Getting Pens, Pt. 2

Nothing beats a work crush*. To be stuck somewhere 40 hours a week with noone to flirt with is beyond cruel, so when I find myself planning my breaks to match someone else's I tend to get a little excited. You know, the awesome kind of excited that is accompanied by manic butterflies in your stomach and the constant need for minty gum. I love those damn butterflies!

In addition to hoping for crossed-paths, I also am finding myself checking out various locations where a mid-day makeout could occur. If you will remember, at my previous job I called this "getting pens" as I often found myself wishing for a certain ex-work crush to meet me in the supply closet for an office tryst. Well, at this job, we don't exactly have a supply closet, but there are definitely some areas that would offer the amount of privacy needed. Today, I made a head nod for someone to come over and, had I been more forward, would have gone for it had I been sure I would be met with success. Instead of making my move, though, I made sure to work it and reverse it with some major flirting and eye-fucking**.

So nothing has happened...yet, but if I "get pens" with anyone, you will be the first to know!





*Well, a work boo would probably beat that.
**As always, TM Barmaid.

Cradle to Grave

How young is too young in the world of dating? A hott* customer at my part-time job started chatting me up three or four weeks ago, and tonight, he finally got up the nerve to ask me out. Of course, I said yes (see footnote below), but he looks all of 23 or 24. In case you've forgotten or somehow missed the age post, I'm 31. Is a seven year age difference too much when it's the woman who's older?

For the moment, I've decided I don't care. He's hott and interested, and I don't actually know how old he is. Besides, it's just a date.


*nice, well-dressed, good looking....

Sometimes being born of the Day of Heaven and Hell isn't that bad...

In true Not!Fashion the girls gave me a wonderful sendup for my birthday, which began with getting my roll on.

That's right, you read correctly, I got my roll on...and nearly fell on my ass.

Since we all got to do what we wanted (or have who we wanted for our birthdays), I had already decided early on that I wanted to go rollerskating, and then head back to my place for the after party (like the true movie star that I am).

So NotCarrie, Not Miranda, (NotCharlotte in abstentia, since she was setup girl for the afterparty) and yours truly made our way to the semi-local (read Manassas), skating establishment, where we proceeded to roll out onto the floor and nearly get sideswiped by the younger set that were definitely in effect.

I was joined by many of my friends: NotFey and boyfriend NotMoney along with NotDiva, NotBuxom and NotShakespeare were all there lending a helping hand, arm or shoulder if needed, or cutting up if not. It was discovered, that no, skating is not like riding a bike and the skills do not magically return when the gear is put back on. Furthermore, it made me loathe djs who don't know when to hush it and let me skate. I did all the skating I could before my feet decided I would best be served by leaning along the one lone carpeted wall.

Then came the afterparty.

Surprisingly, I didn't drink as much, I didn't grope anyone and I didn't finish my pack of cloves...I'm almost disappointed in myself. I did however, get my first trendy bag, a wonderful pink apron (Baking Queen will probably be stitched on it soon), and my very own penis shaped shot glass. I danced a little, was wrapped in streamers at one point and noshed on awesome cupcakes and coconut bars made by NotCharlotte. All said and done the party was a rousing success. Further proof that along with excellent taste, I have even better friends.

Text me baby one more time

I finally ended my tawdry text relationship last week. NotAvailable was bloody hott and had me admitting my every fantasy, pushing all of the right buttons. NotAvailable had a girlfriend, though. I knew this right from the start and left my heart out of the matter. I also attempted to check my guilt at the door, telling myself she was just a girlfriend and should know her man better. The games we were playing, the excitement won out. I was on the verge of saying yes to the weekend in London when something made me pause. Something he said made me ask if his girlfriend lived with him. Turns out she had recently moved in. I ended it that day, telling him we couldn’t talk anymore. Call me hypocritical, but there is a level commitment you make to someone when you decide to live together. It’s more serious, something I couldn’t mess with. If I’m being completely honest, I was a tad sad when I realized it would have to end. Another reason that the timing to say goodbye was right. When you decide to play with fire and someone in a relationship, your emotions should be left out of it.

Coming Back For More

I suppose it's time for my Charity Auction Date roundup.

I've been on 3 of my five, yes five dates so far. NotCar gave you guys the dirt on our duo date with NotAGentleman.
A few weeks ago I met up with NotA$5Whore (his choice in name, not mine) at Sweetwater Tavern, one of my favorite restaurants. This was a long time coming, seeing as how sickness, weather, and supernatural powers kept us from meeting up. We had a nice dinner of salmon and beers while talking about our respective families. I do believe he listened to a lot of my... complaining about work, but I think he understood. He didn't tell me until later that our date was about to be cancelled yet again due to the fact that a rock hit his windshield, causing a huge crack. I found this quite amusing, but not in the "oh, I laugh at your coincidence" kind of way, but more "wow, that's crazy." He should be an interesting and welcome addition to our already expanding group of drinking buddies/boos.

This past Saturday I went on a date with NotGraceful. He's the one I had wanted to win, given our history, but seeing as how he was only in it for the milk, I dropped the entire thing and moved on. About a week ago I received an email from him saying that he indeed wanted to take me out and was also appreciative that I had bid on him. I decided to let him make all of the plans because, well I'm the girl. So he did, which surprised me quite a bit. I had to pick him up at work because he inadvertently cracked his windshield (wow, sound familiar?) and can't drive his car for some reason. We went to the Ballston Common Mall and walked around for awhile until our table was ready at the Rock Bottom Restaurant and Brewery, where we drank several beers and ate some green beans that tasted like they had been frozen. Conversation stayed mainly around music, which was good. We traded cd titles and both agreed that Fall Out Boy is one of the worst bands ever. After dinner we went to this comedy place in the mall and saw "The Blue Show," which was like "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", but for adults only. It was highly entertaining and I recommend it to anyone who wants to laugh nonstop for 2 hours.
After that we walked back to my car and I basically drove him back to the store and dropped him off. Conversation in the car was a bit more awkward, I'm not sure what happened between dinner and the show, but I think he's an awkward character in general so I'll try not to analyze it too much. I asked him if he had fun and he goes "Yeah, for the most part." To which I shot him a look and he explained that he wasn't feeling well at the show and almost had to leave. That made me feel bad, but he should have told me! We sat in my car and talked about The Shins' new album for awhile and he made fun of me for my XM toggling action while driving. He then praised me for not saying my favorite catchphrase ("Whatever") all night. Then he kind of fiddled with the door handle for a minute and then gave me a big hug.
I then made sure his car started (seriously, he's got worse car kharma than NotMiranda) and after a quick wave I promptly left and picked NotMiranda up for a brief tour of 29 and some discussion of said date.
We'll see what happens at NotSamantha's birthday party this weekend.

It's going to be exciting. I can't wait to reveal the theme to all of you, NotSam especially since she has NO idea what it is. I will tell her the following: Paper mache is involved. So is the color pink. And hairspray.

NotSamantha's State of the Union

Its that time of the year again. My birthday is rolling around (March 5, if you care to know) and I've been going over the past year.

I'm not liking what I see. So here I propose some changes.

NotSamantha's State of the Union

I'm not in a relationship, but eventually I will be, until then, stop bitching about not having someone and enjoy what I do have, which is good friends, awesome cooking skills and a crafty mind.

Stop letting the idiots of my past (read NotSkippy) rule over my future. One man or many will not make or break this chica.

Life is not about what happens to you, its about what you do about it. Repeat this mantra often and whenever confronted by something you think you won't succeed at.

Travel far and often. The world is very small and you should see more of it..but first, find your passport.

Find something that you are absolutely terrified of doing and do it anyway.

And most importantly...

Stop avoiding your life, its going to keep going even if you aren't.

Set Ups

Do friends ever set their other friends up on dates anymore? The other day, after the subject of the under-used practice came up, I tried to think about which guys and girls I would consider setting up together. I came up with nothing. No good pairings. Nothing. Nada!

The thing is, though...I know a lot of really awesome guys and I know a lot of really awesome girls. So how is it that connections are not being made among these awesome people?

I guess there would be a lot of pressure as the setter-upper to send two friends off to make a love connection. "Hey, I think you'd really hit it off with so-and-so." would be a lot to live up to on a first date. And if you were the one being set up, imagine the pressure of trying to make it work so you don't have to go back to your friend and report in that the date smelled like cheesesteaks and was about exciting as a Golden Girls episode*.

I think the only time I was set up was my one blind date, but it wasn't exactly a match made in heaven that my friend was excited about. And I can't even recall any times when I have thought of two friends and decided that they would be perfect for each other.

Hmm, it's interesting.


*That's right. I hate Golden Girls. Suck it!

Threesomes?

Three Things That Scare Me
1. Clowns
2. Carrot Top
3. Fergie's face combined with those abs.

Three Inevitabilities That Terrify Me To My Core
1. Losing someone I'm close to.
2. Dying before I'm ready.
3. That I will one day have to pay for my childrens' college careers.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. NotCarrie's sister
2. My bakery manager
3. My dad.

Three People Who Make Me Feel Like Everything Will Turn Out OK in the End
1. My mom
2. My dad
3. NotMiranda

Three Things I Love
1. Backrubs.
2. Late night phone calls.
3. Baking

Three Things I Heart
1. Making people happy.
2. Haribo gummi bears
3. Socially smoked cigarettes.

Three Guilty Pleasures
1. Nintendo DS
2. Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that I "ruin" at work so we have to eat them.
3. Venti Americano with Hazlenut syrup.

