The Best And Worst Of It

I keep getting invitations on Facebook to take those likeness quizzes, which are always about sex. Why is that, anyway?

It got me thinking, though. What is the worst thing to happen while having sex? Or, where is the best place to makeout? Or even, ways to get rid of a bad date.

So here are my thoughts on the matters at hand. Some are from the actual pages, but some I'm just saying on my own. And omg don't even try to think these things have necessarily happened to me. Please add your own thoughts in the comment section.

Worst Things To Happen While Having Sex:

• Someone walks in (especially a relative).
• Someone yells the wrong name (Just don't yell names, ok?)
• Dog starts to hump, too. (This was on the FB one. OMG, I would die. That's disgusting.)
• He turns out to be a she...or vice versa.
• Someone has a gastrointestinal problem. (EW)
• Fall off the bed and gets hurt.
• Someone has to vomit.

Best Places To Makeout:

• On a couch.
• On a pier.
• In a car.
• Elevator
• Pool/Ocean/Hot tub
• Wait, where is it NOT good to makeout? As long as it's not excessively PDAish, right?

Ways To Get Rid Of A Bad Date:

• Sick
• Be honest
• Change the clocks so it seems later.
• Food poisoning

Ways To Be Turned On:

• Slow, Intent Kissing
• Porn (Not for this girl, though. No thank you.)
• Back rub/Massage
• Dirty Talk (This can so border on funny, though.)
• Holding Hands
• Alcohol

So...what do you have to add to the lists?

Back at the old den of sin...

Friday night, post-sushi making adventure with NotCarrie, found me needing male attention. Packing up a couple of supplies, I headed to NotCharlotte’s where I knew game night, wine and a certain someone would provide me with the distraction I needed for a few hours. I was not disappointed. I’ll skip the part about actually having fun playing games and drinking wine. Let’s face it…we’re all here for what happened next.

Around 3 am, I looked up and realized that everyone else was gone save NotCharlotte and NotHarry and myself and NotBeast. We were all a little tipsy, and as the evening had progressed, NotBeast and I had been making minor suggestive comments back and forth. I’m not sure if I was purposefully testing the waters, but when we were all outside chatting I leaned back, saying I was cold and he was so warm. I think after he slipped his arm around my waist I knew things were going to get interesting.

As we settled onto the couch and NotCharlotte and NotHarry settled on the floor, someone hit the lights. I felt like a kid in high school trying to fool around and not get caught by my parents. Eventually they moved to the back part of the basement to go to sleep, and I felt a bit more *ahem* free.

Since I’m not penning a romance novel here, I will spare you most of the details, but I have to tell you about my nipple. I just can’t not. Something like this has never happened before. NotBeast is a guy’s guy, and I like aggressive men. The next morning I woke up, and my left nipple was really sore. Really, really sore. As I was showering I noticed skin was missing and was reminded of this all throughout the day as I would get shots of pain when moving wrong. Less than 24 hours later and my nipple had actually scabbed. Scabbed! I like aggressive, but this has never happened before. Ever.

I’m intrigued…horrified…and am trying to figure out how he’ll have to repay me ;-)

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

I randomly saw a picture last night of this guy I used to be completely enamored with and even made out with on many, many occasions. Le me tell you, he is looking goooood! So good in fact, that I initiated some contact and would absolutely meet up with him even though it has been years now since we've hung out.

Beer. The Love Catalyst

What, two beers in and all I want to do is makeout with someone? TWO BEERS? What the hell is wrong with me;)? It is unfortunate that I need to actually get some sleep tonight, haha.

On why I love Fridays and friends

Ready to kick off a long weekend at our favorite bar, NotCarrie, NotCharlotte and I grabbed NotGraceful and headed down to Fredericksburg to meet up with a couple of NotCarrie’s other Not characters and imbibe in the ambiance of Spirits.

The stresses of the previous week melted away as we took advantage of $2 kamikazes and began sipping that first Jack & Coke. As is typical for Spirits, you stand around long enough and a random assortment of characters find their way to you. NotShorty (we’re talking 6’8’’ here, people) adopted our group early on. Finally, being the oldest in our group got me something as NotShorty swore he was at least 10 years older than everyone present. Shocked I was 31, I smiled as I took the drink as my prize.

Several drinks later, our flirt-o-meters were off the charts and the conversation (and night) took a turn for the interesting. Why don’t we do this “choose your own adventure” style? Which Friday night shenanigan do you want to read about?

- NotGraceful claimed you couldn’t get a hickie from biting, so I proved him wrong*.
- I turn around and NotCarrie had somehow wound up in a conversation that involved guessing what her cup size is.
- Me winding up tipsy enough to end up with my tongue in NotShorty’s mouth in the middle of the bar but not drunk enough to take him up on the ride home from his place the next morning.
- NotCarrie explaining to NotGraceful what steamrolling is in her front yard.
- Sticking my head out the window barreling down I-66 while kissing on the outside of the car.
- Losing both my flip flops and my cell phone as I attempted to ford a river.
- Strip poker until 5 am in the morning.

And that’s just my evening. Curious?


*Poor guy is still wearing a bandaid to work ; )

Lights Out

The other day at work the power went out. I guess some Transformer* blew up so for almost four hours we were without power. I was offered the option of going home, but this girl needs all the money she can make! I also figured we would get to slack for those four hours and do nothing. Silly me! The same thing happened a couple of years ago and we all just sat near the windows and read or did whatever we wanted so I just assumed we would get to do that this time. After gathering near the windows, I got my group together and said to sit on the floor in a circle for games. Then I went to grab paper and a pen so we could play a good ol' game of MASH. Nevermind that I acted like a 12 year old-I was definitely the most fun one there:)

Anyway, the fun didn't last for long, because those in charge had the audacity to tell us to get back to work. I gave my appropriate amount of attitude and then set off to get some stuff done. First, though, I headed to the breakroom with one of my favorite coworkers, NotRad, to grab our cell phones. Well, it was pitch black dark and kind of scary, but before I could even think about the zombies that could be hiding back there, I had another thought:

"Hey, NotRad, it's too bad we're completely platonic because this would be a lot of fun."


So a semi-wasted opportunity as no one was working with whom I would take advantage of a dark and deserted room...maybe next time. *sigh*


*Please tell me you got the song in your head!