Where do you prefer to dine?

I was talking to a friend this weekend, and in the course of the conversation, he mentioned the fact that he didn't like going down on a woman. The few times he chose to explore those depths he found distasteful and himself on the verge of gagging. The problem is that he has found himself confronted with women who see this as an ultimatum...be willing to go down on me or hit the road. The thing is I totally get his issue with it. Hell, the idea of doing that makes me* shudder so why should he think it any more pleasant. Granted, I've never** had a guy go down on me, so maybe I don't know what seven wonders of the world I'm missing. I just feel like there are plenty of ways to satisfy me other than that. My opinion aside, I'm really curious to hear from all of you. Is a guy's willingness to do the dive a make or break for you?


*Strictly dickly my dears.
**A old friend really wanted to, but I just couldn't bear to let him. I started laughing.

Overdue

Went to a work barbeque this afternoon. NotElvis was there and I wanted to JUMP his BONES. My god, he looked good.
But did i?
no.
Did he leave early without me talking to him that much?
Yes.
Do i think that one of my other coworkers has a crush on him?
Yes.
Do i need to make a move on him soon?
Uh, yeah.

What did i do instead?
Came home, started drinking and decide to blog about it instead.

I'm so pathetic!

Quality Vs. Quantity

I know that I'm young and shouldn't feel this way and I'm never going to "meet anyone" with this attitude, but my time feels valuable and I often don't want to waste it doing things I don't want to do. Or with people I don't want to be with. Sometimes I think about how I am so not a dater and wonder why and think that maybe I should try to change that. Then, it's a Friday afternoon like today and the only way I want to spend my evening is doing specific things with specific people. I guess a better way to phrase that is that I don't want to just do anything with anyone.

I sound like such a bitch. I'm not! Really! In roughly a week I am going to be insanely busy and I guess I'm already in the mindset of quality over quantity. I don't really want to just go out to a bar where the conversation is of the small variety with strangers when I could spend that same time with close friends even if our activies seem boring to others.

OK, but really, back to the "never going to meet anyone with that attitude"...I think that's crap and I just wanted to take the moment to reiterate that a person can meet "The One" anywhere.

The Game is Afoot...

Tonight, without further ado I began my recon of NotSoccer.

So far I have learned the following:

He likes working with women.
He likes blondes (which I am not, nor will I ever be).
He likes rock music and my music taste (or lack thereof) needs work.
He will send me an email. In part because I gave him said email addy so that he could send me a list of cds that he thinks are the must haves of any collection.

This was a pretty easy task tonight. I just happened to walk into the shipping area of my part time job and there he was. I realized something else tonight, I haven't even balked at the fact that he's hairy, not one quiver of disgust not one blip about having him shave or anything...just me and NotSoccer and a lot of laughing over my music choices. Now all I need to do is get someone to mention his girlfriend so I can find out how that part is working.

Date Lab

A social experiment?? Sign me up! The Washington Post's Date Lab has me incredibly intrigued. Maybe it's the thought of being interviewed for the paper that got me, but I want to participate in this. It appears to be an effort by the paper to pair two single strangers and pay for their date in exchange for their thoughts on the evening to be printed later on. Normally, the idea of a publicized blind date would be terrifying to me, but I think the brief fame it would bring, in addition to the free meal, would make it worth it.

The only requirements are that you must live in the Washington, DC area (um, do I count?), be willing to be interviewed and have your picture published, and you must not be a paper employee. Here is the application questionnaire for anyone interested.

Now, since I won't be applying anytime soon since I will be beyond busy in a few weeks (and hey, the blind date idea is still a little scary to me) I'll post my answers here:

Quick-what's the first thing you do when you get up in the morning? Duh, I groan and then reset my alarm. No wait, I throw on my silk robe over top my lingerie and make breakfast.

What's the last book you read? Straight Up & Dirty by Stephanie Klein. Pam cooking spray will never be looked at the same again.

What's the last song you couldn't get out of your head? "Auto Pilot" Queens of the Stone Age

If you could have any superpower, which one would you want? Why? Maybe to be invisible.

What's the first drink you'd order in a bar? Gin and Tonic

In what ways would you say you are very D.C.?Tough question. I'm hot?

In what ways aren't you? EASY- I don't care what people do for a living. I hate small talk.

Most singletons say they want to meet someone funny. But what's your idea of funny? I like someone who is a quick thinker and witty. Someone who catches on quick to what I'm laughing at whether it's a a scene that reminds me of a movie or the conversation we just heard a snippet of. Random humor is essential. You must be able to laugh at everything.

What hobbies/interests/outlooks/passions would you hope to share with your date? I can't imagine it working with someone who didn't have some interest in music. And a non-tv watcher would probably get the boot, too, and I'm not ashamed to say it. It would help if he likes to cook and clean and pick up my drycleaning.

In your world, what features or characteristics would normally rule someone out as a dating possibility? I won't lie, it would be difficult to date someone much shorter than me, but only bc it makes me feel like a giant and not in the "but she's a hott model" way. BO would be a negative, as would someone who chews.

I didn't answer every question for length reasons, but I am impressed with the types of questions asked. I would feel confident that The Post would set me up with someone good...has anyone else tried this?

Crushing on who?

While, NotCarrie and NotMiranda have the crushes aplenty. I contemplate my one lone crush. Although, I'm not sure if I should even call it that.

Ladies and Gents I introduce to you, NotSoccer. NotSoccer, is a coworker I see occasionally, as in maybe two or three times a month. He's soccer obsessed (hence the name) and such a scruffy sweety that I can't help but think he's cute. Then there's the fact that he's such an overwhelming bottom that it makes me want to test out my flogger *ahem*, but more on that later...way later.

Anyway, right now he's the crush that I'm harboring. I don't have plans for him, yet. I've got recon work to do first. Because, unless I'm mistaken he's got a NotSoccerGirlfriend, and I'm all about ho's before bro's so no poaching on my end if he's taken. But as with all crushes in my book, I can still look at the goods and admire from afar, even if I don't plan to touch.

*dons dark glasses and head scarf*

Up Against A Wall

Sometimes a girl has a day (or a week, or maybe even a month?) when she would really just like to be thrown up against a wall and kissed*. Lately, at work, all I have wanted is for someone to interrupt me in the supply closet from getting new pens by slipping in, shutting the door, and well, you know. The other day I even tried to up my chances of this by visiting the supply closet repeatedly throughout the day. Like someone was really going to risk a harassment charge by meeting me in there. I guess the odds of anything happening with a coworker are pretty low because it's just not the right environment. And no matter how much I want it sometimes, I can't let people know that. It would be weird. And inappropriate. But HOT DAMN, how awesome would it be for NotTaylor to see me go into the supply closet and to come meet me.

There's a Happy Hour in the works though which WILL be the appropriate atmosphere for some suggestive flirting. Maybe after that NotTaylor will know it's ok to go "get pens" with me...



*Or a lot more. Pick your level of debauchery.

Chandler Syndrome

My singles love horoscope:

Your sense of humor is well known, but ask yourself this: Is it possible you're using jokes as a defense against feeling anything else? You need to be real in order to find real love. Think about it.


Whoa! Lately I've been wondering if my sometimes flirty nature is hindering and not helping me. I often joke* around with guys, both the ones I'm just friends with, the ones I just want to hook up with, and the ones I'd like to have a relationship with. Am I confusing them all with what could be assumed are mixed signals? I'm not very good at talking about my feelings blah blah blah, but I don't know how else to let someone know what I want than by using actions.

Scenario 1: The Friend- I'm pretty over-the-top with my flirting when it's just a friend and I think they know it. It's not something I do a lot, but it's kinda of like teasing and the banter goes back and forth.

Scenario 2: The In Between Friend And Relationship Person- These situations usually arise at a bar or designated "out" time. It involves shiny lip gloss, low-cut shirts, and intense eyes. There's no mistaking what I want then.

Scenario 3: The Relationship With Person- The toughest one. How does one stay normal, yet make sure they know something else is desired. And at a certain point, I think the flirting is mistaken for humor, but, as I have noticed in the past with myself, I don't want to stop flirting all-together for fear they will assume I am back to just wanting to be friends. I know I should be a big girl and talk about my feelings**, but I'm also the girl who slid under the table at her 4th birthday because she was so shy.

Which brings me back to why I named this post "Chandler Syndrome." I think I have this sometimes, using humor to offset "real" things, just like Chandler Bing on Friends. My horoscope got me thinking that maybe I really do need to just be real when needed. Hmmm...

Easier said than done, though. Maybe I could alter this to my needs and in future situations say, "I'm going to stop flirting with you, but I want you to know I'm still interested."


*joke=flirt=tease=HUMOR
**and blah blah blah

Because You Can't Fuck Paper...

I'd like to go on record and admit that I have daddy issues. Okay, let me clarify. I have issues with my daddy. Thought, I don't call him daddy, that sounds way too juvenile for me. He's Dad...or to be equal with my mom, I should give him a 'Not' name. So he shall henceforth be refered to a NotARepresentativeoftheManIWanttoMarry. Maybe its this book. Maybe its the two glasses of champagne I've had. Hell, maybe its what he did this week. Okay, its all of the above. Regardless; all I know is that right now I think my issues with my father have a lot to do with my opinion of men in general.