Three Decadent Indulgences
1. Chanel liquid eyeliner.
2. Tokidoki for LeSportsac bags.
3. Steak from Sweetwater

Three Things I Haterade
1. Britney Spears' big fat bald head.
2. Country music.
3. People that micromanage.

Three Things I Don't Understand
1. How some people who try out for American Idol think they can sing.
2. NASCAR enthusiasts.
3. Why girls wear capri sweatpants when it's -23 outside, but it's okay because they've got Uggs on.

Three Things on My Desk
1. Makeup bag
2. iPod
3. Scented lotion (japanese cherry blossom from bath & body works)

Three [Innocent] Crushes
1. My bakery manager.
2. The Asian dude that sits next to me in Math class.
3. Anderson Cooper

Three People I'd Be Semi-Powerless Against
1. Justin Timberlake
2. Any of The Misfits
3. One of the NotGuys that I have talked about before.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Get a book of my poetry published.
2. Open and run my own bakery.
3. Have 3-5 children that are as wonderful as I am.

Three Things I Can Do
1. Bake a cake in the shape of a dinosaur.
2. Plan kick-ass parties.
3. Make people laugh so hard they cry.

Three Things You Should Listen To
1. Sufjan Stevens' album "Come On Feel the Illinois"
2. My advice.
3. The sound of a cat purring. It's wonderful.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To
1. Radio static.
2. Nails on a chalkboard.
3. Fall Out Boy

Three Things I'd Like to Learn
1. American Sign Language
2. How to sing professionally.
3. How to develop my own film.

Three Jobs I'd Love to Try Out
1. Movie soundtrack producer.
2. Reality television show host. (like Amazing Race, not Paradise Hotel)
3. Freelance online shopper.

Three Favorite Foods
1. Cheese & onion enchiladas with red sauce
2. Sausage, mushroom, and pea farfalle
3. Hunan chicken.

Three Favorite Quotes (This is when my mind goes blank, by the way.)
1. "If it's one thing to have missed the constellations for the stars themselves, it's another, entirely, to have never looked up."-Carl Phillips
2. "I love the way music inside a car makes you feel invisible; if you play the stereo at maximum volume, it's almost like other people can't see into your vehicle. It tints your windows, somehow."-Chuck Klosterman
3. "Uh oh, does talking cupcakes with you equal text sex?" -NotMiranda

Three OnScreen Moments [That Always Make Me Feel Better]
1. In Return to Me when David Duchovny's character finds Minnie Driver in Italy and they kiss.
2. In High Fidelity when Rob jumps behind the fence into the mud in order to hide from Laura and when he gets into the car they have sex under that willow tree.
3. Ok this one's corny. In Uptown Girls when Ray dances on the stage and all of Molly's dad's guitars are up there with her.

Three Songs I'm Always in the Mood For
1. Sufjan Stevens - "Casimir Pulaski Day"
2. Justin Timberlake- "What Goes Around"
3. Anything by the Stone Temple Pilots

Always Listen To Your Barmaid

Barmaid tagged the Nots for this one and I am never one to ignore a tag. Plus, I still can't stop thinking about hott guys with accents so it's probably best to do something else for awhile. Not that Lost is helping AT ALL. Jack is so hott. I would like to have fun with him*.

Three Things That Scare Me
1. When people throw cigarette butts out their car windows. I flinch every time.
2. Having sex that leaves me with something I do not want, be it an embryo or an std. (Note: This isn't something that has happened. It's just a fear.)
3. When new baristas make my coffee.

Three Inevitabilities That Terrify Me To My Core
1. Losing someone I'm close to.
2. Having my metabolism slooowwwww waayyyy ddooowwwnnnnnnn.
3. Having to choose between two things.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. My sister. She knows just what to say to make me laugh uncontrollably...and usually when it's inappropriate, like during the Christmas Eve service or something.
2. Bob Saget
3. NotDarling. Especially now that he knows more of my laugh buttons, too.

Three People Who Make Me Feel Like Everything Will Turn Out OK in the End
1. My mom
2. My dad
3. Brad Pitt

Three Things I Love
1. Guys who know when to go for it...and do.
2. Wheat beer
3. When I'm holding hands with someone and they sorta tickle my palm.

Three Things I Heart
1. When magazines come in the mail.
2. New CDs.
3. That my sister loves to cook for others.

Three Guilty Pleasures
1. Expensive coffee drinks.
2. Things that are fried.
3. US Weekly and the fact that I actually buy it instead of just reading it at the bookstore.

Three Decadent Indulgences
1. Clothing that I don't wear enough to make worth its price.
2. Reality shows that I think would be better if I were on them. (The Hills, Amazing Race, ANTM, etc.)
3. Flirting with people I shouldn't flirt with.

Three Things I Haterade
1. Mary J. Blige
2. Saturated fat
3. Dial Up

Three Things I Don't Understand
1. How some people graduate from college. (I have specific people in mind.)
2. Why they don't all love me.
3. How to look cool, calm and collected when it's 100 degrees out.

Three Things on My Desk
1. magazines
2. gift bags
3. condoms (just kidding)

Three [Innocent] Crushes
1. One of my coworkers.
2. A friend I haven't seen in years.
3. Clive Owen

Three People I'd Be Semi-Powerless Against
1. Justin Timberlake
2. The Russian Maestro
3. Inspector Gadget

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Live in Europe.
2. Have kids that kick ass in what they do.
3. Write a screenplay/symphony/novel.

Three Things I Can Do
1. Tie a cherry stem into a knot in my mouth. (Me, too, Barmaid! I can also unwrap a Starburst in my mouth.)
2. Ask for free beer in Polish.
3. Find the positive in anything. (Thank you, mom.)

Three Things You Should Listen To
1. Muse
2. Russian classical music
3. Your dentist about flossing.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To
1. Naysayers
2. Dave Matthews Band if you think they're the best thing out there.
3. Your college roommate having sex while you're in the room:(

Three Things I'd Like to Learn
1. How to cook fish.
2. Russian.
3. How to make money by being cool.

Three Jobs I'd Love to Try Out
1. Photographer
2. Actress
3. Music Reviewer

Three Favorite Foods
1. crab imperial
2. the pasta primavera I had in Puerto Rico
3. grilled cheese sandwiches with tomatoes

Three Favorite Quotes (This is when my mind goes blank, by the way.)
1. "I haven't been this happy in minutes."
2. ["You wanna have sex with him?"] "I just like how he's always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great. Well, either sex or a conversation. Ideally both." Again, Barmaid, I have to leave this one because I heart it.)
3. Anything Lorelai says.

Three OnScreen Moments [That Always Make Me Feel Better]
1. When Jordan Catalano reaches for Angela's hand in the hallway.
2. When Ross and Rachel kiss.
3. When Brad Pitt takes his shirt off.

Three Songs I'm Always in the Mood For
1. Everlong- Foo Fighters
2. Today- Smashing Pumpkins
3. Foolish Games- Jewel


*This should remind you of a moment in the show, ok?

You bring the couch...I'll bring the movies

Today I realized just how many movies are out there that I want to see. It feels like I haven't been to a show in forever, and I had to cancel my Netflix because I was that girl who would keep the same movie for 3 months because she could never find the time to watch it. I want a day on a couch with a boy and stack of movies.

Anyone want to play catch-up with me?

49%

The short story would be: I had a realllllly good birthday.


The longer, but not so long you get bored, story goes something like this:

We shopped. We ate. We walked. We drank. And then it was time to go out for my birthday, and that is when the fun started. With just a vague plan for the evening, we set out looking our hottest back to where we had seen a bunch of bars and pubs earlier in the day. Our original plan had been to do a pub crawl of sorts up the street, drinking and flirting as we went along-our own little path of destruction in honor of my birthday. The plan changed, though, when we ordered our first drinks at the Peculiar Pub and met NotRugby* and NotButtonDown, two gents from the motherland (England.)

Ummmm, I'm a sucker for an accent, as are many other women, and that, mixed with some charm went a looooong way last night. And it's interesting because we started off the evening just talking and being funny with the occasional flirting or eye-batting going on. A few beers and rum and cokes later was a different story. I guess as the birthday girl it was understood I got one of them...at least, that's how I saw it in my head:) NotCharlotte stepped up like a champ and worked it and reversed it with the other. Although by then everything was muddled and it was a blur of flirting, ass-grabbing, and propositions.

Ahhh yes, the propositions! "Sex or nothing" I was told. NotButtonDown was very into the idea of getting me and NotCharlotte back to their hotel room and well, about 49% of me was into the idea, too. Just enough of me was sensible enough to not go to a random hotel room where it was very obvious what was expected. I really wanted to kiss him (at least), though, but I guess it was his m.o. to make me wait for everything. Well, not everything, I guess. He also had another interesting tactic for getting me to go back with him and holy hell it probably increased my wanting to go to 49.999999999999999%.

But I have good friends who don't let their other good, drunk friends go off with random men-no matter how cute they are and how hott their accents are. *sigh* So, while part of me still wishes I was blogging about the hott night spent with NotButtonDown at his hotel room, the majority of me knows I made the correct decision.


(Do guys really get blue balls?? If so...sorry, NotButtonDown. I did offer to take you to the back, so really, it was your loss. Thanks for an awesome birthday and if the card with our url that I so kindly and 'gently' placed into your pants pocket actually made it back with you**, then please let us know. )

Happy Birthday to me!


