. Instead, I was "peer pressured" into breaking up with a guy that I barely gave a chance to.
In the end, I'm glad I did break up with him; it let me be open to other opportunities my senior year, but I still think about him from time to time. I'm still friends with NotTwin, although our conversations are few and far between. I also realized that she was just doing what she thought was best for me and I appreciate that.
I guess this leads me to my reflection questions:
Do your friendships influence some of your decisions in life? Have they in the Past?