Case in point, my father and I were supposed to trip the light fantastic next weekend up to New Yawk...Longiland (that's how he pronounces it), to be even more specific, for a family reunion, with his side of the family. I should I mention that I've never met anyone from this side other than his sister and the random cousin. The original plan was for him to drive up to meet me in NoVa and I was going to do the driving up north, because I didn't relish having my nails gouged into my skin if he did. I won't mention that in the almost three years since I've left Richmond, he has yet to come visit me. Call and berate me and drop the subtle as a sledgehammer hint that I should move back, yes, drive up to see how I'm living, no.

But I digress.

We were supposed to be heading for New York next week. I had changed the plans I had this week so that I could take the next week off for this family reunion. Imagine my surprise when my mother calls me to warn me that this trip was probably cancelled. So I gave it a day and called my dad to give him the opportunity to tell me. What do I get instead, but him firming up his plans for this trip, which included him telling me what directions to look for online and when to expect him at my place. He padded the conversation with slight money woes and needing to get a part for his truck and when I asked him if he would be able to get this part in time he assured me he would, he then changed the topic to a book he wanted and soon ended the conversation.

*raised eyebrow*

The next day when I spoke to my mother about it she tried to smooth the way for him. She assured me that he was embarassed that he wouldn't be able to go now, despite having talked about it for so long (which I understood), and she said she would urge him to tell me under the guise of me maybe wanting to make other plans (which I had already started doing).

For two days he didn't call or send a smoke signal. I stopped planning for this trip and began firming up my other plans. The next time my mother called I asked her if NotARepresentativeoftheManIWanttoMarry had mentioned to her that he was planning to tell me yet. What she said next solidified a few ideas I've had about men and most of my life in general. He wasn't going to let me know that we wouldn't be going until mid week of next week, so thats about two days before the trip was to actually take place. Anger did not begin to describe my feelings, seething, boiling over rage at the inconsideration is a better description.

But still I let it ride. My mother assured me she would get it resolved and get my father to tell all in the next day or two. Which is why on Thursday, when I got tired of waiting for a call that I knew wasn't going to come, and called NotARepresentativeoftheManIWanttoMarry, myself, I wasn't at all shocked by his small and slipped into part of the conversation we were having murmur that he wasn't going to be able to do the trip.

So what does all of this have to do with the title above...well, I've been thinking about the list I have of prerequisites of dating material and I've always thought it was a bit long and people have commented on how demanding it is. And this incident give me more reason to understand why. I have expectations of men that I need met and each time NotARepresentativeoftheManIWanttoMarry, fails in some small way it goes against what I expect from a man who is in my life, and usually ends up as a 'bad bad thing' on my list of things about my perfect mate. I'm independent to the point where I couldn't even think up a gift for the ex to get me because anything I want I can get for myself. I don't worry about men impressing me because I'm so used to them falling short and not being anywhere near what I want so I stop believing that they are. Hence, they could look great on paper, but as Stephanie Klein admits, 'you can't fuck paper.' And sadly, I'm left with more questions than answers as to how I should move beyond this.

I've considered trimming the list, but eveytime I think of something I could maybe do without I come up with a reason that I need to keep it. Sadly enough, I'm stuck with a bunch of ideas, a great man on paper, a NotARepresentativeoftheManIWanttoMarry, and all I have left to show for it is a handful of papercuts.

Can't Touch This

Last night, a bunch of coworkers (from my real job) got together after work to drink some beers and relax after a few weeks of incredibly stressful work. I brought NotHusband along because he had come to our office Christmas Party last year and everyone loved him.
I met up with him at the mall to help a coworker buy some clothes for her adorable niece. I haven't seen him in almost a month because either he was gone or I was... or we were just too tired to do anything together. I see him, go up and we hug, then he drops a bomb on me.
"I have gonorrhea."
It's like a fucking soap opera. He's all serious, the mall music goes dead and a soft, somber violin starts playing in my head. He looks all pitiful and you know what I say?
"DO NOT TOUCH ME!!!!"
I push him away and the more time passes, the more I think about how fucking mad I am at him. I had spoken with him just the other day and he thought he had gotten a UTI from being dehydrated at Habitat for Humanity in PA. Turns out no, he's just a fucking idiot that doesn't practice safe sex.
I went into my tirade. I told him how lucky he was that he got a "curable" disease. He could have gotten HIV, AIDS, SYPHILLIS! I then go "Now, NotHusband, does this mean you'll listen to me a bit more when I TELL you to be more careful?"
"Yeah, I'm going to listen to myself more too."
What the fuck? The only thing he tells himself is how hot he looks and how much he loves sex.
My friendship with him is going down the tubes. It has been for awhile. After this "huge" event, we went to the bar where he proceeded to talk about himself THE ENTIRE TIME. Every time someone else would bring up a subject, he would start talking and turn the subject into how it relates to him. It got so bad that at one point, my coworker turned to me and went "I don't talk that much, do I? If I ever do, just slap me..."
I was so embarassed. I got the check and made sure we left with a bit of dignity intact.
He was supposed to go into DC with me today to visit NotGay, but I told him that I just want to go by myself. I can't handle another "NotHusband Day"

I know it probably sounds like I'm being harsh, but you don't know NotHusband. I have tried, numerous times, to relate to this guy, to listen to him without getting pissy, but when you're having a serious conversation about yourself and he just nods and then goes right into how bad his life/day/year/penis pain is, you reach a point where you just don't want to hang out with him anymore.

Four weeks passed before I saw him again and to be honest, I didn't really miss him that much.

You Can't Go Home Again...pt2

Remember this post. Well its about to blow up in my face in a big big way. The ex-file opened while I wasn't present to slam it shut and now "the Others" are coming to take me away. That's right...the two words that will make any person who has run fast and furiously away from their hometown, scream in horror.

Class Reunion.

*headdesk*

My mother, NotBettyBoop, sweetheart that she is, gave my cell phone number to NotaMidget, my twice removed, ex-boyfriend. Who then proceeded to call me an ask me about pitching in to help plan the 10 year high school reunion. I knew I should have stayed at work late and left my cell phone somewhere far far away from where I can be reached.

So where does this put me. One year away from seeing the people I went to highschool with, but never saw much of as I entered college. And the same people I didn't seek out after, and who I have no plans on keeping in contact with after this.

*sigh*

I feel so defeated right now...defeated and bitchy, because I can't even dredge up some bit of happiness at returning home to my high school days and the peopl who helped shape me, or at least served as a reminder that I never wanted to be like them. Its in fashion right now to hate your high school years, right? So I'll chalk this up as being fashionable and hope this trend stays popular for at least the next year.

Holly hobby is a whore

The reality of my life crashed head long into the written word today as I read Stephanie Klein's Straight Up & Dirty. I had spent large portions of my day agonizing over the whens, what ifs, and hows of an email exchange with NotStalker. Let me back up.

Last night I turned a daydream into reality and I finally stepped up to the plate*. NotStalker came into the store yet again, and as nervous as I was, I realized I could only tempt fate so often before fate turned around and kicked me in the teeth. After a few deep breaths and one round through the store, I had developed a plan. I'm only 65% bold, so I actually roped another party into passing him a Notice of Attraction card ( remember the procedural dating kit?) with my email address on it. What I didn't expect was him to go back through the store looking for me as I hid in the back (35% cowardice coming through). I was 99% sure he knew who I was so I was confident I could just wait until he took advantage of that email address.

Cut to today, and I'm nauseous this morning in anticipation of an email. I really don't think I'm ever cut out for morning sickness if it's anything like that. He did email, and an email exchange was begun that mentioned meeting for coffee. I realize I'm leaving out a lot of his witty banter and my not-quite-flirty comebacks, but the real point is that I'm still at nauseous and over analyzing his last email. As I rode the bus home tonight with my copy of Klein's book, I came across a passage** was like reality slapping me in the face.

She talks about how as a married person you channel your energy into hobbies like raising a dog or fertility. However, she says that singles tend to think they don't really have an adult life until they're married.

"So we obsess over the meaning of IMs, e-mails, and lack of calls as a hobby. We can almost spreadsheet the interactions with our respective dates.
E-mailed him twice, called once.
Returned his call. Ball is in his court.
He asked you out. Up to you to respond.
We could try to elaborate, adding which story we told to whom, but it would require more typing than it's worth. And when there is no guy, we create them or resurrect the older ones because we don't what to do with the available energy we still have after our yoga, spinning, and elliptical efforts." Stephanie Klein, Straight Up & Dirty

Holy shit. This is everyone I know, including me...including today. Ho.ly.shit.


*I actually called in a relief pitcher, but who's counting, right?
**I hope she's ok with me reprinting a small passage (crossing fingers).

Everybody Hurts

I almost smoked a cigarette tonight. After almost a year of not even touching one ever since I "quit" even though I never started. When your kissing someone on a regular basis who does smoke, it makes things more enjoyable to not be startled by the taste of cigarettes. I never bought a pack and never got to the point where just one wasn't enough to make me light-headed, but it was still a disgusting routine I had gotten into. Drinking=a cigarette. Party=a cigarette. The boyfriend who smokes=a cigarette. For a girl with a high tolerance of alcohol, but a low tolerance for paying for drinks, nicotine provided that extra bit of light-headedness I was looking for back in the day.