*Although the jury is still out as to whether he would be NotRugby or Notnotrugby-get it?
**HAHAHA, Although I just realized that if he looked at the card later in the night he would have read, "No Sex & The City," which just seems like cruel and unusual punishment at that point. And after all of that beer, he probably couldn't even focus on the url. Hilarious. I just hope he forgets about it until he gets home and does laundry..."What is this?"...

Snow Blows

This morning was spent catching up on homework that I had been pushing back for weeks. Two o'clock rolled around and much to my surprise, I was almost done with my 5 page paper on Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott" and figured I would have enough time to spruce up before heading out to my poetry group meeting and a nice Valentine's day dinner/shopping episode with NotMiranda.
I put on my warmest sweater, cutest shoes, and brightest scarf and I was heading out the door a good hour early so I would have time to sweep the glorious snow off my Toyota and head out for some coffee before creating some beautiful rhythms of the poem kind.
It only took me fifteen minutes to sweep off my car, so I was in good spirits. I loved the way the snow crunched under my feet as I happily moved from one side of the car to the other and gleefully I splayed icy snow everywhere.
I got in my car, all warmed up already, and was listening to my wonderful XM radio as I put my car into reverse and started, with just a slow push of my accelerater, down my driveway....

into the depths of an icy Hell. I get to the bottom of my not-to-steep driveway and that's about it. Lola's wheel's would not go any further. I tried going forwards. I tried going backwards. I tried moving my body back and forth, in hopes that it would give my car the extra oomph it needed to safely get me to the open road.

No such luck. I bang my head against my steering wheel, feeling like an escaped convict that's just been tricked. I slowly pull myself out of the car to see that I had simply forgotten the 1 foot snowbank that surrounded my block like a castle moat. I stood there, shocked at my own ignorance and quickly moved to the sidewalk after seeing several trucks with shovels attached to them swerve out of the way of my car. Sharks!

I trudge back to my house, this time a bit more perturbed and suddenly notice the snow caving into my shoes. I kick them off in a fit of rage and go inside to call the only man i know-- my father. He tells me what to do and I don't like the sound of it. Me, with a shovel? and KITTY LITTER? Heaven forbid! I go upstairs to complain via im to NotMiranda, who immediately calls a cab to come save me. I shove my feet into the only boots I can find- big black honkers with no toe-wiggle room or hott factor-- and trudge back outside with my handy dandy beige shovel and big blue bag of Fresh Step.
I shovelled like a champ, getting what I thought was every bit of icy snow that blocked my poor Lola's wheels from the dark pavement. I sprayed kitty litter everywhere and felt like my cat, almost had sympathy for her getting that shit everywhere when she was marking her territory.

I get back into my car with renewed courage. I start the ignition, put the car into reverse...

And smell nothing but burning rubber. Dejected, I start making phone calls. My knights in shining armor turn into ladies with indie craft spirit and when they arrive, we will burn the snow away with our sharp wit and photographic lenses.

Ah, screw it.
Where the fuck is my knight in shining armor?

A dating update from the trenches...

The post below comes to us from one of the many girls who won a date with our eligible bachelors. We'll call her NotParis, since she came to my birthday party as Paris Hilton : )

*************

Warning: this is a very girly telling of my auction date, i.e. very detailed and emotional in its rendering. Some events may be distorted due to the estrogen that runs through my body, therefore making events more dramatic then they may have been.

So, the day before the date I got really nervous about meeting this guy, although I talked to him over the phone and exchanged a few emails. My friends also teased me unmercifully about this date. They would ask me questions and then laugh in a way that made me feel self conscious. So Saturday I wake up about 4am and can't go back to sleep. So I decide to clean my apartment and do laundry. So I go wash some clothes and the washer and the dryer don't work, although it took my money and I don't realize they don't work until I finished running a dryer cycle. So I feel this does not bode well for my day. He calls me while I am in the laundry room and I think the message is going to say that he has to cancel our outing, but no he just wants to move it to an earlier time. He finally manage to speak to each other and decide to meet at the dance studio, rather than the coffee shop before the class. I hurry to finish getting ready and out of the house. I had tried to time my route so I would get there on time, but alas metro doesn't keep to the schedule and I end up being late. We had planned on taking an African-Caribbean beginners dance class. So when I finally show up, I look at the class and every one dressed in sweats and leotards, and the both of us are a little over dressed for the class. I think the class was more intense than we had initially thought and the idea of wearing sweaty close for the rest of the date was not appealing. So we decide to change gears and find alternate plans, and that is when the craziness ensues. We decide to head over to a museum and begin trying to find the best metro route to get from 15th Street, NE to the Mall area in NW. So as we begin to walk a random stranger decides to give me advice on the men I date. He screams at me down the street about why am I with the guy I am with. I try to laugh it off and hope that Chuckles is not embarrassed. So we finally find a bus stop and just talk. So we talk and talk and talk until the bus comes. We get on the bus and continue our conversation. I am not really sure what we talked about, I know it was mix of philosophy, DC politics, life and corny jokes. I have to admit that I thought the corny jokes were funny (sometimes) and they made him seem likable. At some point I tell him how my hands were cold and I had forgotten my gloves and he offers up a pair of his own, which was sweet. So while we are waiting for another bus, we begin to talk about the philosophy of Heidegger and the inauthentic life. I don't know if we were talking too loud or someone was just ear hustling, but a random woman asks us if a person should be held responsible for things that they do not know. I look up and tell her "no", in hopes that this will pacify her. It doesn't. I look up and see the bus coming, but she is talking to Chuckles and I think she is trying to get him to admit to something, I am not sure what exactly. He being polite and trying to tell her that we were just talking about a particular philosopher's belief and that he did not feel like he could talk about her point unless he explained Heidegger and he did not have time for that right now. Myself just got on the bus and went to go find a place to sit and leave him to handle the woman who wanted to argue. We finally make it to the Mall and decide to go the Natural History museum. While in the museum, he keeps asking if I was hungry or wanted a snack. It took me minute to realize that he was hungry and was trying to lead me in the direction of food. He suggests the museum food, which I am totally against and am glad to see a long line in the food court. So we leave the museum to find a place to eat. We walk around downtown with no luck, every restaurant we come across is closed or not what we are looking for. I begin to feel bad because I know he is hungry and I am shooting down places for various reasons. We find ourselves in Chinatown and go to a Mexican restaurant. The wait is not bad and we get our table. Once again a random stranger feels it is okay to start talking to me and flirt with me. So this guy at another table asks for some of my food and keeps making comments towards me. I am trying my best to ignore this guy. I feel like if I was alone or with my girls, then he would not have a word to say to me. But as soon as I am out with a guy, he now feels it is okay. Chuckles on the other hand is giving me compliments and making me laugh, that last part might have been also influenced by the pitcher of sangria I had to myself. There is one compliment that he gave me that really went to my head and made me fell all flustered. When he goes to give me the compliment he tries to at the same time be smooth about it and it goes awry. When that happens, I think that made him seem so adorable to me. I have been out with guys who are the epitome of smooth and I have a horrible time because it becomes too ridiculous for me. But Chuckles made me feel comfortable and relaxed, along with the sangria. So we finished up lunch and headed for the metro. He goes to wait with me for my train and we talk about meeting up again in the future. I agree and get on the train. Then I go home and fall asleep. Overall, I think this was one of the best dates I have been on in while and I really enjoyed myself and Chuckles' company. Thanks the not girls for putting together this auction.

A gentleman's game

Friday night was indeed date night seeing as I went on the date I won in the charity auction. Mine was kind of like cheating since it was with NotBeast, and it's not like we don't hang out or have a history already established. I didn't have to worry about butterflies or what he'd think of me when he finally saw me. Even deciding what to wear wasn't stressful, since he has probably seen me at my worst at some point. The only thing that had me a little worried was the fact that we can both be on the quiet side, and I would have really felt bad staring at him all through dinner. Our date, which consisted of Vietnamese food and Pan's Labyrinth, can be summed up by saying that he's a really sweet, thoughtful date. When I had to excuse myself during the movie, he made sure to ask if I was ok when I returned and then quickly caught me up on what I had missed. On dropping me off, he made sure to get out of the car and send me away with an amazing hug*.

Throughout the evening I was overcome with guilt because my mind kept wandering to my plans for Saturday night and the new person I was to be meeting. Whereas getting ready to go out with NotBeast was a nonissue in regard to nerves, preparing myself mentally to meet this new guy was the complete opposite. We had been engaging in this intense flirtation for the past several days and were finally going to meet. I started to get really nervous pretty early on Saturday, so I decided I needed a drink before heading out to calm my nerves. The upshot is that I had enough to drink that I'm not sure I could easily pick him out of a lineup if I saw him again. I'm probably being a bit overly dramatic. I'm sure I could spot him in a crowded room, but I was pretty drunk and don't recall the finer details of some of our conversation that night. He, too, turned out to be a true gentleman because when I pretty much offered myself up for the sacrificing, he refused and told me I was way too drunk. Lest I not take every opportunity to make an ass of myself, I made sure to send a snarky message on my way home. Really, people, keep me away from the alcohol when I'm nervous. I think just sucking it up and being nervous would be preferable.

Hopefully I get a second chance to make a better impression.


*I tried to get you ladies to bid on those arms!

Wine Not Whine (Date Recap)

Where are your auction date recaps, my friends? I have unofficially heard about two of them and have officially been on one myself. So while I can't repeat what I have been told in private conversation, I guess I will have to tell you about my own. Well, mine and NotCharlotte's since it occurred at the same time.

