Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The soft rewind...

It's been a year ago today since my last relationship. I thought about that statement this morning as I ate breakfast this morning, as I got ready for work, as I drove my lovely 45 minute commute, and by the time I got to my computer, ready to start my daily email discussion with NotMiranda, I was really depressed. Big surprise, huh?
NotMiranda and I talked about this for awhile, not being in relationships and what we can do to "help the situation." As soon as the words "I want to be half of a whole" appeared on the screen from my lovely friend, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head.
That's what I want. That's exactly what I want. That's exactly what I've never had.
My first "relationship" occured in 11th grade. I'm not ready to talk about that one yet, I'll save it for a special occasion.
So my second "relationship" was in the summer before my senior year of high school. NotJimmy. He was two years older than me but had just graduated.
-He was taller than me,
-Sort of chubby-
-had a full on face beard-
-And thick glasses.
I know.
It all started at the place I worked. (Why I always have work relationships, I'll never know) We had closed up the shop and everyone decided to go down by the river and drink until we passed out. He and I got really drunk and well, next thing I knew we were "dating."
Don't get me wrong, he was one of the nicest, sweetest guys I have ever met, to this day. There was just one thing wrong with him: he was clingy.
And I don't mean "hold my hand all the time" clingy, I mean "let me have my arm around you all the time what are you doing over there come here and give me a hug oh while we're at it can you change your ring to your left hand so i can hold your right one more comfortably" kind of clingy. This went on for a few weeks.
Now, I was sort of new at this whole "pda" thing so I sort of freaked out. It freaked out my friends too. My best friend at the time, NotTwin, said it best: "It's like he OWNS you."
So instead of talking to him about this, I took the advice of my best friend and broke up with him. In the high class way: on instant messenger. I'm usually proud of my technological savvy, but not this time. I felt so bad about it. And so did he. We never spoke again. Seriously.
As I reflect on this situation, I realize that if I hadn't have cared so much what my friends thought about me, I would have worked this situation out. Instead, I was "peer pressured" into breaking up with a guy that I barely gave a chance to.
In the end, I'm glad I did break up with him; it let me be open to other opportunities my senior year, but I still think about him from time to time. I'm still friends with NotTwin, although our conversations are few and far between. I also realized that she was just doing what she thought was best for me and I appreciate that.

I guess this leads me to my reflection questions:
Do your friendships influence some of your decisions in life? Have they in the Past?


NotCarrie said...

I've kept some things more quiet from certain friends because I just didn't want to hear what they had to say. Sometimes they would have been right but sometimes they just wouldn't have understood.

NotMiranda said...

I'm pretty into sharing information. So, in general, I'm pretty open with this kind of thing. I guess it helps that I'm also pretty ok at ignoring people and their unwanted opinions, too.

NotCarrie said...

Having friendships causes me not to move.