Thursday, July 13, 2006

Married-Guy Flirting

I really don't want to give too many details, but a marrried guy has been flirting with me. I am certain that his behavoir towards me is different than that towards the other women I see him interact with. It's not suggestive in a, "Let's go do it in the backseat of my car" way, but it is quite confusing none-the-less! It makes it so I don't know how to talk to him because I am a flirter by nature yet I don't want to get myself into a sticky situation. Either he could get the wrong idea or someone nearby could get the wrong idea and that would be BAD.

I'm not really sure what to do. I like talking to him because we have common interests and he's funny, but having to constantly be aware of NOT flirting is going to be tough.

29 comments:

Vixen said...

Ugh....being conscious of flirting will be a real PIA. I'm a natural flirt myself, so I know how hard it is to reign it in.

Chuckles said...

I had a woman tell me once, "Call me when I get my divorce from that motherfucker finalized in three weeks."

Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to get all prettied up and put it out there. She scared away pretty much everybody, including my wingman. That was a long night at Nanny O'Briens.

NotMiranda said...

I totally get where you're coming from. I've been in a similar situation (remember IT guy from work?). Sometimes I think married guys flirt for some escapism, and for me, sometimes I think I flirt back because I'm afraid of commitment and with them they're unavailable.

Shannon said...

Be careful!!! If he tries to push the envelope, back off and let him know it's not OK....

It indeed can turn sticky if you fall for him...trust me.

NotCarrie said...

And I never flirted first. I actually didn't like him when I first met him.

NotCarrie said...

Haha, Two comments came WHILE I was writing my own. For a minute I thought I had missed them or something.

Maybe he has a hot wife and I remind him of her, haha.

Sweet said...

Ah I've been here, I didn't realize the guy was married at first (I'm still learning to look for rings!). My advice is to back off a little bit. You can still be friendly, but take it down to a non-flirty feeling level.

Anonymous said...

I've got friends at work that call it "emotional cheating." I don't care. I'm unavailable, and I flirt, and I feel like it gives me something to bring back home.

Virginia Belle said...

Run, girl, before you regret it!

i'd keep him away with a 10 foot pole, funny personality or not. avoid him like the plague and spend your time on available men.

just my H.O.

NotCarrie said...

Believe me, I do NOTHING inappropriate. At.All.

Lynn said...

Please. I am sure this is the first time you've noticed that this is happening. There must have been other occasions when a married man flirted with you. If you like being around him then you should still be friendly. He's bold enough to flirt with you--then be bold enough to let him know if and when he's crossed a boundry that makes you uncomfortable.

NotCarrie said...

I'm actually not around too many married people...unles they're there together and then it would definitely be weird for a married man to flirt.

My behavior hasn't changed but there are times when I catch what I'm about to say bc it would be too...flirty?

Chuckles said...

notcarrie said...
Believe me, I do NOTHING inappropriate. At.All.


I don't believe you. Women are all tricksy little vixenses.

NotCarrie said...

Seriously, Chuckles, besides looking hott (which I would be anyway, haha), I am a perfect angel around him:)

Shannon said...

I think it's OK to flirt to get a laugh or to make the other person laugh, but when it turns provocative, that's when it gets messy.

Jordan said...

Well like you said, it's not like you're jumping into the backseat of his car. Flirters are flirters whether they're married or not... it can be harmless as long as lines aren't crossed.
A guy once told me that when you look at any guy you're looking at things on their face like "gee I could really pluck that eyebrow hair that's sticking out.. or his nose is crooked.."... while guys are thinking "gee I wonder if she can get her feet behind her ears... is she a screamer?"
Hmm... so I never forgot that and it actually makes me laugh when I seriously do talk to someone and I am thinking "damn he has a nose hair creeping out.." then suddenly I think... uh oh.

Buffy said...

Step. Away. From the man.

Slowly.

Lindsey said...

Screw the flirting. I get the married men that flat out ask me to hook up. :o(

Clueless said...