We, along with NotAGentleman met up the other night for what had been named the Date Extravaganza. While I was a little worried I would end up feeling like a chaperone (I'm four years older than the two of them), I was also excited for a night on the town with someone who admittedly likes the Gilmore Girls and has a hott picture next to a motorcycle somewhere out there. (Yes, two of the reasons I wanted to bid.)

For anyone looking for ideas of what to do on your own dates, I highly suggest modeling your evening after ours. We had everything from good food and wine to 80s dancing and liquor. I even enjoyed our times when we decided to walk from place to place. I love the cold weather and it gives more opportunities for talking as it can be a little more difficult when inside noisy restaurants and bars.

We even avoided doing too much of the dreaded small talk. It's nice when you can move right on into favorite childhood memories and favorites foods instead of politely asking of each other what is done each day between 9 and 5. *snore* It's not that I don't care (because I do, I like to hear about people's passions), but there is so much more than, "What do you do?" Maybe it was the booze, but I don't think anyone was very guarded on the date. It was like we let it all out, including making jokes about stds and singing while walking down the street.

So...a good date. NOW, WHAT ABOUT YOURS?!

Be Mine?

I have never been one to get all up in arms about Valentine's Day and worry about having a date for it or whether or not I will receive chocolates and flowers from my significant other. I have been blessed with a birthday just a few days after 14 February and who cares about the day of lovey-doveyness when The Day Of Me is soon after?! Vday is the perfect day to plan birthday extravaganza outfits and to try to find out birthday secrets from friends. And as long as I get a card from my mom, I'll be happy;)

That said, does anyone want to be my Valentine? There isn't much to the job, it's more about the title really. Things you will not be expected to do: write poetry about how hott I am, make a mix CD full of "our songs," deliver Godiva chocolates to my front door (after replacing all of the disgusting ones with my favorites like coconut and dark chocolate), or send me long-stem red roses-one for every day you have known and loved me. The requirements are fairly easy: basically I just say you're my Valentine and maybe if we encounter each other we makeout, but I leave that up to you-no pressure, expectations, or requirements.

So, what do you think? Be mine?


***Update*** To be my Valentine you have to be charming, hott, and sexy, but really, I assume all of our male readers are so I don't see a problem with these requirements. Oh....you do have to be male. That is a firm requirement.
***Update #2*** Please take a number and I will be with you as soon as possible;)
***Update #3*** Due to making out logistics, all participants in the DC metro area will be given preference.

Because I can

If posts were to come with ratings, I’d have to say I’m aiming for a PG-13/R rating on today’s post. I have a confession, so let’s see if I can manage. I had text sex on Sunday night. Really hott text sex actually, while at work and unable to consummate my online tryst. Where NotGeorge was nothing but a tease, NotAvailable took it all the way. Again…and again. My rosy cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of scarlett, and I couldn’t help but bite my lip. What he did with words I imagine most men can’t do with their hands.

Ok…stopping. Must maintain PG-13 rating. Now look who’s the tease.

No, I don't want electrolysis for Valentine's Day

I'm ambivalent this year about Valentine's Day. Or I will be until the day arrives and then I flip out because once again I don't have a Valentine of my very own, but that's another post for another time.

This evening on my drive home I was listening to the radio and one of the commercials had two women talking about the latest in electrolysis and fat removal. And while I tend to tune this out, I was surprised by the next words that came from the voice over.

"Give this as a gift this Valentine's Day." (I'm paraphrasing, but you get it, right?).

It was enough to make me almost slam on the breaks. Give the gift of a hairless crotch, back, underarm or the gift of a cellulite free butt or thighs. I know that we're a bit superficial, but this was almost too much for me to take. What happened to the flowers and jewelry? Three day weekends, promise rings and engagements...? Is this what Valentine's Day has finally evolved into? Give the gift of beauty, because you're not impressed with the person you're attached to as is?

I'm only 27 soon to be 28 and I feel really old because I expect the romance of Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day, not the superficial claptrap that we can get every other day of the year. If there are any guys who read this blog, do the women in your lives a favor...give them romance on V-Day. Long slow kisses to wake them, bunches of their favorite flowers at their desk at work, surprise dinners at their favorite restaurants, etc. And ladies you too. Give him, the shower girl special in the morning, silk boxers to cradle his bits all day, flashes of thigh (or his favorite body part) while at dinner. Quite honestly, I would like to do and have these things done for me on the daily basis if I were in a relationship, but I'm not so I have to settle for telling others what to do.

Five is Alive!

Alright, as per our tag, here are 5 interesting/weird/random facts about me:

1. I have a chicken pox scar on my chin. When I was younger, I used to tell people that it was from having a badly done lip piercing because I thought it made me more "hard core."
2. I like video games. I recently acquired a Nintendo DS and it's pretty much all I play when I have any freetime.
3. I have a constant urge to go to culinary school for a degree in pastry arts, but I won't for fear of failure.
4. When I was 4, I ran into a door jamb and knocked my two front teeth out. They didn't grow back until I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. It was horrible.
5. I absolutely love taking pictures of random things.

Is She Weird?

Well, we were all tagged and I never ignore a tag! So, weird/interesting/random things about me? Ummmmm:

1. I love Pantera. (That's not weird. It's supposed to be random, ok?)

2. I was PreMed my first couple of years of college until I realized that 1) Organic Chem is the Anti-Christ and 2) I didn't want to have to be in school for so long and end up a lame-ass who wears mom pants because instead of having a fun life, I was inside studying. (Not that all doctors are lame-asses, I'm really drawing from personal experiences here. No, *I* never wore mom pants, but I know someone who is my age, a doctor, and wears the dreaded 9-inch zipper.)

3. I was runner-up in my county's tennis tournament when I was 16. I was runner-up because on the day of the final I lost all ability to hit a backhand.

4. I had a larger-than-life crush on the bass player of a band where I used to live. The crush completely dissipated once I heard him talk;)

5. I have never seen Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, or Spaceballs.

Anything weird or random that's directly related to this blog is probably something I have already told you. Plus, you don't only want to hear about (lack of) dating, right?

Like Graffiti...I've been tagged...

I was tagged by What's Haute who wants to know weird/interesting/odd/random facts about me so here goes!

1) I can find a bargain anywhere. And I do mean anywhere. My best finds to date have been a red pea coat ($6), an awesome pair of Chinese Laundry sandals (40% off + and additional 20% because of a slighty torn, but repairable strap), and a cream pair of silk lined pants for under $20.

2) I've considered getting some genitalia pierced.

3) I love the comics drawn by Kevin J. Taylor and am eagerly waiting for the next one.

4) I'm a pack rat and don't like to throw anything away. Seriously, I've got clothing that's out of style, but I won't get rid of it for some reason, I think I may need an intervention.

5) I'm a fangirl and love the Harry Potter fandom. I would squee, but I would like to think I'm too serious for that.

Preventative Medicine???

Sometimes being single is a good thing.

I had a customer ask me about a book for keeping your marriage from falling apart before you get married. Color me puzzled, but why try to prevent something from happening if the catalyst for it hasn't even occurred yet? I've always thought of marriage as a two way street, both parties should take equal responsibility for making it work. However, she seemed ready to make sure that they did things by the book to keep it from joining the 50% of the country that didn't make it.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe second guessing both yourself and your partner is the wave of the future. Maybe dooming your marriage before you start is the best way to make sure you succeed above all. Maybe I've just found yet another reason to add to "the list" of things I will not do as a prerequisite for getting married. Maybe this is just another made up ruse by the Self Improvement book industry to get people to buy books on things that should be common sense anyway. Right now I'll just file this under preventative medicine, right next to removing a body part because it may become cancerous.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Call me crazy, but I feel hotter and (I can't believe I'm saying this) sexier now that my hair is long again. I have an amazing hair stylist who took me on a journey from very long up to about chin length in the course of a year and while I loved all the different looks he gave me, I'm excited to have long hair again.

Last January my hair was cute and flippy and I loved it, but I wouldn't have called it sexy. I'm not sure how the male population felt about it, but I'd like to think I would have gotten an A+ from the fashionable Elle or something. Fast forward a year later and my hair has grown into a style and length I am really enjoying (and I'm hoping others are, too *wink*). It's to the point of rating well in a Cosmo survey of most desirable length in a male reader poll. You know what I'm talking about, right? They often report that men prefer long hair on a women and I've even heard the same from guys I know in real life. So, is it true, guys? Do you have a preference when it comes to our hair? Or is it like shoes where you really could not care less?

Your Eyes Open

This morning, whilst making my delicious bakery items, I became privy to the following conversation that occured between my favorite coworker (NotTuesdays) and another coworker that we could take or leave (NotTall):

NotTuesdays: So NotCharlotte, yesterday I had an intersting conversation with NotTall about you yesterday.
Me: Oh really?
NT: Yes, really. We were talking about my work schedule and I said something about how much I love working on Tuesdays with you and he stops what he's doing and gets a far off look in his eyes. He goes 'Man, that NotCharlotte. She's got the most captivating eyes. If she were a little bit older, or I were a little less taken...'
Me: *abah* whaaat? How old is he?
NT: I think he's around 39. He kept talking about your eyes and how much he likes your laugh and how you're always happy and so fun to be around.
Me: *speechless*

This was all very flattering, but honestly, I didn't expect this coming from a man that I consider old enough to be my... older uncle. He's always complimenting me on my eyes, but I didn't know it was that intense of a "like." I'm not sure if I should be flattered about this or slightly creeped out. Those are perfect words to be said about myself, I only wish they could have come out of someone else's mouth...

