The Best And Worst Of It

I keep getting invitations on Facebook to take those likeness quizzes, which are always about sex. Why is that, anyway?

It got me thinking, though. What is the worst thing to happen while having sex? Or, where is the best place to makeout? Or even, ways to get rid of a bad date.

So here are my thoughts on the matters at hand. Some are from the actual pages, but some I'm just saying on my own. And omg don't even try to think these things have necessarily happened to me. Please add your own thoughts in the comment section.

Worst Things To Happen While Having Sex:

• Someone walks in (especially a relative).
• Someone yells the wrong name (Just don't yell names, ok?)
• Dog starts to hump, too. (This was on the FB one. OMG, I would die. That's disgusting.)
• He turns out to be a she...or vice versa.
• Someone has a gastrointestinal problem. (EW)
• Fall off the bed and gets hurt.
• Someone has to vomit.

Best Places To Makeout:

• On a couch.
• On a pier.
• In a car.
• Elevator
• Pool/Ocean/Hot tub
• Wait, where is it NOT good to makeout? As long as it's not excessively PDAish, right?

Ways To Get Rid Of A Bad Date:

• Sick
• Be honest
• Change the clocks so it seems later.
• Food poisoning

Ways To Be Turned On:

• Slow, Intent Kissing
• Porn (Not for this girl, though. No thank you.)
• Back rub/Massage
• Dirty Talk (This can so border on funny, though.)
• Holding Hands
• Alcohol

So...what do you have to add to the lists?

Back at the old den of sin...

Friday night, post-sushi making adventure with NotCarrie, found me needing male attention. Packing up a couple of supplies, I headed to NotCharlotte’s where I knew game night, wine and a certain someone would provide me with the distraction I needed for a few hours. I was not disappointed. I’ll skip the part about actually having fun playing games and drinking wine. Let’s face it…we’re all here for what happened next.

Around 3 am, I looked up and realized that everyone else was gone save NotCharlotte and NotHarry and myself and NotBeast. We were all a little tipsy, and as the evening had progressed, NotBeast and I had been making minor suggestive comments back and forth. I’m not sure if I was purposefully testing the waters, but when we were all outside chatting I leaned back, saying I was cold and he was so warm. I think after he slipped his arm around my waist I knew things were going to get interesting.

As we settled onto the couch and NotCharlotte and NotHarry settled on the floor, someone hit the lights. I felt like a kid in high school trying to fool around and not get caught by my parents. Eventually they moved to the back part of the basement to go to sleep, and I felt a bit more *ahem* free.

Since I’m not penning a romance novel here, I will spare you most of the details, but I have to tell you about my nipple. I just can’t not. Something like this has never happened before. NotBeast is a guy’s guy, and I like aggressive men. The next morning I woke up, and my left nipple was really sore. Really, really sore. As I was showering I noticed skin was missing and was reminded of this all throughout the day as I would get shots of pain when moving wrong. Less than 24 hours later and my nipple had actually scabbed. Scabbed! I like aggressive, but this has never happened before. Ever.

I’m intrigued…horrified…and am trying to figure out how he’ll have to repay me ;-)

On why I love Fridays and friends

Ready to kick off a long weekend at our favorite bar, NotCarrie, NotCharlotte and I grabbed NotGraceful and headed down to Fredericksburg to meet up with a couple of NotCarrie’s other Not characters and imbibe in the ambiance of Spirits.

The stresses of the previous week melted away as we took advantage of $2 kamikazes and began sipping that first Jack & Coke. As is typical for Spirits, you stand around long enough and a random assortment of characters find their way to you. NotShorty (we’re talking 6’8’’ here, people) adopted our group early on. Finally, being the oldest in our group got me something as NotShorty swore he was at least 10 years older than everyone present. Shocked I was 31, I smiled as I took the drink as my prize.

Several drinks later, our flirt-o-meters were off the charts and the conversation (and night) took a turn for the interesting. Why don’t we do this “choose your own adventure” style? Which Friday night shenanigan do you want to read about?

- NotGraceful claimed you couldn’t get a hickie from biting, so I proved him wrong*.
- I turn around and NotCarrie had somehow wound up in a conversation that involved guessing what her cup size is.
- Me winding up tipsy enough to end up with my tongue in NotShorty’s mouth in the middle of the bar but not drunk enough to take him up on the ride home from his place the next morning.
- NotCarrie explaining to NotGraceful what steamrolling is in her front yard.
- Sticking my head out the window barreling down I-66 while kissing on the outside of the car.
- Losing both my flip flops and my cell phone as I attempted to ford a river.
- Strip poker until 5 am in the morning.