So earlier tonight, when I was driving down that familiar road, and caught a whiff of my hair, fragranted by cigarette smoke not from me, I was whisked down Memory Lane. Sometimes I hate Memory Lane. Tonight Memory Lane took me back to ease and familiarity. It also took me back to friends I don't speak to anymore yet who, at the time, I believe were completely infatuated with me, maybe even in love with me if I can speak so grandly. This is a person who's gestures and meanings were so misread and often just completely missed that it took me until after we weren't friends anymore to realize the situation that had been created. And even though I most definitely never had similar feelings for him, I would be lying to say that knowing someone wanted me like that didn't feel kind of special.

Unfortunately, in that situation the stars weren't aligned and nothing could have ever come from that. I felt kind of bad at the time because I did like the attention he gave me and worried I was leading him on. But he wanted me and who doesn't want that? Everybody wants to be wanted. Everyone has a sense of need, and if it's not coming from where you want it, it's easy to fall into that trap of getting it from where you can.

Pimps, 'Hos, Suzy Q's and Joe Blows

Okay, I've been thinking about this one for a few days (weeks actually), and its finally come together enough for me to post about it. *imagine NotSamantha having a semi-serious side*

It seems like everywhere I turn there is this dynamic of hot guy(read pimp) must get hot girl (ho), the two chase around each other in various forms of dating. There's internet dating sites which champion those who have the means to get online, post their picture, and some comments about themselves and wait for the potential hot person of the opposite and/or same sex to respond. Or the internet classified ads which again, with a picture and a few lines, you too can be eyed by all and sundry and have the opportunity to meet the guy of your internet dreams.

And while there's nothing wrong with looking good, because self confidence is a worthwhile thing, isn't there a point where it crosses a line; where doing this one final thing will take you from the realm of the regular schmucks (read Suzy Q and Joe Blow), right into the clutches of pimp and ho 'dom. And I can't even tell you where the line in the sand is, because I don't know, but as I sit here thinking about my next move into the dating pool, I can't help but question my pretenses and the lists of things that I have that my ideal candidate for a mate must have. Instead of the ho, putting myself out for any and every guy to take a bid on via paying for the date, buying flowers and just generally trying to impress me, have I become the pimp, showing off the wares of my virtual self in the hopes of enticing someone to make a bid (strike up an email conversation) for my time.

Pimps, hos, Suzy Q's and Joe Blows, eh. People all and daters alike. This post was way too deep for me, but it was something I needed to put out there. Because whether or not we're putting ourselves on display as the super-hott, totally fine girl/guy or the regular girl or guy that just wants a date and mate we are all at some point just people trying to make our way through the sticky part of adulthood that involves pairing off two by two.

Night Flight

I don't know why, but today I felt a wave of self confidence wash over me. Perhaps it was that I wore one of my favorite skirts, my hott tall shoes and a bright green shirt, but I was all smiles and sunshine.
Work was great, I found out my next paycheck is going to be a crazy amount, the hours flew by, and we all ate lunch with one of the cute interns that went on a work trip with us. (Yes, I did flirt). I also found out that this guy from Radford we worked on a project with about a year ago is working with us again and he asked one of my coworkers if I still worked there. He was then like "Oh, I bet she doesn't even remember me... but tell her I said hi."
Cue teasing cackles and "k-i-s-s-i-n-g" songs.

But that's beside the point. I got off at 1 and rode my little "i'm so cute, I'm so happy" high all the way to my other job. I didn't work at my other job today, but I felt the need to buy things (BTW, NotCarrie thanks for the cd recommendation... Mogwai is just what I wanted!).
So I get there and it turns out NotElvis is working (okay, it didn't "turn out" that way... my clandestine partner in crime was working too and she told me he was...) so I decided to talk to him for a bit while i searched cds. We got to talking and I asked him if he was going to the party on Saturday being held by one of our coworkers. He was like "Yeah, I'd like to, I need to get the address from someone... I hope i can find it." I finally got my purchases together and as he started to ring me up, the light bulb went off in my head. "Listen, if you want I can give you a ride there..." he looked at me and without hesitation went "okay, what time?"
So it's set. He's coming to my house on Saturday and then we're going to the party together.
He also got my phone number.

So, what's my next step? I can't get drunk on Saturday since I'm the driver. The party starts early so chances are we'll leave early. I'm giving two other people a ride there, how do I get rid of them so I can invite him into my house alone? Do I get him drunk and take advantage of him? The chances of it not being weird the next day at work are slim to none if that happens.
Besides, he's not that kind of guy. And that's not the kind of thing I want.

I've got two days to figure out how to tell him I like him. I've got to on Saturday or I think I'll lose my mind...

Not So Married Anymore...

Well, well, well...So married guy, the one who was confusing me a bit with his friendly, flirty behavior towards me, is, as it turns out, NOT married. Well, technically he stll is, I suppose, but seeing as how he is dating someone a little close to home (away from home) he's as good as single.

So I didn't imagine the flirting and I also did not imagine the ring I had seen on his left hand. What a crazy situation this has turned into, but I have to say I am still glad I never flirted with him before. How awkward would it have been to find out from the person he's dating about their situation and then to think back to me telling her all about our flirty conversations. This new information about him did cause me for a moment to wish I had found out before. All of a sudden, once I found he was single and taken all at the same time, he was kind of appealing. Just for a moment, though. I got over it quickly.

Speaking of...I'm running with no crushes still. I did find myself checking out NotTaylor as he walked away, and giving him a patented 'look' when he asked what I've been up to lately and if I've been finding boyfriends. NotMiranda said that if I don't try to makeout with him then she'd ask for an introduction. I'm working on it, there's a happy hour in the works!

Master & Commander

While NotCarrie is trying to start over with a clean crush slate, I've found that I've become some kind of crush slut, juggling multiple nefarious flirtations. I hadn't even bothered to give any of them Not names until now.

NotStalker - He may very well be my favorite, and I don't even really know him. It's been a good three weeks since we last made eye contact and waved...since he followed me off the metro. He's the kind of guy you daydream about and feel like you know him even though you don't. Can our lives continue to intersect without my even knowing his name? Not if I can help it.

NotDiggler - While NotStalker may be my favorite, NotDiggler is certainly the most fun. Flirting with him is my guilty pleasure. He's like eating Haagen Dazs while on a diet...so bad for you but so worth it. Tattooed and pierced with a likely interest in recreational drugs, he knows how to play (flirt) with a girl and is on my short list for future makeout partners.

NotGeorge - Did you ever see that episode of Sex & the City where they go to California and Miranda visits her New York friend. That's NotGeorge! He's also the almost accidental online sex guy. He probably doesn't even qualify for the crush category, but periodic flirtation mixed in with sarcasm and negativity gets him a couple of steps in the right direction.

NotManga - NotManga is my secret crush that no one knows about. He's a quirky fellow who's working his way to being a comic book artist. He's thoughtful, kind and most of all DIFFERENT. I've seen him off and on for a year or two, but we've only recently begun talking. He's my shy crush.

Dreamy McDreamerson

Well, no word yet from our possible lurker yet, but as promised, this party is SO not stopping!

I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend* the other night. Parts of it were a bit futuristic and very 12 Monkeys**, but I guess the parts that mattered were my interactions with him...or lack thereof. In the dream I ran into him and ended up going back to his place with what I guess were "intentions." Once we got there though he started playing video games and was ignoring me. (Go figure!) Then, very unlike me, I laid on his bed in hopes that he would see me there and finally understand the intentions that brought me there. It was very clear in the dream that I wanted to makeout with him. And the ironic part*** was that back in the day, I think he tried everything he could to try to get me ON a bed and I always found a reason not to or to have to leave. (You can see why he's an ex, right?) So I'm just dumbfounded in the dream, wondering how he can ignore the hott*** girl on his bed while he plays...video games. It wasn't even Halo which I could maybe understand. If it were Halo I wouldn't be on the bed, I would be next to him killing his XBox ass with a torpedo gun or something...

Hmm, I digress...


So do you think there is something more to my dream? It can't be about the ex-bf, I know it's not about that. Thoughts otherwise, though?


*The easiest way to describe him.
**OMG, Brad Pitt! HOT!
***"Don't you think?"~Alanis
***Do not argue, it was a dream!

Looking up from Rock Bottom…

Last week opened with me admitting my descent into a rut, this weekend, finds me contemplating new beginnings.

Be it diet, dating or disasters (the three Ds that most of us know), there is always the next day, hour or minute that will give us the opportunity to start anew.

And that’s what I plan to do today. I’m renewing some vows I made to myself, I’m remembering why I made the decisions I did and I’m reminding myself that I need to stick to my guns.

BNSk(Before NotSkippy), I was a fairly outgoing, physically active woman of the world. DNSk(During NotSkippy), I moved further and further away from my gym status and closer and closer to becoming a home body and abandoner of her friends. Now in ANSk(After NotSkippy), I’m in the land of not caring and rutdom and I need to break out. So let the breaking commence.

I thought that a night on the town would do it, maybe a movie or two, a drink with friends or something equally social. But, as with most things that I need, the physical rules for me. So with my gym bag firmly in hand, my CD player (because I haven’t broken down and gotten an mp3 player yet), and my stack of mags I’ll be heading to the one place where I can beat my body and mind into submission, the gym. Retail therapy, yeah I could, but cute shoes aren’t what I need (besides, I just dropped some cash last week on the hottest grey snakeskin heels). I need to hit the reset button on me, to clear away the blue screen of death I’ve been staring at for way to long.

So thanks for the understanding and well wishes, I’ll think fondly of you guys as I head out tonight. I’ve been at square one before, I’ve started over before, and this time, I’m hoping to not be at rock bottom before I realize what is wrong.