Different strokes

Have you ever wondered why conversations had while intoxicated are sometimes the most enlightening? I got tipsy on Saturday night in honor of NotCharlotte's birthday, and somewhere between the hours of 3:45 am and 6:00 am I got drunk. Pool having been played and the bar long closed, we settled onto NotSamantha's couches and continued a more laid back version of the party. What I recall of the conversation NotGraceful and I had blows my mind. Somehow we wound up on the topic on the female orgasm. I don't know how we got there, and I don't recall every word exchanged. What I do remember is that NotGraceful asserted the belief that all women required the exact same thing (i.e., method) to bring them to orgasm and that, if a woman didn't orgasm, it was her own fault. Things that came out of his mouth included something to the effect of there only being so much he could do. NotCharlotte says I got a bit heated at this point and began arguing vehemently that each woman was different and what works for one may not work on the next. I must have gotten some of my points across because toward the end he conceded (and I agreed with) that a woman should be up for helping a man figure out what to do.

Moral of the story: Women are not all the same, and simply going with standard operating procedure is not always good enough.

Philosophical Friday

Since I am a dork (and am told so often, ahem), I just had the briefest of thoughts about a correlation between the amount of beauty sleep I will get tonight and the number of guys I will encounter in a favorable manner tomorrow while me, NotMiranda and NotCharlotte are hanging out. And now, so you don't think "encounter in a favorable manner" means something whoreish, I just mean flirting and stuff and having fun. Just encountering new people and being open, friendly and inviting. LMNT said it much better than I ever could and it's a philosophy I need to not only believe in, but live by. So, even though I'll be running on fumes tomorrow from a lack of sleep, I'm going to face my entire day with the optimism that it could be the day I meet my next friend...or boyfriend...or whoever. It doesn't matter who, it's just about taking more in. I'm excited for tomorrow. Er, today. (Friday!)

Secret agent girl

I’m a voracious reader. As of late, my knowledge of books with naughty passages is being put to the test by a certain someone as we play a game of cloak and dagger around the city. Yesterday I found myself tucked into a quiet corner of a nearly deserted bookstore as I thumbed through Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage in search of page 147 and a special message for me. My cheeks burned a vibrant red as I felt myself getting excited by the story unfolding on the page. A smile slowly crept up as I spied the note meant for me. You are a dangerous but delightful flirt. Dangerous indeed.

Random Kisses

I placed an unofficial moratorium on random kisses awhile back when I guess I was either feeling specific about certain people or just that such randomness wasn't my thing anymore. Kissing people who weren't on my romantic radar just seemed like an "early-twenties" thing I didn't want to do anymore.

Well, alert the media because I'm lifting this self-imposed idea for now. And who let me be such a stick in the mud about it all anyway? I'll rethink my personal position on random kissing after I get my next kiss in, but just like a heroin addict and his next fix, do you really think I'm going to quit after one? It's just been way too long.

So guys, go ahead and line up. Nice and orderly, please. I recommend Orbitz's new Mint Mojito gum if you're unprepared and try to keep your hands PG13, please. We're not making a porno here.

Screw the Boyfriend, I just want someone to dance with...

I love to dance.

No seriously, I do.

And my favorite type of dance is latin. Doesn't matter which; Salsa, Tango or Merengue, I love them all. There are others, but for me, those are the only ones I can spell...that is unless I spelled merengue wrong. I've decided that in this mess of wanting (and for some needing) a boyfriend, I just want someone to dance with. Someone, who isn't afraid to get on the dance floor and shake his, hopefully with some rhythm, booty. It doesn't hurt that he'll be holding me in his arms either.
And right now that's all I want. Today, I feel like my wants and needs are simple, uncomplicated and easy to meet. So what about you?

Paper Shoes

I enjoy making lists. It's something I do on a daily basis. One reason could be that I just like seeing the way my handwriting looks on post-its, but usually it's because I have a problem with my short term memory. Just the other day I was at my bakery job, standing next to the oven, when I decided I needed some baking sheets. I walk from my station over to where the trays are, about 5 feet, get there, and completely forgot what I went over there for. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers saw what I was doing and ridiculed me relentlessly until I remembered that their first concert was MC Hammer and said "Break it down: woah woah, woahwoah woah woah" and did the running man.
This evening I received some unfortunate news about NotGraceful and realized that not only was he an asshole, but that everyone of you that commented on my previous blog was correct in your assumptions about him. I started feeling bad about myself, embarrassed even that I had been so stupid and that I still have to see him with the knowledge that we hooked up and that it was just "friends with benefits" kind of stuff.
Although I never commented back to any of you, I'd like to thank you all for your insight. It's funny that sometimes complete strangers know more about your real situation than you do.

In my bout of self-pity pouting, I started to make a list of reasons that I would be a bad girlfriend. Here is what I came up with:
1. I require sleep and food at regular intervals. If I do not get either a nap or a snack in after a long day at work, I will be pretty grumpy.
2. I have a penchant for 80s music, specifically Journey, Foreigner, Europe, and Def Leppard. I have no idea why, but "Final Countdown" is the best song to sing at loud intervals while doing just about anything, including but not limited to driving from Fairfax to Springfield, making fruit tarts, or eating at Fridays with a big group of people.
3. I make unnecessary sound effects. A lot.
4. I watch Food Network like it's my job. And then I talk about it when I'm not watching it.
5. I speak German fluently. Apparently to some men this is a turn off because it reminds them of someone hacking up a hairball while trying to drink soup simultaneously.
6. I don't like watching sports on television, however if I am at a live sporting event I automatically turn into a fair weather fan.
7. I am an avid text messager. If you can't respect the text, then I can't respect you.

These facts are sad, but 100% true.

Reporting In

I've already heard from a few of you about some dates being set up, which is so exciting, and I hope you all keep in touch with us and let us know how the Auction Aftermath is going. Because, if you will remember, if any of you hit it off, you have us to thank and we expect to be invited to the nuptials. I won't wear a pastel dress, though, so plan accordingly.

Please report in and let us know what you and your date decide to do. And if you're worried about us stalking you, tell us after-the-fact. That's fine...we are always looking for new things to do and date ideas would be much appreciated. Some ideas I've heard thrown around for the DC area are Lucky Strikes, The Black Cat for a show and/or drinks, grub at a restaurant, etc.

If you don't want to put your date details in the comments section, feel free to email me. And if you're really feeling it, let me know if we can ask you a few questions after the big night. Wouldn't that be fun!?

She Works Hard For The Hotty*

Usually when I am at the ol' part time job I can be a total Debbie Downer, but with my reminder to myself to be more positive in negative situations, I have taken to creating things to look forward to. Lately it has been the increase in eye candy in the store and when stuck in a place for 8 hours, there's nothing better than something good to look at. (Well, one thing better would be to be sent home but still paid.) And holy hell have there been some fine, young gentleman in there lately!

+ UK Pants Guy- This is a regular and yes, he has an accent. NotMiranda actually got the ball rolling with him by commenting on said pants. I just hope he doesn't keep wearing them everyday in hopes that we will comment again. We do like other articles of clothing, too.

+ Knit Cap Guy- I wonder if you noticed when I looked deep into your eyes as you told me what you wanted. Connection-did you feel that? Please come back. I know what you'll want next time;)

+ Hot, Charming, Coworker- Oh wait, an empty category. I have high hopes for new hires.

+ Tall Guy With Too Short Girl- Dump her. She's too short and you're going to hurt your back bending over so far to speak loudly so she can hear you. I'm more on your level.

+ Randoms- Come back soon, please. So far you have just been blips on the radar, but if you come back, I promise you a nickname and some eyelash batting.




*So bad. I know.

The results are in

This morning I felt like one of those accountant guys from the Oscars as I reviewed the results of the first ever Not Girls Charity Auction. Instead of sealed envelopes, I sent missives via email. Fun!

The Retropolitan was right. All told, we raised $871 for V-Day. Our maximum bid total was $990, so if any of you ladies are feeling generous and feel like donating your maximum bid, feel free to go to the payment site and do so for V-Day.

Thanks so much to all who participated!! You guys (and girls) were awesome! I hope you had as much fun as we did.

Rounding the bases

Alright, we're entering the home stretch and hoping for a final HUGE push!!! We are roughly 13.5 hours from the close of the auction, and there are still plenty of bids left to be made. Not single, consider purchasing a date for your closest single friend. You give to charity...you give to your friends...what a giving person you are!

But He Fought A Bear!

If you're living in the Windy City and aren't looking forward to your weekend forecast of cold and snow, distract yourself by bidding on Tristan of Bend It Like Assclown. I can personally* vouch for him being a great guy who will no doubt make you laugh and will also be able to maintain good conversation about a number of subjects. And he's tall!

Come on Chicago, REPRESENT!!!!!!!


*Ha, my use of italics made that sound kind of suggestive.

ARMageddon

Ever think about cuddling on the couch with a pair of nice strong arms around you? Look no further than Tice. Not only do his arms make you melt, but he's a super nice guy who is really into movies and philosophy.

Want to make this real-life "Luke" yours? Bid on Tice!!!

Theo...RRRRRREOW!

Let's hear it for Theo! (Right about now I'm hoping he really is laid-back and relaxed since I'm totally pimping him out right now in the interweb.)

