I’m notSamantha and I’m not in Kansas, anymore…

It's not often that I'm shaken and stirred when it comes to men. For the most part they're pretty simple: sex, food, companionship and the occasional sporting event/computer thing/political issue for fun. Well, NotAFreak is bucking my carefully crafted ideas, and I don't like it.

Not one little bit, which would explain why I'm still so attracted, right?

I know women want a man to get them, and I count myself among those women, but to get me so quickly is a little frightening. So is him managing to lay out my issues before I can give voice to them. Seriously, its enough to make me want to run for the hills…maybe.

I've been taking the advice route with this relationship (okay, I didn't stutter, falter or gag…maybe just a bit). NotMiranda and NotASong have weighed in with advice because according to them, I walk away (true), I'm mean (also true) and I let the men I've dated live down to my expectations. So this time, I'm keeping a positive outlook (or as positive and outlook as one as jaded as me can keep), I'm being open to the good things that can happen between us and I'm finding enjoyment in the things we do. All the while trying to keep my head about me. I'm exhausted just typing it all out.

I think it comes down to trust for me. I don't trust easily and letting someone inside that trust takes years. And the fact that NotAFreak keeps revealing truths about me that I haven't told him about, gives him sneaky pieces of my trust and I'm not happy about it. But maybe that's what has to happen. Because I fight my mind and my heart on just about everything, that the man who's going to have a hope of having any type of relationship with me is going to have to outsmart both to get a fair chance…and if they can untangle that Gordian knot, then maybe…just maybe.

Dickmatized…

At about four weeks in, I'm not sure what's going on, but I know it's a lot different from my past relationships. And I can actually call it that without gagging or breaking out into a rash, go figure. I've decided to enlist the help of several of my row dogs. NotASong, NotMiranda and NotCharlotte have all sounded in about what they think about the situation. Because things had smoothed out, become twisted and then smoothed out again. I've been advised to be willing to risk something to get something back, make sure that we take things slowly and to stop thinking NotFreak will live down to my expectations. All of which is welcome and hardy advice and I've been applying it as much as I can.

And then there's the part that I'm usually in more control of but seem to be failing in that regard as well. The sex. In a word its fantastic, in two words its absolutely fabulous. And so I'm at risk of being dickmatized…

*gives self mental slap*

What is being dickmatized you ask…I point you to the Urban dictionary, which defines it as such:

When a girl can not concentrate on anything else because she is distracted with the DICK of her latest piece of ass. Her work is jeopardized, she's a sell out to her girlfriends, she picks up his shit including his kids or whatever. She will do whatever it takes for the DICK. Even if the dick isn't all that great, she doesn't know the difference because she is dickmatized.

Though I will point out that I have yet to pick up his kids…and have no intention of doing so. Because we all know about my rational fear of children. Nor will I be selling out on my girls, because as always hoes before bros. However, I do wonder what I'm willing to do for this dick…I'm going to have to think about that and get back to you…

Now, here's the last bit. There's something there. Feelings and stuff. And fuck if I know what to do with it.

*sigh*

In Which NotSamantha tames her inner Shrew?

So this week was filled with enlightenment on the relationship front.

I had a late dinner/early breakfast with NotAFreak and I realized that my absolute need to control everything will never apply in this relationship.

He's got my number and called me on it.

I was under the impression that I could bend this relationship to my will and get what I wanted out of it and walk away, but now, I don't think that's going to be possible.

So after being visited by a company of ironies in the form of a conversation and Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew." I'm going to do some of my own taming and decide if I'm woman enough to drop the control act and just enjoy the experience.

The More things Change...

Its been a while since I've done this, so hopefully I remember how. Like riding a bike and all of that.

I've started dating again...or rather I've been on one pseudo-date and I'm not really sure if this is what counts as dating. Let me back up and give you some history.

NotKoi emailed me a few weeks ago and asked if she could pass my email addy on to this guy she knew that she thought I would hit it off with. Since, I had just that previous weekend told NotASong that I was ready to hit the dating road again, I figured this was a great opportunity. I said yes. And soon thereafter, NotAFreak entered my world.

He's suave, he's sexy...he's the father of several children (that alone made me almost want to forget I had agreed to talk to him at all) and he's charming.

Our first date was unconventional. A party full of people who I didn't know, but he was more than familiar with. Add to that, him bringing his "row dog" for me to hang with and we've got ourselves an interesting puzzle with too many pieces and not enough holes.

So now, I'm attempting to date him, and I'll keep you updated on the going's on, but its really in the beginning stages and we all know that I'm famous for getting fed up and going with the wind.

Shatter

Those in glass houses should not throw stones.

Was That...

Tumbleweed?

Welcome to 2009!!

Okay, so the ladies of NSATC have been busy living it up…and I know that we haven't kept you up to date, but it's a new year and since the ending part of 2008 sucked for me, I'm sure that 2009 will bring me nothing but good things. Which I will definitely be sharing with you guys (if there's anyone still left).