Accidentally doing it

Just to prove we haven't been scared away, I thought I'd tell you about how I almost accidentally had online sex last weekend. I had spent all day tooling around town in the oppressive heat with NotCarrie and had decided to spend the evening at home in my climate-controlled apartment. I had begun messaging an online friend* earlier in the afternoon and continued to talk to him as I swung by the grocery store. Rather than the something for dinner I had stopped for, it suddenly seemed like a good idea to buy a bottle of wine. As he helped me pick out a bottle, he commented how it felt like a date. I began to get the sense then that mixing a bottle of wine and a little instant message could mean trouble. As the wine flowed, my fingers (hello...instant messenger?!) and tongue untied the knot that usually holds me in check. Suddenly I found myself smiling at my sidekick** and giggling to an empty room. We talked about dating and the opposite sex, among other things. I think I mentioned him and know he was on my mind. Then my stupid fingers somehow confessed how being tipsy makes me horny (sorry...know you hate that word, NC). When the message on my screen started blinking, 'what are you wearing?', my eyes widened and I reached for my wine glass. Was I ready for this? Did I want this? By this time any delicate sipping of the wine has gone out the window and I'm full-on chugging. If you know me at all, you won't be surprised by the fact that I was honest and admitted wearing flannel pjs***. I did make the effort to inquire as to what he was wearing. Conversation flowed, continuing on a slightly more normal path. Wine, time and a desire to leave out details keeps my memory hazy, but suddenly he was asking whether I had the skills to type on my phone with one hand. I'm not going to lie...I said I did (not one to play down my typing skills). More hazy time passes, and I finish my bottle of wine. I'm still thirsty and discover the last two Woodchuck pear ciders in the house. I down**** them and confess my sins via AIM. He asks if I need to be punished. I have to admit that after 5 hours, 1 bottle of wine, and 2 pear ciders I was intrigued. He, of course, was a tease. Jump ahead another hour to 1 am and my tipsy self is getting drowsy with no one to hold my hand. The conversation does eventually end in a fairly anti-climatic fashion after 6 hours. And that, my friends, is how I almost had online sex last weekend. Just remember, wine and AIM are a risk combination.


*Acquaintance? Flirtation? I really don't know. How about some guy I've been talking to sporadically online?
**My phone...the instrument I was using to have said AIM conversation.
***What? Flannel can be hott.
****I normally can down nothing with alcohol. I was drunk by this point.

Gorillas in the Mist

I'm sitting here at my fucking desk about to have a heart attack. My eyes are watering and my heart is pounding. As is obvious from our "names", this was meant as an anonymous blog amongst the girls where we could vent, share, etc. While we talk about other stuff, it is and will remain primarily a dating (or lack thereof) blog. Don't get me wrong, a miniscule set of (girl) friends we know in real life read and love us. However, imagine if one of our dear male friends ever stumbled across the blog. If it were you, would your eyes water and your heart race like mine is? If you're out there reading (and you know who you are), please just let us know you found it. If I'm right, you've been reading for a bit and are obviously ok with what you read. I just need to know I'm not so anonymous anymore.

Not Miranda




Maybe we were naive in thinking we could continue to be anonymous on this blog. We started off with no readers and now we're getting upwards of 40 comments a day and can even be found by Googling, "Sex and the City." And sure, as NotMiranda said, a few of our girl friends do know about the blog and even a few of our blogger friends have put together some clues to figure out who we are. But the difference between those people and the potential lurkers* who may in fact be people we know, is that we had the control still. I could hang out with NotRebecca (a real friend, someone I know outside of the blogger world who does know about this blog) and then write about our evening, but I could also explain what I meant by certain parts. She knows there is more to me than constantly talking about crushes and kissing and so-and-so who happens to be male. So, for this blog, the four of us take what we do day in and day out and look at it from a different perspective. What worries me about lurkers who know us, is that he (sorry, they) might not realize this.

Reading this blog without knowing the whole story or hearing it straight from me is like reading my secret diary. Of course it's not my every thought and sure, sometimes I have to focus on certain things for the sake of a point, but a lot of stuff in here is heartfelt and not something I would want to be read and known about the next time I see someone in person.

So, like NotMiranda said, if you're out there, and you're feeling like we're pointing right at you...we are. So let us know, ok?


NotCarrie


*Lurkers are those who read but never comment.

Clean Slate

In an effort to no longer be CRAZY, I am wiping my crush slate clean and starting over. The beauty of a crush is that, ideally, it is merely an interest and therefore, something I can stop doing. (Easier said than done, eh?) Crushes that go on for too long become toxic because the behavior becomes a habit and at some point, it's either more than just a crush or the crush has gone but the behavior has not.

When I had the crush to end all crushes on my friend in college it lasted for years and at one point, after I hadn't seen him for awhile, I knew it was ridiculous to keep that up. Now, this was a rare case because I did see him again soon after that realization and I almost threw up because of the damn butterflies in my stomach but that's neither here nor there. OK, bad example.

My friend just said to me how she wishes she could, "turn [her] crush off" and if I could have yelled through the computer, I would have said, "I KNOW!" just like Monica on Friends. Sometimes crushes come at the wrong times and sometimes they're on the wrong people. Have you ever had even the teeniest little crush on a friend's boyfriend? I have! Not that I did anything about it, but what an awkward situation. And what about when you're with one person and develop a crush on someone else? Talk about a sticky situation...or the times when I've wanted to be with someone who was already with someone else. Ugh, the heartache!

So as of today, July 18th, 2006, NotCarrie has no crushes and will be accepting applications. Ha, just kidding, but really, I need to start fresh. Out with the old, in with the new.


(I will update on people who still have crushes on ME, though.)

Song for the Asking

I was gone for a week on a trip for work and it gave me a lot of alone time.
I took most of that time to sleep because we had 12 hour work days, but in between the prancing around in high heels and sleeping under the down comforter in my lovely hotel room, the only thing I could think about was how great this week would have been if i had had someone to be there with me.

I've been thinking a lot about my life and what my future has in store for me and I always get stuck on the fact that it would be so much easier to make these life changes if i had someone to be there with me.
In one year's time i will be a college graduate and what I have planned for what I do after I get my diploma involves moving away from Virginia and starting all over again, by myself.

The entire week I was gone I was so lonely I couldn't stand it. Even when I was with my coworkers, most of them would talk about their familys and husbands waiting for them at home. I would just nod and sort of "uh huh" at them but inside i was yearning to say the same things about them. I visited one of my closest friends to help her plan things for her wedding and when i saw her and her fiance' together I couldn't stop the pangs of jealousy from shooting through my body.

I saw "The Devil Wears Prada" today and the main character was starting fresh in NYC at a hellious job but you know what? She had a wonderful (and hot) boyfriend to come home to.

I want that. So bad.

I'm just saying that it would be nice to have someone to share all of these experiences with.

I don't think i'm ready to face another chapter in my life without someone there with me to open it.

Me, The General, Edy's and 1 Corona....

*insert Garth Brooks refrain of 'Two Pina Colodas" here*

It's been a hard month of nothing, and I mean crickets chirping kind of nothing. No men, very little interaction with the girls *my fault not theirs*, which leads me to tonight. My Friday night-in ritual has officially gotten old and tired enough to become my Friday night rut, as in stuck in.

I'm in the mood to shake things up a bit, but I'm lacking that little thing called motivation. And it seems to be passing over into the other parts of my life. I've given up on dating, cooking *almost*, mixing it up with friends, taking care of myself and just about everything has hit the "meh" on the 'want to do' scale. So here's what I need. Some inspiration from the readers out there. I need to get off my butt and do something, see people and be somewhere that involves meeting those of the opposite sex....any ideas?

Married-Guy Flirting

I really don't want to give too many details, but a marrried guy has been flirting with me. I am certain that his behavoir towards me is different than that towards the other women I see him interact with. It's not suggestive in a, "Let's go do it in the backseat of my car" way, but it is quite confusing none-the-less! It makes it so I don't know how to talk to him because I am a flirter by nature yet I don't want to get myself into a sticky situation. Either he could get the wrong idea or someone nearby could get the wrong idea and that would be BAD.

I'm not really sure what to do. I like talking to him because we have common interests and he's funny, but having to constantly be aware of NOT flirting is going to be tough.

Whatever Happened To That Guy?

What's a girl to do when her Netflix are a day late and there's nothing on TV? Turn to already owned DVDs, I guess. And with all of the news stories about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' missing baby, Suri, it's no wonder my choice tonight was to throw on Dawson's Creek.

Before you make fun of me, let me get to my point: I went to school with a NotPacey. Cute, mischievous, misunderstood at times, and dated the good girl who got good grades. We were all surprised when they started dating-what did he see in her? What did SHE see in him? It was the perfect example of opposites attracting, but, over time I definitely started to see what she was seeing.

NotPacey was a catch! Not only was he cute but he was sweet and intelligent, always up for an adventure, and romantic. They dated throughout senior year and their first few years of college and although I lost touch with both of them, I never forgot him. I heard through a friend when they broke up a couple of years ago, and I would be lying if I said I didn't wonder where he ended up or where he is now.