How can you resist a man who not only has a cat on his shoulder in his pic, but loves "driving fast on a curvy back road"? That's hott, right?


Go bid! And to clear up any confusion, bidding ends tomorrow night.

Stamina Man

In our auction, he's known as Rob but all you faithful bloggers out there know him as Hagrin. Ignore the unitard* in his photo, this funny, sweet New Yorker wants your bids!

*He's training for a marathon...this means stamina, ladies.

Here's The Deal

Brian, do not fret. You are not actually at zero bids. As a few of you have found out, the auction page won't let you bid on Brian because he doesn't have a picture there. NOT TO WORRY, you can email your bids in and we will just have to keep you updated on that here. I believe he is at $10 right now? I will have to double check, but I know he's not at zero. Noone is.


It's been a great day of some intense bidding, but we're not even halfway there yet! The auction will close at midnight on Saturday and since tomorrow has to be payday for a large majority of you chicas out there, I expect to see even more action on the bidding site tomorrow. So get some rest, get some money and bid on these guys! Keep spreading the word, too. We're not just in DC for this thing, we've got Chicago, Oxfordshire, Arkansas, California, Georgia, and Oregon with representation.

Happy Bidding!

Bid Wars

Ladies, head on over to The Not Girls Charity Auction and pick up a man in the name of charity. Get your bid on!

I never promised you a rose garden

This is going to be a long post, and you probably won’t read it. I don’t really care. I’m writing this for me because I have to get it all out somewhere. This is 6-8 months worth of posts, people. This is the story of NotGeorge.

Maybe you’ll recall several months ago that NotGeorge appeared on my list of crushes. What started out in a “typical” blogger relationship, reading each other’s posts and commenting, developed into an online friendship. We began instant messaging each other and talking on the phone. There would be times I’d look up at the clock and realize we had been talking for 6 hours without pause. When a bottle of wine was involved, we would jokingly refer to these as “dates”. There was the obligatory exchange of pictures and my declaration that we were just friends. Still, there was minor flirting on both parts, and he wormed his way in. My crush developed. This is someone I would talk to every day. He got in, made it past my firewall.

There were warning signs that I think I wanted to ignore. Despite the flirting, this was no relationship. He made mention of other women, and I was busy kissing him and him. Eventually the inevitable happened, and a job interview brought him to DC and a weekend with me. As it got closer and closer to our actual meeting, I confessed I had developed a bit of a crush and was tired of hearing of these other potential women, particularly the body builder*. We had what I think was a frank discussion on the potential chemistry we may or may not have, and I began to get nervous about actually meeting him.

Meeting any fellow blogger for the first time is unnerving, but imagine meeting one you had developed a bit of a fondness for. I felt like I was being forced to take a midterm I couldn’t study for. Waiting to face someone at the airport who is supposed to stay with you for the next four days is unnerving. Oh wait, did I say supposed to stay with me? The first wrench in what could have been a smooth meeting was tossed in by me. Circumstances outside of my control dictated that he couldn’t stay at my apartment, so rather than tell him about it in advance, I arranged other accommodations. This is not the kind of information to wait to impart to someone you just met and that has just stepped off an airplane. It’s something I’m still living down.

Once we got past the fact that he would be staying in a motel, the weekend went ok. I was definitely a bundle of nerves that first night, but the first full day was better. After his first round of interviews, we met up for some legal reception and later his friend for drinks. Alcohol definitely helped the cause, putting everyone more at ease. Honestly, at this point I was still trying to figure out if we had “it” but was thinking maybe we did. Nerves made my emotions so difficult to sort out.

That night I stayed at the motel with him, and talk about awkward. I had no idea what to do with myself (no…not like that). I was supposed to be the aggressive one. That’s the way our online conversations played out, but how can you be sexually aggressive with someone you’ve just met. I guess you can’t really if you’re me. What ensued was quirky at worst, sweet at best. There was the back scratching thing**, the minor wrestling thing, and the cuddling/spooning/trying to sleep thing.

Stress levels were back up the next day because my birthday party was that night, and he was going to meet a good number of my friends, including all of the Not girls and some of the characters like NotGraceful*** and NotBeast***. To keep this as short as possible, let’s just say that on my birthday I got drunk, became obsessed with NotSamantha’s flogger and made a number of sloppy passes and the statement, “I don’t want to want you.”****

I woke that Sunday morning to be told that he was glad I (the sober, sane one) was back and that he had started not to like me last night. Despite hearing I’d made such an ass of myself, what ensued was an endearing day of napping and talking on the couch with some Amazing Race that night. At one point, NotGeorge shoots me a look and when asked what it was for, he says he is considering jumping me. When I ask why he doesn’t, the subject is changed. A bit later I look at him and tell him I want him to kiss me. His response is that part of him wants to kiss me, too. I ask about the part that doesn’t and what ensues is a confusing conversation about his being afraid if we took that next step we’d eventually lose the friendship and closeness that we have. In spite of the conversation, kissing did occur, and I’m really having a hard time describing it. Was there the chemistry that told my brain I’d die if he ever stopped kissing me? No. It was nice…and sweet…and I could have gone on kissing him for a long time. However, I sensed him holding back.

As I was driving him to the airport the next morning, I had wrapped my mind around the fact that we were destined for friends-only territory and had already decided it would be a goodbye hug at the airport. And then he kisses me goodbye. When I return the kiss somewhat platonically, his response is, “that’s all?” We kiss again with a bit more passion, and I say something about the fact that I think I’m going to miss him. I surprise myself by shedding a tear as I drive away.

At this point, I’m completely confused and becoming a total girl. Wtf? Are we friends? Are we more than friends? Rather than confronting this issue head on, I do what any girl would do…I analyze…and analyze. He’s back at home and things go somewhat back to normal. I think that perhaps I’ll see him when I go home for the holidays and things will get sorted out then. In the meantime, we continue to chat online and on the phone.

Flash forward a couple of weeks, and I get an email asking if I would be willing to drive from Austin to San Francisco with him and help him move after Christmas. Always up for an adventure, I agree. In a follow-up email, he writes this (among other things):

“We could spend a romantic new year’s eve in some motel! J”

What? Was he joking? My stomach flipped a little and the girl in me thought maybe. The warning signs were still there, though. I should have been taking off the rose-colored glasses and busting out a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. There were comments like, “I wish I had a girlfriend to…” I knew clarity had to be gained on the road to San Francisco.

(This post is really too long. Sorry!)

So, two weeks ago I travel to Austin and set out to help this man move from Austin to San Francisco and see a little bit of the country in the process. Moving is stressful, but it’s been a while since I’ve fought with someone as much as we bickered at the beginning of that trip. He would get frustrated and bark at me, putting me on edge and making me get snippy back. We weren’t communicating or were (quite literally) not hearing what the other person was saying. I sobbed that first night after a misunderstanding***** that had us sleeping in separate cars at a truck stop in Van Horn, TX.

On the road the next day, I knew we needed to talk (and soon). I, at least, had to clear up the whole relationship issue. That night we stopped for sushi in Phoenix, and I decided to strike******. I brought up the airport and explained how it completely threw me, how I had been ready to be ok with friends and that it made me think and hope there was something more. He reasoned that (1) it was just a kiss; (2) after such an intense weekend, it had felt appropriate; and (3) he had also been a bit confused at the time. I think I made it clear that I don’t kiss my friends or sleep/cuddle with my friends. I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped when he responded by saying if he had wanted to be more than friends, he would have felt me up. Hmmm…insulted. This was turning into a positive trip. Once back on the road, I kept thinking I should cry, that I should be more upset. It didn’t happen though. Maybe the stress of our arguing had drained me of any emotion. Maybe I just wasn’t that into him. I don’t know. That brings us to this post.

(This is where I play amateur psychologist.)

There was more tension, more stress, but things did get better, especially once the moving and unpacking were done. We were more open about what frustrated us in the other. The days that followed were sightseeing and domestic errands. It’s odd how quickly you can lull yourself into a routine. I found myself developing a deeper bond of friendship with him through everything we had gone through. There were moments like New Year’s Eve when I wanted to kiss or walking down the street when it would have been nice to hold hands, but in general, it moved beyond that. On the way to the airport on Thursday, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying, managing not to cry until I was on the plane. While I had wanted to bail at different points in the trip, I was truly sad to go home. Leaving was hard, and it’s up to me to figure out why. Why did I feel a little incomplete that first day back? Why am I not angry at some of the things he said or the way the situation turned out? Why does a small part of me still want to make out with him?

*His story, not mine.
**His story, not mine.
***Both of whom happen to be in the charity auction.
****I did want to want him. I just didn’t want to want him if he didn’t want me.
*****The misunderstanding wasn’t the cause of us sleeping at a truck stop, but I don’t want to write the sentence differently.
******So the wrong word, since it took me forever to get out, and I basically reverted back to my 12 year old self.