I can relate to you. I had a male friend at work a while ago, who I joked with but never even flirted with (and I too am a flirt by nature). he ended up sending me this huge email declaring how he wanted to know my every dream thought and ambition and that his previous email had been blocked as it was "a bit rash". EEP. And older guys creep me out when they get like that so it ruined the friendship and made work afterwards, VERRRY awkward. Sometimes taken people flirt just to boost their flagging confidence from problems at home, innocently enough and there's no harm in it provided they know that you don't mind joking but that there is A LINE. The lonelier that they get, the more seriously they might start to take it - my barometer at these things sucks, good luck I hope you have a better guage.

Miss Syl said...

What NotMiranda said. Except that sometimes I think the men do it not just for escapism but to subconsciously (or perhaps sometimes very consciously) test the waters to see IF they made themselves available, if anyone would still bite...or if they might want to bite themselves, despite the rings on their fingers.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Been there. Not worth it. You either get your heart broken or a slap across the face - in worst case scenario, that might chip a tooth...

Flirty is one thing. The next step is... the other thing!

Chuckles said...

notCarrie, we are indeed cursed for being so hott.

Don't hate us because we're beautiful. Hate us because your lvoers think about us while they are being intimate with you.

But seriously, flirting for some guys I have known was more of a "Still Got It, Aaaalright" thing. Some of my friends do that even though they are married as if to say, Chuckles, I have a ring on and I still can swing the ladies better than you. My silent response is always the same:
When I am out with the guys, I am all pals before gals. But if we were out to groove, I would lay waste to my opponents and salt their earth. With my mind.

pookalu said...

how is it that so many of us have experienced this same thing? shame on married men.

but then again, as other people have said, you flirt, what's to say his intentions are any different from yours?

ok, then again, it's the whole male mentality of "how much can i get away with? clearly i'm married but it doesn't hurt to try..."

so torn. notcarrie, i'm sure you'll do fine, because you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

Chuckles said...

I am a man. I am always trying to get away with as much as possible. But in the legal and professional sense, not the interacting with females sense.

Well, ok, maybe a bit with the interacting, too. A tiny bit of jealousy can be invigorating, but it is really easy to go overboard with that spice.

Senor Beavis said...

A lot of depends on how you're defining "flirting" in this situation. A lot of the natural male-female friendship byplay could be construed as "flirting" depending on how you look at it and who's looking. If I ever get married, I'd still want to have friends at my job.

If it definitely is flirting, then it just depends on how clear the boundaries are. I flirt a LOT more with my female friends with that are married/engaged/attached because it's equally clear on both sides that nothing would actually happen, nor do I want it to. If the understanding that we mean nothing by it isn't there, I don't go near it.

Isabella Snow said...

It's not the married man you need to worry about - it's his wife.

I'd take Buffy's advice and step away.

Rachel said...

Is this a work flirt? Do you report to this guy? Do you know his wife? Do you want to be this guy? Is it worth having a psycho wife on your case? --- These are all just questions. I was involved with a married guy before. Let's just say it ended poorly.

NotCarrie said...

Ha, I do work with him, no he's not a supervisor, no I don't want to get with him.


It's actually calmed down since I wrote this, haha. Hope he hasn't found this blog;)

She Geek said...

Please run. Few things on earth are as intoxicating as a gorgeous flirting married man. Before you know it, you hear about how special you are, how you seem to understand him, sometimes beome The Shoulder, and you get lured in. They may not even realize it but by directing their interest and attention to you, it seems to take whatever insecurities you have and throw them out the door because all of a sudden here's someone who has already Chosen someone else, but now it looks like maybe he should have found you. First you're flirting. Then you're friends. Then you're at happy hour where he tells you he' always liked you.

Please...read my blog. And turn the other cheek - preferably a butt cheek when you're walking away from him. Otherwise you may find yourself trying desperately to separate the pepper from the fly shit...2 years later.

Run.