I'm not holding my breath waiting to see NotPacey again as it has been way too many years, but he was a good lesson learned that there is more beneath the surface of people and that is really what counts. It was good for me back then to realize that it wouldn't be embarassing to have a crush on the goofball or the guy who wouldn't be chosen for Male Hottie of the Year. My last two big crushes? Definitely not the types of guys to fall on most girl's radars. I really think that thanks to NotPacey I was confident enough to come forward with my feelings in those situations.

(I've been REALLY introspective lately. I'm not sure what's up.)

Good on paper

The older I get the more I become clear to me. I sometimes worry that I'm too picky and prefer the dream of what a man might be like over the reality of what he is. I've been talking to a few guys online recently and am frustrated with how quickly I start finding things wrong with them. One of the guys I'm talking to is nice enough, but I'm finding myself quickly frustrated. He's quick with the banter and asks good questions. However, the spy in me keeps taking what he says and trying to piece together a profile of sorts. First off, he's needy (of contact) and has issues (palpable enough to feel). There has been a decent amount of talk about rejection, etc, and I find muscles in my back starting to knot. I always attract this kind of guy...the guy with problems that he's more than happy to talk about. Whatever happened to getting through the good stuff before starting to bitch about life? Shouldn't I get time to build up some intrigue and affection for you before you lay on the more lackluster side of your personality? Even worse is that when I googled him*, I really liked what I saw on paper, and this has led me to give him more of a chance than I normally would. Do I just keep telling myself I'm not giving people enough of a chance and bolting at the first negative?


*Don't judge...you know you do it, too.

Hot Fun In The Summertime!

My usually Sunday routine is totally shaken up today and I'm going to be a few places where I normally am not. I'm looking forward to each time as my new mindset is to always be open to meeting new people.


And I hope these new people just so happen to be hott guys in between the ages of 24 and 30.

For What Reason

I was reading one of my coworker's blogs yesterday and found something very interesting.

There is this girl that works with us and she is the most annoying, childish, attention-craving girl I have ever met. She is loud, obnoxious, and clueless about anything that doesn't involve God, paper products, and cute purses. I think it's important for me to also explain that she is one of the most naiive and innocent people I have ever met. It's also safe to say that she is choosing to be a Virgin until marriage.

That being said, my coworkers blog detailed events that occured one night when they were working together. Apparently this girl gets hit on at work on a regular basis. My coworker watched as this girl got this guys number by him just walking up to her and asking for it.
When my coworker asked her about it, she goes "Yeah, if I get through the other 10 phone numbers I've gotten lately, we'll see if he works out."
Pretentious, snobby answer aside, I really don't understand this. Neither does my coworker. In her blog, she goes on to ask that if she is neither obnoxious nor loud, why does she never get asked out at work? Why don't guys come up to talk to her and ask for her phone number?

At the time I read her blog, I didn't have an answer. I thought about it for awhile and I think I came up with a great answer.

My coworker (along with a lot of us equally wonderful women), seem to exude something that this loud mouthed girl lacks: Self Confidence. She is loud because she craves attention she doesn't think she can get by being herself.
Men can't prey on women that ooze "talk to me-- I dare you"-ness. They ask this girl out because she looks innocent and has the look of a hurt puppy.
These guys are probably the same ones who watch nothing but football on the weekend, wear popped collar shirts and promise---PROMISE to pull out at the last second.

I feel bad for this girl.

I think I've got something here, but please let me know what you guys think.

Since I'm doing a fine job of holding to the No Sex of No Sex & the City, I've been hard-pressed to find something to write about. I haven't stopped noticing all of the attractive men I run across though. They pass me on the street, work with me in the office, stride through my dreams. I am constantly in amazement of how we each find such different things attractive. Don't get me wrong...this is an awesome survival instinct. I'd hate for us all to be fighting for the same kind of mate! I like my guys tall in the extreme and prefer to quirky to the beautiful. I appreciate the Brad Pitts of the world but fall in love with the Adrian Brodys. Dark hair, a little shaggy...big, rough hands. I want to be made to laugh and want a little passion about something (don't even care if that something is Star Trek). I do have my eye on a guy right now that seems to fit my "type", but it's proceeding at mach zero. In the interim, I dream date.

Can't Romance On Demand

Lately I've fallen into this weird, "I need a boyfriend" mindset where every situation seems like it would be better if I had one. I've never been like that but I think I got caught up in mixing up "needing" and "wanting". I think it's fine to want a significant other but needing one? The only things I need are food, water, shelter, and maybe chapstick.) (Back the basics, eh?)

So in honor of this, and since summer is the perfect time for cheesy pop songs, I bring to your attention Natasha Bedingfield's current hit, "Single":


I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood


Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant


I love the, "I'm single (Right now)" part, haha.

But Girls Don't Use The Loo

I had to laugh at myself when I just avoided walking by NotTaylor on my way back upstairs because I was holding toilet paper. I noticed it was running low so, being the good officemate I am, I ventured downstairs to grab some more rolls. But then, when I saw him, I got immature and shy and decided to take the back stairs up to my desk instead so I would avoid running into him.

I'm such a dork!

Pheromones UP!

There have been some good suggestions given to NotCharlotte on how to let NotElvis know she is interested. Thinking back to my own ways I realized they ran the gamut from emailing to using the kissing approach. My "old" age has me wary of the process of slowly letting him know I like him and using the touching-his-arm technique. Right before my last birthday I got in the "F*&% this, I'm almost ** years old! I can't keep playing these games!" mindset. It just felt dumb for me to wait around for someone to realize I was interested. Now, don't let me kid you, I'm still way too shy to come right out and tell a guy I like him or to even ask him out but at least my realization has me moving in the right direction.

It sucks there can't be a way to let a person know without the potential for embarassment or awkwardness. So my bored mind gets the idea of an auction and the paddles they use (or at least, they use in the movies since I've never been to a real auction to witness this) to show interest in an item and to bid on it. NotMiranda has mentioned before how she wishes we had that texting capability they used to advertise where you could write to someone in close proximity.

Imagine if we had something easy like that. Just something subtle to show interest. Maybe in the future we'll have pheromones we can turn on and off depending on who is around. "Oh, NotEwanMacGregor is around? PHEROMONES UP!" and he won't be able to resist.

Until then though, PLEASE keep those ideas coming, I'm sure we could all use the advice/ideas.

Float On

Rain makes me want a boyfriend.

It's absolutely pouring outside, roads are flooded, it's a bit chillier out than it has been in the past and all I could think about on my drive home from a friends house was how nice it would be to cuddle up with someone and watch a movie.

I have decided to tell NotElvis that I like him, but I'm having trouble figuring out the right approach. NotMiranda has some "Notification of Attraction" cards left, but considering I rarely see him and I'm not even sure if he'd follow email instructions since he isn't an "email person," I'm not sure if it's the route to go.

So here I am, asking you my fellow Not-Followers for advice. How should I go about letting NotElvis know of my attraction to him without it:
a. being weird
b. embarassing the Hell out of me
c. catching the attention of the rest of our coworkers.

Anything at all would help...
for now, I'm off to watch Waiting for Guffman and try to not lament the loss of my "I'm single and happy about it" stance on life.

What Not To Wear

This past weekend I headed to the ol' stompin' grounds to hit the bar scene with NotSusan, my go-to girl for crazy, night-out antics. We started off at our favorite bar ever, the place where so much has happened and I always look forward to going to.

I knew ahead of time that NotSmellsGood would be around but, unfortunately, he's off the market as his relationship is hitting the multiple years mark and our flirting days are over. It's okay though because except for that one drunken night when I kissed him many, many years ago, nothing was ever going to happen with him. Not that I even wanted it to since he's well, related to NotRoger and what a weird, sick relationship that would be!

NotTownie had also gotten in touch with me earlier in the day to check on my plans so I was definitely looking forward to seeing him. We had a few moments of our usual sexual innuendo-filled conversation but he actually ended up headed home early because he didn't feel well. It's okay though because he made sure to tell me he would be around all summer. Yes!

After getting hit on by a Snoop Dogg look alike with some interesting dance moves, we moved on to our second location to meet up with NotSmellsGood and his girlfriend. This is also where NotDreds met up with us. The second place was better and worse at the same time. I hate going out in the summer because not only does my hair get gross from the humidity but, the bars get so stinking hot! This second place was outside so it did feel a little less stuffy but it definitely wasn't my scene.

The best part of that place, though, was commenting on the other women's outfits with NotDreds. I find it fascinating to find out what guys consider hot or sexy and what they are totally turned off by or find slutty or ugly. I was wearing a black skirt and low-cut, scoop-neck black shirt with just enough turquise peaking through. NotDreds approved but it may have been my hott (NOT-FLAT!) shoes I was wearing. He did NOT like the few girls daringly trying the shorts look and tended to prefer fitted capri pants over the loose ones. He was all over the map with his shirt preferences. I commented favorably on those outfits I found fashionable while he developed no theme to his preferences. His favorite outfit of the Fashion Police session was on the Claire Danes look-alike wearing tight jeans and an even tighter pink lace, sleeveless shirt.

I really want to do more of this and ask more of my guy friends what clothing items appeal to them. It is fascinating to me and I won't stop until I find some rhyme and reason to their choices for "hot". Not that it will necessarily affect how I dress but any peak into that male brain is one I'll take.

The One that Got Away...

In the hopes of not "jumping the shark" as it were, I would like to take a different spin on relationships. Namely, the relationships women have with other women (and no I don't mean in that way you pervert).