Renew Years

While I was traipsing across the country this past week, plans were being hatched to redo New Year's Eve with me present. So, feet firmly planted on the ground in Virginia, NotCharlotte, NotCarrie and a host of other characters whisked me off to the quaint town of Fredericksburg to a bar that feels like home. What transpired was truly another quintessential "Fred" night. We quickly picked up a couple of guys to add spice to the evening and hopefully provide the midnight kisses for our "renew" year's celebration. One was a friend of NotCarrie's, NotDreds, and the other we'll call NotShy. NotShy quickly ingratiated himself to the Nots by telling us how hott we were and offering to round up a bevy of boys for our choosing. Unfortunately, NotShy proceeded to hit up the sketchiest of patrons as we tried to shrink into the shadows. Several drinks later, NotShy still continued to entertain us by dancing, taking our pictures, etc. Things got hilarious when he hung a dollar out of his pants and told me it was my mission to find someone to get it. I'm such a bad friend because the first thing I did was gesture to NotCharlotte and tell him I'd try the blonde. Turns out NotCarrie isn't that great of friend either because we both hazed NotCharlotte until she used her pearly whites to grab that dollar. Yes, I did catch it all on film. NotShy must have suffered from some kind of Cinderella syndrome though because he completely disappeared a few minutes before the witching hour. Seriously, he vanished. Was he a figment of our hyped up imaginations? Perhaps he was just bummed he lost his last dollar to NotCharlotte.

Want to find someone new to celebrate your own Renew Year's with? Want to help out a worthy cause? Bid on one of our eligible bachelors in the first Not Girls Charity Auction. Browse the goods here*, and come back January 11-13 to put your money where your mouth is.


*Like the site? It's all the handy work of Dan. Web designers turn you on? He's up on the auction block on come January 11!

Secret Sharer

I've been hooking up with NotGraceful for the past 2 months. Since our fateful night at the Halloween party, we've discovered more of each other than sequins on David Bowie's pants. These are all alcohol-induced hookups, which makes me realize that perhaps there's nothing to them. Of course, me being a girl, I've been tending to think otherwise.

How is someone to know the status of a hookup? Are there rules? Am I, for example, expected to "forget" each night and treat each new one as just that? It's very hard to do that when both parties remember what the other one likes.

I wish I could go into more detail, but I'm not, for fear that he reads this. If that's the case, then so be it. Let's figure this out, either way, so I can stop overanalyzing it.

Readers, I need advice.

Creating Opportunities For Love

A friend of mine has a 2007 goal to fall in love. My first thought was You can't make someone fall in love with you, but then I thought Why not? It's not about taking over someone's mind and forcing them to have feelings for you, it's about making things happen, which TA-DA, is one of my things to remember to do this year.

For example, how likely is it to fall in love while sitting at home watching Netflix movies? Hmmmm, not very likely, eh? How likely is it to fall in love while being antisocial at a party? A little more likely only because other people are involved, but how many guys want to talk to the girl in the corner?

I think the 2007 Fall In Love goal is completely feasible if looked at from the mindset of creating the opportunites to fall in love and for others to fall in love with me. I think it's about being out there and being myself and being absolutely fabulous. Who wouldn't want to fall in love with me? I just need to give them the opportunity!

I love 2007 already!

Hello, Two Double Oh Seven

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, but since this is my alter-ego of sorts, I'm going to make some. New Years Eve was a lot of fun and since I know you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to know what happened I'll tell you. I didn't have a kiss as hott as some recent years, but I'm not complaining about the cheek kisses I did give and receive. I also had a lot of fun and woke up the next day feeling okay both physically and emotionally as I knew I had not done anything to be embarassed by. And isn't that just as good as kissing some strange person? I mean, even better. Ha!

Onto the things I would like to keep in mind in Two Double Oh Seven:

1. Not that I get a lot of date invitations, but I want to be more open to the idea of new people.I think I am definitely the type to build a relationship from a friendship, which is something I should probably expand upon. There are gazillions of people out there and I need to not be afraid of encountering them in a romantic setting.

2. I don't want to let other people's negative moods to affect me. Sometimes it's like a club to join or something, but it's more important for me to remain positive. I'm an optimist, I really am. No negativity!

3. Floss more.

4. I won't wait to see what happens. I will try my best to make things happen.

5. I will not come home from my cousin's wedding without finding a fiance of my own.


Okay, kidding on #5. I might add to this later, but this is my concise list for the moment. Things to keep in mind.

Cherry Stems

I just told NotCharlotte that I am going to stand around tomorrow night tying cherries stems into knots using only my tongue so the guys in the room know I mean midnight business. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a prude bitch who isn't into the New Years lip-locking festivities because I so am.

I most certainly do not believe in the silly belief that the midnight kiss determines one's luck in love for the next year, but I do believe in the awkwardness that can be created when it seems like everyone else has paired up. I hate that. And really, it's never happened that everyone around me has paired up and I'm left standing there in what I wish would turn into quick sand to swallow me up. Although, if I'm looking on the bright side of things, which I am, I could say that there are two things in this world that I love: champagne and kissing and if I can't be guaranteed the one, I'm going to go all out with the other. Bubbly for me...yes, have some.


Have a super fantastic New Years!!!!

Muddying the waters

I don't even really know where to begin. I could begin at the beginning, but that could take awhile and time is not on my side. Soon, my pretties. Right now...a preview. I'm traveling across the southwest with a man my mother is afraid I'm boning. She has little to worry about because clarity has finally been achieved in what was once muddy waters. There will be no boning on this trip. No kissing, no spooning, no cuddling. I was ok with this until I looked at his back last night in bed. Right then I just wanted someone's arms around me, telling me it would be ok.

Frankie Says Relax

If you are anything like me, you are anxiously awaiting the start of our auction, and I promise you, it's coming! Actually it's coming up pretty quickly so calm down on the after-Christmas sales so you'll have the dinero ready to bid on some of the awesome guys we have for you chicas out there. Right now the Nots are all still busy with family and friends and our many jobs. I have a feeling that New Years Eve will inspire a post from all of us and after that it will be time for the auction so, keep checking back in and we'll get the details out asap.

In the meantine, what are your NYE plans? I'm still unsure of mine and right now I'm on the fence with going out and not drinking at all so I can get home or planning to spend the night out. If there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, it's that I'm not drinking a drop if I plan on getting in a car to drive. The cops are going to be out in full force that night and with other crazies on the road, it will be essential to be uber-alert. Now, with that in mind, I'm still sure to have a grand evening with friends so no worries there. What are you guys going to be up to?

Poppin Fresh

Recently, I have acquired a new job at a bakery. I absolutely love it because it not only gives me baking experience for when I own my own bakery one day, but this new place of employment has a plethora of hot men.
I have decided to find me a bakery boyfriend. I have a few in mind already and have already started to make my move. The bakery manager is a 26 year old tall drink of hottness and every chance I get, I make witty comments and flash a patented "notcharlotte smile" his way. Sadly, I have to go by facial features only, as our pure white uniforms do nothing for the female figure. During the times I realize that boning/flirting with managers is a big no-no, I mosey on over to the bread section, where the biggest concentration of highly attractive males lies. I work at 5am and there's nothing like sleepily stumbling over to the men kneading the big balls of dough and asking them to get something for me that's "just too high for me to get."
I think I've started roping a couple in. Just the other day, I was invited into an interesting conversation about music and its' relationship to emotions as I was making my way to the freezer.
Just call me the bakery whore. I just hope I can recognize who's who when I see them without their uniforms on...

Do any of you have work "boyfriends/girlfriends?" Doesn't it make work a slight bit more bearable?

Visions Of Sugarplums Were So Not Dancing In My Head

Last night, while everyone else was dreaming of sugarplums and Sandy Claws, I was having one helluva dream about the most unlikely person. Without reading into who this dream was about (don't even ask), I must comment on how perfect it was plot-wise. I had a level of comfort in the dream that is something I think most of us are looking for. Even though I am now getting some of the details blurred, I remember he and I going on a short trip and taking opportunities when they arose to steal kisses. It was so sweet. I woke up feeling a little bad about having such a dream on Christmas Eve, when I should have been dreaming about what I would find in my stocking and under the tree, or really, I guess, about peace on Earth and good will to men, right? Ha!

And I know I'm being a bit secretive about who I was dreaming about, but it left me seriously perplexed when I woke up. 1) While I used to have a crush on this person, I no longer do, nor have I in awhile. 2) He's not the type to be in a situation that involves "sweet kisses."

I left the dream dictionary alone on this one and instead went about my day having a very merry Christmas and spending time with the family. I hope you had a good one, too.

This Charming Man

I went out the other night to meet up with my college friend, NotCharming, and some other people I know through him. I always look forward to nights out with him because he really does live up to his name as he is one of the most charming people I know. He's the type of guy who will know everyone in the room, but you still feel like you're his #1 there.

We have an interesting history. It's gone from barely knowing each other, to me having a weird, big crush on him (during college), to use flirting incessantly, to him asking me to bone, to us becoming good friends. He lives out of the state now, so I don't get as much of his charming personality as I would like, but I always make sure to meet up when he is home for holidays.

The other night was weird, though, at karoake. His ex-girlfriend was there and I got the feeling he's still into her. She was cute and all, but she was one of those Professional Karoake-ers-you know who I mean. The ones who sing with vibrato, do dance moves, and always choose the songs that will best showcase their 'voices', ha! The one time I did karoake, I sang Bootylicious in a redneck bar in the southside of Richmond. It was God-awful and as soon as the song was done, I set down the microphone and left the bar.

I, surprisingly, have never kissed NotCharming. In the almost seven years I have known him, I can't believe this fact. There's just something in the stars that always puts some weird clause on us when we're hanging out even though the flirting has gotten pretty crazy at times. I'm not saying I want to or expect to ever have something with him, it's just weird nothing has ever happened. He's a good friend, though, and I am glad for that.

