In the hopes of not "jumping the shark" as it were, I would like to take a different spin on relationships. Namely, the relationships women have with other women (and no I don't mean in that way you pervert).
When I relocated from Hell (read Richmond, VA), I cut off a few ties I had with people who didn't represent where I wanted to be or who I was trying to grow into. In short I thought they dragged me down and since we hadn't been all that close to begin with, I simply severed the ties completely and burned them at the ends to stop them from growing back when I revisited the ole homestead.
However, one of these ties was just a little bit different. She would be NotBipolar. She and I shared a love of the geekier aspects of my nature and she was someone I could sit down and chat with about my fandoms and not feel like a total trekkie convention reject because she shared similar if not the same fangirl spazziness. However, that was on a good day. On a bad day, she could be counted on to call me constantly, be overly emotional, attack me and others verbally and in short make a total bitch of herself. But I knew and understood that her mental disorder kept her from functioning normally if she wasn't on her meds. I was perfectly happy to accept her as she was and was even understanding of the fact that sometimes taking her meds did her more harm than good.
And then she came to visit me in my newly relocated venue and that changed...
Her visit was unfortunately, on a bad day, and this day also included a run in with NotAStreetcarDesire, who has even less patience than I do for unnecessary shit and annoying people. Did I mention that NotBipolar tended to be on the far side of trying the patience of a saint when not on her meds.
So while I was finishing up a shower NotBipolar came to visit, long story short, she was greeted (I use the term loosely) at the door by NotAStreetcarDesire, who immediately passed judgment that from her dress and looks she must have been a homeless person, which I deeply protested and admitted that she was a friend. Needless to say my sanity was in doubt for a few moments before NotASCD shrugged and went back to what she had been doing.
The visit did not go well to say the least and I ended up telling NotBipolar a lot of the things I had always wanted to tell her, if not for her own sake then definately for my own. She went home that evening I'm sure with two things on her head, 1) She had never seen me so angry before and 2) The friendship as she knew it was over. *snips ties and burns ends in acid*
Fast forward two years to the present.
I got a phone call on Sunday. It was none other than NotBP calling to let me know that she had some news, she had breast cancer.
I asked the questions that I expect most people ask when faced with something like this. "What stage is it?" "Are you going to be doing chemo" "How have you been?" But I couldn't bring myself to reopen that channel of friendship that we had had before. I couldn't bring myself to invite her back into my life or work my way back into hers. And to me that's the saddest part of all because she was the friend that got away and I didn't have the heart or even care enough to pull her back in.
So where does that put me in the human gene pool? I'm sure that by now some of you are either horrified that this is how I acted when faced with someone who used to be a friend or understanding of my place in all this. As for me, I'm not sure, I'm upset somewhat about what I did, but I can't help thinking that I just saved myself a world of hurt by not letting her get to close. This one that got away from me, will unfortunately, have to find someone else to reel her in.