When I relocated from Hell (read Richmond, VA), I cut off a few ties I had with people who didn't represent where I wanted to be or who I was trying to grow into. In short I thought they dragged me down and since we hadn't been all that close to begin with, I simply severed the ties completely and burned them at the ends to stop them from growing back when I revisited the ole homestead.

However, one of these ties was just a little bit different. She would be NotBipolar. She and I shared a love of the geekier aspects of my nature and she was someone I could sit down and chat with about my fandoms and not feel like a total trekkie convention reject because she shared similar if not the same fangirl spazziness. However, that was on a good day. On a bad day, she could be counted on to call me constantly, be overly emotional, attack me and others verbally and in short make a total bitch of herself. But I knew and understood that her mental disorder kept her from functioning normally if she wasn't on her meds. I was perfectly happy to accept her as she was and was even understanding of the fact that sometimes taking her meds did her more harm than good.

And then she came to visit me in my newly relocated venue and that changed...

Her visit was unfortunately, on a bad day, and this day also included a run in with NotAStreetcarDesire, who has even less patience than I do for unnecessary shit and annoying people. Did I mention that NotBipolar tended to be on the far side of trying the patience of a saint when not on her meds.

*headdesk*

So while I was finishing up a shower NotBipolar came to visit, long story short, she was greeted (I use the term loosely) at the door by NotAStreetcarDesire, who immediately passed judgment that from her dress and looks she must have been a homeless person, which I deeply protested and admitted that she was a friend. Needless to say my sanity was in doubt for a few moments before NotASCD shrugged and went back to what she had been doing.

The visit did not go well to say the least and I ended up telling NotBipolar a lot of the things I had always wanted to tell her, if not for her own sake then definately for my own. She went home that evening I'm sure with two things on her head, 1) She had never seen me so angry before and 2) The friendship as she knew it was over. *snips ties and burns ends in acid*

Fast forward two years to the present.

I got a phone call on Sunday. It was none other than NotBP calling to let me know that she had some news, she had breast cancer.

I asked the questions that I expect most people ask when faced with something like this. "What stage is it?" "Are you going to be doing chemo" "How have you been?" But I couldn't bring myself to reopen that channel of friendship that we had had before. I couldn't bring myself to invite her back into my life or work my way back into hers. And to me that's the saddest part of all because she was the friend that got away and I didn't have the heart or even care enough to pull her back in.

So where does that put me in the human gene pool? I'm sure that by now some of you are either horrified that this is how I acted when faced with someone who used to be a friend or understanding of my place in all this. As for me, I'm not sure, I'm upset somewhat about what I did, but I can't help thinking that I just saved myself a world of hurt by not letting her get to close. This one that got away from me, will unfortunately, have to find someone else to reel her in.

I now pronounce you...

...bride and member of the party.

Last weekend was NotThatYoungAunt's wedding and she did all of the older adults a favor and said no children beyond the flower girl and two ringbearers would be allowed at the reception. *does dance of non-screaming fun at the wedding reception*

But beyond that, it was a weekend to remember. Wonderful flowers (done by the bride herself), beautiful wedding party, NotBettyBoop (my mother) was radiant in her role as the matron of honor, and I stood on the sidelines as a Hostess with four other compatriots and NotVelvetHammer (wedding planner extraordinaire). No tears were shed, but lots of joy was seen. So much so that in the haze of the reception and the highlights of the reception and this past week, I've been contemplating my own NotNuptials...

The Wedding Party
Me
Groom (oh he of the tall in height, nice of butt, etc, etc.)
NotASong (Matron of Honor)
NotStreetcarDesire (Maid of Honor)
NotMiranda
NotCarrie
NotCharlotte
five groomsmen
NotVelvetHammer
NotBettyBoop

Then after I've dazed out into my wedding party I started on the dress....

Now be honest (or lie if you haven't done this before). What's your fictional wedding party look like...got pics of the dress? Because no matter how jaded I am about the institution of matrimony, there's just something about the ring, and the dress and the hoopla of it all that gets to me...And the tiniest part of me wonders if I should think about dating in a more serious fashion if this is what it will lead too.

Shhh, Here Comes The Bride!

One of the girls in my class is getting married tomorrow but get this, it's a SECRET wedding! She said only about 20 people know and those are the ones who HAD to know. Most everyone else thinks they are attending an engagement party. The groom's mom doesn't even know! (I hope she's laid back!) I think it's such a neat idea and would take so much pressure off of the planning for the couple.

I am supposedly at that age when a lot of my friends are getting married but since graduating college, I've only been to two weddings! And both of those were for super religious girls who were older than me and I think couldn't wait for the sex. (Both are quite happy, though. Don't get me wrong.) So is it just my circle of friends that is full of single people or is it just a growing trend to get hitched later? And I really really really don't want anyone to read single in a negative way. PLEASE don't. I don't consider it negative. (OK, at TIMES I consider it negative but those are extenuating circumstances. Like when I need a date to a work function, or I need someone to kiss, stuff like that.)

OK, the focus of this post went from Surprise Wedding to Clarifications on the word Single. Maybe that should be my cue to stop.

Dating Girl Scout

I'm not talking about an ode to dating purity or anything. What I'm talking about is needing to take up the creed of "always be prepared". I saw him again tonight and found myself caught without some of my key ingredients. Could I really speak to him without any kind of mint or gum to freshen my breath? Why was I lazy this morning and choose to put my hair in a ponytail and forego the makeup? If I had taken an extra five minutes this morning to up my game, I would have been a lot more confident. Luckily, I dipped into the confidence reserves and did what any Not girl would do. I glossed up the lips, shook out the hair and made sure to smile and say hi. I was rewarded with a wink and a head nod.*

So, what's the word Not girls and boys? Always be prepared.


*I consider this a definite positive since I was just walking by as I got off the bus. It's also the first time I've given him any kind of sign since we started running into each other. Hello...remember me? Shy girl?

The Non-Date

I, too, went to the movies this weekend and had a wonderful time. I had what was arguably the best time I have had in awhile but maybe that isn't saying much since the past few weekends have been filled with obligations and not as much going out. (Not to take away from the good time.)

From the outside looking in, I was on a hot date that was going really well. To me, and anyone who knows me, I was hanging out with my good (male) friend and having a splendid time in a very platonic way. And while I know it was just a non-date, I thought after the fact about how that is how I would want any real dates to go: casual, easy, fun, full of laughter and inside jokes, decisions made (relatively) easily, shared soda and candy at the theatre...an all-around enjoyable time.

I even talked to Mr. Non-Date later in the weekend about what kind of relationship I would want with a potential boyfriend. I don't know if it's a reflection of me growing past my college days or just a result of being busy (and therefore tired) with everything but I said how I want a good mixture of Me Time, Group Time (of varying numbers), and BF Time.

Me Time is pretty obvious. It's time where I do what I want, when I want, and where I want. (It would most likely be me laying on a couch and watching One Tree Hill or something on DVD;)

Group Time would be anything from going out to dinner with the chicas to a night of bars in the city and may or may not include the BF. I don't want one of those relationships where the couple drops off the face of the earth because they can't see past their partner. And I've been the third wheel so I never want to create one.

BF Time is obvious, too. Me and him. (REOW!) But the thing about BF Time is that I don't expect or want big productions of fireworks. I would be so content just hanging out and watching a movie or something. Sometimes, I just want to be around someone.

So my perfect non-date didn't spark much new thought as Me/Group/BF Time isn't exactly going to win me "Radical Thought Of The Year" but, it did remind me of how great and balanced things can be. My non-date is exactly how things should be but with any future boyfriends (and not the platonic friends) I do wish for some hardcore making out.

Legal Man

Movie night was fairly successful. I sat next to NotElvis and I SWEAR he kept looking at me throughout the movie. I made him laugh with my comments, which were to interrupt the little shocked noises I made during the "scary" parts. There was minimal arm touching. The next day I found out that he had had a really good time and he was glad the movie was horrible, that way there was more chance to have said fun. A few days before the movie, he told one of my confidants "Yeah, NotCharlotte and I are going to the movies on Friday."
Hah.

This makes up for what I'm about to talk about.
About a week ago, before I was to depart on a (quite nice) trip, I had to work the late shift at my retail job. I was busily cleaning when this guy comes up and asks me about a travel book. He was cute, tall with dark curly hair below his ears and light brown skin. I didn't think much of him because frankly, he looked too young. So i show him the book. No problem, right?
Well, he comes up to me again and asks for something different. I help him find that, go on my way. He does this 3 more times. On his last perusal of my whereabouts he goes "I'm sorry to bother you again, but would you like to have lunch sometime?"
In my cynicism, the first thing I blurt out is "How old are you?" he replies "20." I go "oh. Are you in school or something?" and he gives the name of a preppy school in southern virginia. I sigh and look at him fumbling with his cell phone. "do you want my phone number or something? i'll go to lunch with you."
So i give him my digits and don't think much of it.
The NEXT DAY, around TEN IN THE MORNING. Guess who calls. Yep, it's him. I don't answer because i was in the shower at the time, but it's him asking me to lunch. I don't call back until Saturday evening, after a few short discussions with NotMiranda about what I should do with the situation. Quite honestly, I wasn't feeling it. So I changed "lunch" to "coffee." He doesn't answer so I leave a message.
He calls me back sometime between Sunday and Monday, but by then I have fully decided that I do not want to date this guy, regardless of his cute factor. So I don't answer my phone.
I also proceed to not answer my phone the next FIVE TIMES he calls me over the course of TWO DAYS. He didn't leave creepy messages, but they were full of indecisiveness and a lot of self consciousness.
I guess I could have taken the high road and answered the phone and let him off easily, but I'm not like that. I've been turned down so many times that I feel bad doing the same to someone else.
I don't need a boy. Like NotMiranda, I need a MAN. And definitely not a stalker...

