Monday, July 10, 2006

Good on paper

The older I get the more I become clear to me. I sometimes worry that I'm too picky and prefer the dream of what a man might be like over the reality of what he is. I've been talking to a few guys online recently and am frustrated with how quickly I start finding things wrong with them. One of the guys I'm talking to is nice enough, but I'm finding myself quickly frustrated. He's quick with the banter and asks good questions. However, the spy in me keeps taking what he says and trying to piece together a profile of sorts. First off, he's needy (of contact) and has issues (palpable enough to feel). There has been a decent amount of talk about rejection, etc, and I find muscles in my back starting to knot. I always attract this kind of guy...the guy with problems that he's more than happy to talk about. Whatever happened to getting through the good stuff before starting to bitch about life? Shouldn't I get time to build up some intrigue and affection for you before you lay on the more lackluster side of your personality? Even worse is that when I googled him*, I really liked what I saw on paper, and this has led me to give him more of a chance than I normally would. Do I just keep telling myself I'm not giving people enough of a chance and bolting at the first negative?


*Don't judge...you know you do it, too.

21 comments:

Sandra Dee said...

It can't hurt to meet for coffee first before jumping to conclusions about him. I never rule out online prospects until the in-person meeting.

DCVita said...

These days, no one is perfect. We have all been so hurt before that we get so guarded. Definately give the guy a chance! But your first impression and your gut reaction to someone is ususally correct. I think that at this point of my life, I expect the guy to have issues. Who doesn't at 30?! I guess having low expectations right off the bat is just as bad.

Meg said...

we all google. you're right. :-)

and when it comes down to it, do what you want. If you're not feeling it, don't push it, and just forget about him. If you're somewhat intrigued, give it a couple of dates.

NotMiranda said...

I should probably mention that this guy lives nowhere near me. And, trust me, you guys should know by now that I understand (and have) issues ; )

NotCarrie said...

You KNOW *I* Google people!

Chuckles said...

What does it mean to google somebody?

NotCarrie said...

CHUCKLES!??!!?!?!? What?Do you really not know? Google is the ultimate in finding out about people. Ever wondered where your professor went for undergrad? Google her! Want to know if your boss is a listed pedaphile? Google him!

NotCarrie said...

And this.

See, I only say google if I really use Google.

Lindsey said...

I've thought this very thing about myself. I constantly wonder if it's b/c I'm just too picky and I've come to the realization that no...I'm just not willing to settle for a loser.

Some people do have their expectations too high but I don't and I'm sure you don't either. I just see myself settling for some clingy, jealous, whiny guy when there is someone really great out there that I might miss.

Jordan said...

NM - You are correct in the whole spilling the bad stuff way before you want to hear it... we already know that many people have had issues, especially if they're 30-40.. of course.. but don't tell me about it IMMEDIATELY.. let me just pretend you're perfect for a few weeks ;). It kinda loses something when you know these things too soon. Turns me off too.. so there's nothing wrong with you.

Clueless said...

I'm with Meg, I've googled too. Saves us ever hooking up with a convicted serial killer! ;)

Sorry warped sense of humour. Seriously - me, I tend to be the collector of baby birds with broken wings. I think if they're treating you like their mumma first up, you've got a problem. Crying into their coffee about their issues I've learnt the hard way, is not the start of a healthy relationship based on nice first memories or experiences. It's flattering to be trusted, but to be trusted too soon with inner demons is using you up as their counsellor rather than someone who they want to sweep off their feet.

NotCarrie said...

Great. Now you all have me thinking about what kinds I attract. Probably the distant types who would never want to meet my family?

Chuckles said...

Hee.

I thought the humor in my question would be self evident. But seriously, has a convicted serial killer ever been paroled?

At no point in time has there been a perfect person.

NotCarrie said...

Um, Chuckles? HELLLOOO!!!!!! I'm right here!

Jordan said...

"But seriously, has a convicted serial killer ever been paroled?"

I hope not.. but, rapists, murderers, pedophiles and various other freaks are paroled daily...
Google can be your best friend.

Chuckles said...

I don't know if I can certify anyone as 100% Perfect until I have met them and we've hung out for while. I would need to perform a solid investigation of a candidate's music and movie collection before accrediting them with even the minimum level of Perfect.

In order to attain the highest levels of perfection, I would also need to perform detailed analysis of a candidate's reading materials and habits, grooming habits, and conversational and situational critical thinking.

Some people say I have high standards, but I say perfect is not a word to be used lightly.

NotCarrie said...

I'm confident!

Andrea said...

Hi. New to you. If this is a pattern, then it's surely something you need to work through. That's not to say that you uneed to be with sick boy, but perhaps deal with whatever the over riding issue is. You can do it. Once done, Sick boy is done for good and you're on to Mr Right!!!

Amanda said...

i say give him a chance. have an open mind, but if after giving him that chance you aren't feelin' it, cut your losses. trying to make it into something is difficult as well. and so is ending it with someone who likes you more than you like him. but i am definitely all for a chance or two...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Good on paper - that's all of us, honey!
And you're picky, not TOO picky. You can't lower your expectancy, because you'll end up with someone you in no way connect with. At least that's what I keep telling myself... :D

True said...

Online dating is not a way to meet people, it's a way to GET to meet people. Emails and chats and googling are great, but you haven't met him yet.

Or have you?

I guess I'll just have to keep reading.