The nitty gritty

Alright, boys and girls. I know you've been waiting with bated breath to find out a few more details about our upcoming charity auction. I've included some of the basics below, and as we build out the auction site*, we'll continue to feed you more information and do our best to keep you jazzed. Also, if any of you boys out there still want to volunteer for the auction, it's not to late. Just like Uncle Sam, we need YOU!

What: The Not Girls Charity Auction

Charity: V-Day

When: January 11-13, 2007

Items up for bid: 19 men (12 DC-metro area, 1 LA, 1 SF, 1 Atl, 1 Chicago, 1 UK, 1 NYC, 1 AR)

Ladies, it's quite a nice selection we've amassed, so start saving now!


*Special shout out to one of our guys being auctioned who is building it for us! Yay!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

There have only been a few times that I have been the subject of some salacious gossip. The time the rumor went around that I was found in the downstairs part of a bar with another girl's boyfriend who had his pants down*, the time everyone was talking about what I was or was not doing with NotRoger after parties at his brother's place, and the time my guy friends wouldn't believe that I had not had sex with their friend after giving him a ride home.

It's weird, though, because never have I been in a social circle that gossiped so damn much as the one I am a part of now. I, admittedly and thankfully, provide very little of the info that gets passed around, but I sometimes wonder if it's a sign I'm turning into an old fogie or am just a boring prude. It would be hypocritical of me to say I would never hook up with someone at one of these parties I seem to never be able to go to, but I cringe sometimes when I hear the stories of the night before. It makes me glad to have spend the same night sober and with no one's tongue but my own in my mouth. Is it a phase I outgrew? Is it a sign I'm just looking for more than random kisses? I'm not sure, but until I figure it all out, I'm going to continue staying OFF the gossip radar. What I do is no one's business but my own...and you guys, of course.



*We only madeout and I had NO idea he had a girlfriend I swear to Allah. All pants remained ON the entire time.

Neologism at its best

A lot of good shit has been going down in my "no sex"life, but since I'm still not sure which end is up, I will defer to a topic that I have been enlightened of while hanging out with my college friends.

Through one of my closer college buddies, NotHarley, I have gotten to know NotKidA. She's a cute 21 year old with short, short hair and a confidence problem. She and her boyfriend of several years recently broke up and she's been after another of our mutual friends, NotBYU. He's a sweetheart and completely clueless about her wanting him.

Last week, we all went to a pub and as I watched the two of them interact, I got the feeling that he just wasn't that into her. Sure, they sat together and she teased him the entire night, he bought her beer, but his attention wasn't fully being paid to her. As my friend said, "He doesn't like her as much as she deserves.

So our evening ends and everyone leaves, except for the two of them. I don't think much of it, but when I talk to NotHarley later, she tells me the two of them (NotKidA and NotBYU) boned.
This sort of shocks me, mostly because I don't know either of them that well and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
NotHarley then goes on to tell me that NotKidA is probably on another one of her Trampages (pronounced like rampage, but with a t in front of it). I look at her quizically and NotHarley tells me that NotKidA, in her freshman year at NotHarvard, slept with pretty much every guy she came across. In other words, a Trampage. I became completely enamoured of this new word and wondered if she was the only one who had come across it. Then at breakfast one morning, I heard another one of my close college friends, NotShortie, use it as well. "So you two didn't bone, even after hanging out for 6 hours and him cooking dinner for you?" "Oh no way, that was before my Trampage."

I have not been on a Trampage yet... but I feel, especially with recent events, that I could be bordering on one. Have any of you been on a Trampage before? I guess for men it would be called a... Manage? hahaha.

What Makes It A Date?

Have you ever gone out with someone of the opposite sex* and not been sure if it was a date or not? Now, this hasn’t happened to me recently (as far as I know), but recent events got me thinking about it. My friends and I tease all the time about an evening being a date if someone pays for the other or if the male and female sit on the same side of the table. Obviously, these are ludicrous qualifiers for what makes it a date, but what does make it a date?

It’s not exactly customary to request one’s company by saying, “Would you like to spend an evening with me? I have romantic intentions for you.” Sure, it would make for a less ambiguous time, but invitations just don’t go like that. At least, none that I have received. A male friend of mine recently was invited out by a woman and was unsure if the night out was one of old friends or one where a goodnight kiss was expected and hoped for. How was he to have known? Yeah, there are signs to be seen during the evening, like positive body language or eyefucking**, but it’s not always obvious when the question is posed.

I wrote once about going on a non-date with my guy friend and how, from the outside, it looked like we were on a real date. We both knew, though, that we were just hanging out. Another time, years ago, a guy friend of mine invited me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Looking back, I should have known better, but he told me that he had a coupon and needed to use it by its expiration date. Does this sound like a date invitation to you? The night really is material for a blog in itself, but the evening that I thought was just about friends taking advantage of using a coupon turned into him trying to stroke the back of my neck and convince me to come inside.

Whoa, awkward.

So how does a person know when it’s a date and when it’s just two people hanging out as friends? One thing I do know (get ready for shameless plug) is that all dates won in our CHARITY AUCTION (see button in the sidebar to the right), will be properly clarified before they happen.


*Or same sex, if you swing that way.
**I stole that from the lovely Barmaid.

C'mon boys...

I know these are boring posts, and you want details of nights of debauchery. However, this week we're going to be all about the NPR-style of telethoning.

What are we asking for? Ah, how short your memory is. We need single, male volunteers for our charity auction.

Who does it benefit? V-Day, the global organization fighting violence against women. I would also argue it benefits our male volunteers, allowing them to give of themselves, and our potential female bidders, allowing them to also give and buy a date!

Read the original post here, and email notmiranda@gmail.com to volunteer for the auction.

Stay tuned for more details!

Budget Bidding

While planning for this auction, I have noticed myself daydreaming about spending all of my money on bids and then traveling around the country going on dates with our male volunteers. I know I was there the day we learned about sharing in Kindergarten, but it’s going to be difficult to remember how to do it once the auction has begun and I am presented with so many attractive choices. I can’t give out many details just yet (they’re coming, though), but, like I said, it’s going to be difficult to hold back. Maybe I should make a budget before the bidding starts.


And guys? We’re still accepting volunteers…It’s for a great cause!

Sprung

Sitting down in front of my computer was a dangerous idea on a Saturday night. Rather than working on that proposal my boss was waiting on, I found myself catching up on blogs I love reading. Of course, if my evening had stopped there, then it wouldn't merit a post here. Instead, I dreamt of wireless signals for people far away. Sprung. Googling sprung, I discover I sometimes meet the definition.
Something else I discovered I'm sprung on tonight...Studio 60 on Sunset Strip. Forget that kiss (you know the one I mean). I'm talking about the "speech"...

"I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict and I know that's no woman's dream of a man or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand, but you'd better get a good head start because I'm coming for you, Jordan."

That is how you tell a woman you want her. Danny Trip** stole my heart tonight.

**Studio 60, folks. Keep up.

'Tis the Season

The holiday season is supposed to be one of giving, helping those less fortunate. Well, the girls here at NSATC have decided that we, too, would like to give this holiday season. It is in the spirit of Christmahanukwanzaakah that the Not girls ask for your help. How so? We are in the process of organizing a charity auction in which the items to be auctioned off are dates with all of those hott, single male readers (commenters and noncommenters alike). One thing we've gathered in blogging here is that there are a lot of single men and women out there just trying to figure out how to hook up*. What better way to spread love, introduce you all to new people and raise money for charity than to hold an auction?! Guys...this is where your help comes in. We need all you single, male readers out there to volunteer to be put up on the auction block. Think of all of the benefits of selling yourself like a piece of meat: (1) giving to a good cause; (2) the opportunity to meet a potentially cool girl; and (3) an ego boost when bids go high. All you need to do is send me an email at notmiranda@gmail.com and provide the following information:

*indicate your willingness to participate
*city/state where you are located
*name
*blog (if applicable)
*photo

You have until December 15th to volunteer! And, ladies, don't think we've forgotten about you. We will post details soon about how the auction will work and how you can get a look at the eligible dates. Just know that we're working hard to bring you the best and have a few surprises up our sleeve. We've currently got our fingers crossed that a certain, hot celebrity blogger will participate ; )


*i.e., meet someone...not "hook up".

Vicky's Secret

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on with none other than the HOTT Justin Timberlake. I would be watching anyway, even if Mr. JT wasn't on because lingerie is fashion, too, and it's fun to see what they come up with for these shows. It's basically knickers and bras for an hour, but you can't help but be amazed at the designs. And it's not about hott women being half nekkid (unless you're male?), it's about creativity and, like I said, fashion, and just seeing gorgeous designs. Maybe I'm alone in enjoying the fashion show in a non-sexual way...or really, I guess we could call it research, eh? Maybe one day I'll have a mate who has a weird Alice In Wonderland fetish and I'll say, "OH! Victoria's Secret has just the thing!"

The Lube

I don't know what it is, and maybe it's the uniforms and grease, but some of the guys who work at Jiffy Lube are so hott. I went on Friday and thought I had found the mecca of hott Jiffy Lube guys. One was so cute he made me a little nervous to talk to. "Have you rotated your tires?"

Did he just ask to rotate my "tires"?


Instead, I said, "Tires? Ummm, Huh? I...I don't know. I should know."

But after I explained that I wanted just the basics because I'm poor (and charming and single), he followed me back into the office to talk. And talk we did for about ten minutes while the other guys worked on my car. I'm not going to analyze the conversation because it was so short, but I definitely will be headed back to that same Jiffy Lube in 3,000 miles.