And that’s just my evening. Curious?


*Poor guy is still wearing a bandaid to work ; )

Drive fast, speed turns me on

Last night was date #2* with the new guy. NotTutorBoy** met me at the bookstore around 7, and I'll be damned if he didn't look good. We took off for the local pool hall where I promptly lost two games in a row. Sadly, despite my best efforts, my mind was so not on the pool game. The chemistry we share is pretty fucking undeniable. I'm not sure if it's meant to cloud the mind, and I really don't care. I can just say that 30 minutes into the date and my goal of keeping this date on the tame side had evaporated. All day had been spent overthinking and battling my internal demons, and in just few short minutes, I had clarity. Go with the flow and have fun won out over obsessive and have fun is exactly what I did.

There is a very bold, forward side to my personality, and she kind of took over last night. I get high tempting fate, living on the edge***. I must have been high on whatever that chemical is that fuels our sex drive because I bloody tap danced all over that edge last night. Road head barreling down I-66 as I accidentally kept slipping the car into neutral...pressed up against the car with the wind adding to the atmosphere...parked between school buses and witnessing what has to be the fastest leap from the back seat to the front seat all the while starting the car to avoid security...windows completely fogged over.

All of that and I still didn't have sex with him. He says I'm torturous. We're hanging out Saturday, and I think it's time to end the stand off ; )


*Yes, I'm calling it a date despite what you heathens might think!

**I figure he deserves a name. Thanks, NotCarrie. : )

***Hello...this is the girl who wants to live in Africa. Haha.

And the world's biggest cock tease award goes to...

So tonight’s date has been cancelled. He called last night when I got off because there was an emergency that popped up at work with a new project, and he is being flown to Maine this morning for meetings all weekend. Bust. He explains how disappointed he is. He then asks if I want to come over right now…share a drink. It was 1:00 am. I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking the same thing. Was this just a hook up? Was I sending the wrong message by going over there in the middle of the night? Screw it. I like this guy and was into the idea of some action. I took a deep breath and wrote down directions to his house.

(below is the series of emails I sent NotCarrie...much easier than trying to tell you the story any different way.)

I got there and refused to go inside until he told me he wasn't crazy. It was nice because we actually talked, and he didn't jump me right away. Also nice because we share similar viewpoints on life and interests. The second drink and he sits closer (I sat down first this time). All of a sudden, wham, he kisses me and we're making out on the couch. I become very aware that he has an erection and tell him I don't want to get him going too much...

...he's a good kisser and figured out pretty quickly I liked to be kissed on my neck. Anyway, he moves back into his personal space, and we talk some more. Pretty much the rest of the night is this push-pull thing of making out and me keeping him at bay from taking it further. We were in the kitchen and (blush) he pretty much puts me on the counter. I couldn't let that go on for long because it was too hott and would have went south fast....

When we're headed back to the couch after the kitchen he comes up behind me and pulls my hair a little. Also kind of hott. Am going to skip what he did next but, again, he was held at bay (too bad because it was really nice). I told him I needed to leave by 3, and he kept saying I needed to stay. I told him we weren't doing this tonight. Said what would he think of me. Seriously, I like this guy and didn’t want to be the easy lay. Maybe I am old-fashioned ; ) He gets all excited because he says he has the perfect song. He goes running off to his car to grab it, only to come back empty handed. He tells me it's this Andre 3000 song about the girl worrying what the guy would think and the guy thinking she just knew what she wanted, blah, blah. Anyway, his ploy to get me to stay.

He says I have to at least come up and see his quarters. I knew this was a bad idea but went anyway. What the hell. I like house tours. Anyway, he pushes me up against the wall and eventually the bed for more kissing. Only problem is that on the bed I can definitely feel a certain something wanting make a grand entrance. He was more persistent, and I'll admit harder to resist. Part of me was about to go for it. However, I didn't. I pushed him off and got up. Told him I had to leave and that it was hotter to leave him wanting. Hahahaha. I told him I wanted him to be hard all day today because he didn't get any. Yes, I'm a bitch. Poor guy could barely make it down the stairs. A few more requests to stay, and I made it out the door and home. We'll see if he calls ; )

Solo Track

I am having a serious case of One Track Mind. Hooking up with someone is just about all I can think about and it's not even some crazy salacious need I have, I just want some good ol' fashioned making out. Why is this so difficult?!