The beast

I should begin by saying that this post is inspired in part by Velvet's post on metrosexual men. I should also probably warn you that this post will rife with stereotypes, assumptions and will probably offend you.

I'm so over the metrosexual man. I can be a real beast and need a man with the balls and stamina to tame me. Wondering whether the man I'm flirting with is gay is no longer fun or intriguing. First, let's start with an example of NotMiranda's metrosexual man. Consider the following bullet points.

The metrosexual man...

• spends more time getting ready than I do.
• always has to check his hair when we pass any reflective surface.
• cries when those Johnson & Johnson holiday commercials come on.
• considers the head bop dancing.
• is unwilling to make a fool of himself for the sake of fun.
• refuses to kill bugs for me.
• thinks Taylor from American Idol can sing.

Don't get me wrong...I do want a man with some sensitivity and a kind heart. He just also needs to...

• have the balls to stand up to me and tell me I'm being a bitch when I am.
• not be afraid to play a little rough when I want him to.
• be willing to drop everything and just go at the drop of a hat.
• consider swearing a creative use of language.
• stick up for the underdog...even if it means getting all manly and sweaty doing it.

I'm looking for a fictional tv character like Luke or Mr. Big and hope I manage to stumble on something close sometime soon.

Jump The Shark

I know NotMiranda has a post waiting to go up, but with Blogger apparently losing its soul yesterday, and her not having her usually internet connection, I just wanted to get something up here so noone thinks we've jumped ship. Actually, that's a funny idea: When does No Sex And The City jump the shark?

*NotCarrie starts writing about her puppy more than her love life (I don't own a puppy yet (!) but once I do, I can't promise this won't happen)
*NotSamantha goes from talking about vibrators to the batteries that fill them and which are better: Energizer or Duracell?!
*NotMiranda takes to a different kind of calling and starts writing an awful lot about NotJesus. (Is that bad to say? I apologize if so;)
*NotCharlotte really does marry NotHusband and with her new life, leaves the blog for matrimony.

What a funny thought though! Add on your own ideas!

Call Me! (I Love Blondie!)

I am now in possession of NotTaylor's phone number!

I also know for a fact that he is single.


Now, separately these two scenarios would not mean much, but when occurring in the same five minutes? Added together they mean so much more.

First we played the teasing/flirting game of him asking about my phone and me taking his picture with it. He said to send it to my friends and say he's single. I told him I'd save the picture and apply it to represent the work number. But he said, "Put it with my cell phone number, XXX-XXX-XXXX" (which I had to get him to repeat like 4 times because I turned stupid.)

Then, to keep him talking, I said how I remember that he has the separate cell phone plan because he uses it for personal reasons, too. He laughed and said that he used to use a lot of minutes talking to "that girl" but "doesn't talk to her Any More!" He enunciated "any more," I know it.


I already told NotMiranda to not let me, under any circumstances, to drunk dial him. I can not let him get that power over me. The "I know what you did last weekend" power. My job, while very relaxed and cool in some ways, is a bit conservative on the partying front (no booze at Christmas parties, no water cooler talks about bars from the weekend-we save that for emails that get promptly deleted) and while my non-work is mine to live, I don't need it in the office. I'm a "fly under the radar" kind of gal at work so unless he's in on the trouble with me (stolen kisses in a supply closet maybe?) I'm going to continue to lay low.

A Glass of Wine, A Clove Cigarette and me...

I don't usually smoke unless I've had a lot to drink. This keeps me from worrying about the fact that tomorrow my hair will smell like cigarette smoke, which I hate. However, tonight in my melancholy night in, I felt the need for one as I finished off my glass of red wine.

I came back from vacation on Wednesday, glad to have spent the time getting to know some really cool people and really wishing that I hadn't met some of them. And just why do I wish I had never met this really great group...because they were ALL married. And while I wasn't the youngest, I was the only unmarried woman, and this usually this wouldn't make me feel anything other than happy that I wasn't tied to anyone, but this time it made me feel just a little sad that I didn't have someone at home who missed me, or was having a hard time doing something (anything) that I would normally do if I was there. Instead, while they were busy lamenting the spotty cell phone coverage and cheering when they managed to get through for a few moments, I was sitting down with my laptop and bidding on things on Ebay *wonders idly if there are husbands for sale there*.

Hence tonight and the glass of wine and the clove cigarette. I'm reminiscing (read wallowing) in lack of mate hell. Here, I am constantly plagued by the worries of not having that other piece of myself that makes me feel whole. And now hear comes the anger...why should I need another person...why should I have to feel like I have to have a mate to feel complete. Why? Why? Why? Ugh. of all the totally girly and in my opinion overly emotional things to have to deal with, why this.

Looks like I've got a whole lot of "why's" that I need answers to and all thats after it is "z". So off to bed I go.

Working For The Weekend

As I head out of town for the evening, I just wanted to say for everyone to have a great weekend! I hope everyone, especially me (haha), comes back with stories for Monday regaling. The past few (+) weeks have been pretty uneventful for me on the male front which can be good at times but can also be bad. Not having anyone new to think about seems to lead to slipping back to old habits-where habits are guys. People I'm "over" now are reappearing in my mind and I also find myself looking forward to hanging out with old crushes visiting from out of town. Sure, I miss them (as a friend) but a small part of me is also hoping for a little more than just hanging out. I'll let you know how that goes, though.

Tonight I'm headed back to where I lived a few years ago and where a lot of people I know still are. There are also a few of those people I haven't seen in years but am super curious as to how a run-in would go with us. Two people especially with whom things were left a little weird. Basically we just stopped talking, one for vague, various reasons and the other had to do with a fight with a mutual friend. Details aren't important though, I just hope I see them tonight. I will DEFINITELY let you know if I do! I have a hot outfit planned, and my new liquid eyeliner gameplan is sure to up the (maybe I borrow this, NotBarmaid?) eyefucking!
Have a great weekend!

Hot For Teacher

So things with NotElvis are progressing eversoslightly.

Over the past week, I have worked with him more than usual, due to the fact that (finally) our schedules overlapped so we worked basically the same shifts. We bonded over our English major/film/music compatibilities and thankfully both agreed that Land of the Dead is one of the stupidest of zombie films out there. The comfort level between the both of us has gotten a lot better. He so slyly let me know his age (26), his living arrangement (basement of his parents' house), and the reason he works retail now instead of a "real" job (hated teaching, had to stop).
I have a theory, which I put to use last night, but I will get to it in a minute.
After about 2 days of the same shift, I realized that he kept making excuses to walk past me or start a conversation. Usually, when I start my shift I'm getting over my last job so I usually ignore most people and start putting shit away. He would go out of his way to say hi and ask me how my day went. He'd act goofy and make me laugh.
Yesterday I was in a foul mood. I had worked until midnight, gotten 5 hours of sleep, worked 8-1 at my "real" job, then ran errands until work at 330. I had my glasses on and looked a mess.
NotElvis swooped by and goes "oh, do you wear glasses?" I looked at him and he had one of those "looks." A look that I had seen from the guy I used to date at my last retail job. NotVegas.
It's hard to explain, as usual, but I could tell that he was intrigued/smitten/attracted to my glasses look.
This is my theory. I call it the "glasses" theory. Either I somehow look like a hott teacher (i did have a skirt on and my hair back in a bun) or my lack of focus when looking at him (I can't see as well with my glasses on as with my contacts) created a dazed, "ooooh" effect. He grinned when I gave him a snappy comeback and then I went on my way. Later on, I reeled him in a bit more when I told him I brought in a book he might like to read. We had a little tet-a-tet about whether or not it actually took me 24 hours to read said book (long story... well not long, just not worth writing about) and again, I was on my way.
Reel him in, push him back out.
I need to figure out how to reel him in more than pushing him out. He sounds like a fish, I sound like I'm going to start spouting Paula Abdul lyrics.
I have made progress though. I agreed (for some god-awful reason) to go with him and two other coworkers to see "The Omen" at midnight on 6/6/6. The slight chance that I will get to sit next to him/have him scare the daylights out of me, therefore causing me to hit him(come in contact with him) is enough for me to brave a scary movie.
Thoughts? Comments? Ideas? All are welcome...

The Story of Not

Ever find yourself wondering why I got to be NotMiranda or how No Sex & the City (Not site) got together? Well, to be a bit self indulgent and because there have been requests (don't laugh!), I thought we'd do the flashback episode where the audience finds out interesting facts about the characters lives.

I'll refrain from the "long, long ago in a kingdom far away" since we're all really more Fresh Prince "now this is the story all about how my life got flipped,
turned upside down". Imagine four friends hovering over shared milkshakes and fries at a local diner late one evening and you can pretty much picture yourself there when the Not site was born. I had been thinking about the fact that I wasn't getting any and was talking to the girls about a blog about not having a man, lack of dating, etc. Conversation flowed and before you know it an idea was born. Four girls of varying ages who all work too hard and have found when we do have time to play it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Figuring out "who" we were didn't prove to be all that difficult. Let's face it, I got NotMiranda because I'm more career driven, more sarcastic and biting, would probably be the one to get accidentally knocked up for pity sex, and have red hair on most days. NotSamantha was also easy (pun intended). From dabbling in bondage to her growing sex toy treasure chest, NotSam could have only been one person. NotCarrie and NotCharlotte weren't as blatantly obvious. If we were basing all decisions on hair color, then we'd have to flip the two. In the end, NotCharlotte took on her persona because it just felt right. She would have the most trouble using cunt in a sentence, is probably going to be the first to get married, and I swear she has the Charlotte pout down pat! NotCarrie wasn't solely by process of elimination. She's just the right amount of saucy, has the hair that transitions from curly to straight, and was likely to post the most frequently ; )

Just an overview, but I do believe we're willing to entertain questions in the comment section.

Blast From The Past Scare

So without giving away too many details, the office I work in was in need of an outside contractor to do some work (the kind of work doesn't matter). What occurred to me, when the guy came in to do it, was that my ex-whatever does that kind of work and his company is in this area! Now the event today isn't exactly something I would write home about since the guy is just some stranger but it made me wonder what I would do if it had been him.

First, I would thank Jeebus I look cute today and my hair looks ok.

Second, I might hide, nullifying the status of the first thing.

I really would not want to have some reunion of sorts full of hellacious small-talk here at work. And then have to answer all of the, "You know him?" questions.

So basically, I'm glad today has been extremely uneventful.

I said no...

to having kids, right now and probably ever, and I don't feel bad about it.

*stands on large soapbox*

Now hear this! Now hear this! I don't particularly like children. They're cute when they smile, and they smell like baby powder and holding one for a few minutes is fine, but beyond that...I don't like the little buggers.

*and half of the readers of this blog go running into the dark, screaming words like 'childhater' and 'selfish'*

I remember fondly having the same dream that I imagine lots of other girls who are between the ages of 13 and 15 have about getting married and raising a pack of children. Then reality in the form of high school, college and the real world, slapped me around and made me realize that I don't usually want to take care of me let alone some tiny person. And this month's article in Bitch Magazine (issue no. 32) showed me that I'm not alone. Not that I thought I was, but its not something that people talk about.

I mean you don't see that lone female, guy or couple of a certain age, who are without the typical accoutrements of parenthood (read: pacifier, bottle, baby wipes, kiddie leash, etc.) and walk up to them and say casually, "no kids...good on you mate!" Its just not done. However, I did have a customer walk up to me on Mother's day and after wishing me a happy one "if you have kids," to which I responded without a beat, "Oh I don't like children." She was shocked, I wasn't. She quickly recovered with a refreshing, "I've never heard someone actually say that before." And surprisingly enough she wasn't offended at all. More like she was shocked to actually hear someone say it out loud.

I'll be up front about it, I'm selfish. I like my things the way they are, I like my body (sometimes) the way it is, I like having really cool glassware and going on trips (if I can afford them), and drinking a lot (if I want) and not having to worry about if some other soccer mom sees me, or if my kid's teacher sees me doing something else that isn't part of the parent approved behavior. I like being independent.

Having kids, while it brings a certain joy into the lives of some or many, doesn't do the same for me. It holds none of the happy, shiny thoughts it did when I was younger. In fact it has the opposite effect. I've got a niece and nephew and two godchildren. I haven't seen them in at least three years and while I take no pride in that, because I do have a heart (somewhere under this thick skin and through the barbed wire), I don't like being made to feel guilty by a society obsessed with procreation and everyone wanting, nay needing to have kids.

Instead, I'm perfectly happy to see my friends with kids, remark on how cute they are (or not remark at all if I don't think they're Gerber material), and move on. In ten years when I'm still childless and jetting off to Fiji or struggling to get pregnant I'll look back on this and either laugh at the irony of the situation or take another sip of my champagne in first class and wonder if I can fit a massage in when I touch down.

Space Sharing

I have had my share of roommates:

The one in college who had sex with her boyfriend while I was in the room because she thought I was asleep. (Like that should make it okay.) The other one I got stuck with who would eat KFC and cake all the time and spill it on my things then act like *I* was messy because my trash was full. The one who turned out to be the most pessimistic person I've ever known and I started having to sneak out of my apartment to go hang out with "mutual" friends who were starting to not like my roommate. Sure, it could have been worse but I wouldn't exactly call those three ideal.

So once I get career things settled and taken care of, I will be looking at new places to live and I have already decided that I do NOT want a roommate. I don't want another roommate until I'm married. Well, or living with the person I think I will marry. It's interesting to think about though-living with my boyfriend/fiance/husband. I've never lived with a significant other (thank GOODNESS) and am equally excited and nervous for when the time comes. (Which won't be for awhile, I don't think.)

It's just interesting to think about. I hope I don't turn into one of those ladies who has a husband who hasn't seen her without makeup on for 30 years or something. And I hope we don't have to have separate rooms because he snores. Also, it would be nice if he REALLY loves to wash dishes and fold clothes-my two least favorite things to do.

If I were ever going to get married...

I would have to have NotThatYoungAunt's wedding planner. She's got velvet hammer down to a science. And considering that she's been doing wedding planning for over 20 years and doesn't look like she's been dipped in a vat of silicone and shelacked (sp?) with hair spray this is definately a good thing.

The one thing about the impending nuptuals of this relative is that I'm starting to realize that love can come at you at any time. NotThatYoungAunt isn't that old (early to mid forties). And she's been married twice before, but this time it seems like its the real deal. She's happy with NotASmoker (don't ask) and he's over the moon with her. She makes me believe in love again and just when I was getting jaided about the whole dating thing.

In other news, it was the extended dance remix of "I need you to come back home" from my dad. I took him to lunch for a belated birthday present and listened to him as he told me all of his money/health/relationship woes and then proceeded to hit me up for money (rolls eyes). I love my dad, I do, but sometimes, this gets to be a bit much. He did however, mention something that I don't think he's ever said before...he needs me, but I can't help but wonder if he needs me because he doesn't have anyone else, or if he needs me because he needs me.

I'll take the good with the bad and just call this weekend even.

You Can't Go Home Again...

I read so much that I find that often my thought process flows like that of a novel, be it scifi, romance, horror, western or historical fiction.

Tomorrow will be one of the historical fiction days, since I'm about to do one of the things that I like the least and go back to my home town.

Now while this is usually chock full of the usual perks of seeing the family, getting some of my favorite chocolate and going to my favorite comic book store, it also means, that the longer I stay the longer I risk running into the group of people I went to high school with. I like to think of them as "The Others," because while we were close then, almost ten years have past and there's not much we share in common anymore. I sort of ripped out all of those roots when I went away to college.

Suffice it to say since I've just put this out in the open I have just guaranteed that I will run into the one person I don't want to see the most, my ex. This is the one person who manages to make an appearance at my mother's house no matter how obscure the day of my visit.

Also, to add gas to the already smoldering fire of my defeat, I'm dealing with NotThatYoungAunt's wedding planner since I will be one of four hostesses in this wedding (more on that later). Right now, I'm just hoping the dress will fit, the weekend will be short and the ex-file can stay closed and in my condemned high school always like it belongs.

Love>Lust>Infatuation

As I was heading towards my daily work starting page online, I saw a link for a How To article about How To Tell The Difference Between Love, Infatuation, And Lust. I still, at age 26, have not been able to clearly make distinctions between these feelings. Unlike my sister, who says people are too careful with using the big L word (love, for those still half asleep), I probably fall into the camp of saving it for perfect moments and situations. It's not something I guard and I'm not holding onto it like a nun and her virginity, or placing it on a too-high pedestal but, it makes me cringe when it's thrown around. To reference one of my favorite shows, did you hear what George said to Callie on Grey's Anatomy? He wanted to wait to say "I love you" back to her and make sure she knew he meant it. Not the obligatory response to someone else saying it. I loved it when George said that. It's so true.

But anyway, so this article gives a way to make distinctions between these feelings (love, lust, infatuation).

Step 1 is to write down words you associate with the person you feel strongly about such as sex, butterflies, snoring, annoying, holding hands, etc.

Step 2 says to circle each feeling with a different color: green for love, yellow for infatuation, and red for lust. (Why doesn't love=red?)

Step 3 then says to see which color stands out. If there is not a clear winner, then move on to the following steps.

Step 4 sucks and says to read scriptures or literature that describes love. Yuck! I don't want to do that because I have enough trouble listening to songs about love and not totally melting.

Step 5 might be good for feedback but will be hard to actually do. Ask friends (or other third party) to give their opinion on what kind of feeling they think it is. Show them your color coded list. I couldn't do this. I would be embarrassed because I wouldn't want to explain to someone the reasons why I may or may not love a person.

Step 6 I could do. Watch a movie that might show the feelings you suspect you have. Cruel Intentions is all about lust, Titanic is about holding onto love forever, The Notebook is about love, etc.

This is an interesting idea, working through complicated feelings by writing them down. Is it possible though to be in lust with someone for years? Or to be infatuated with a person for an extended period of time. Well, yeah, I guess so. I'm thinking of a list of examples, haha!

So Close

NotTaylor was just inches away from me. We shared a moment looking up sex offenders (don't ask, but it's not as weird as it sounds) and he came around to look at my computer monitor and omg, he was inches away.


Let's just say that to a girl who really is itching for her next kiss, it took a lot of self restraint...