Turn your cab light on

I saw a book at the bookstore today about how we can't expect to get a man unless we have our "cab lights on". It's all about sending the right signal. Maybe this is one place I'm running into trouble with NotGraceful. Whatever forcefield that surrounds him throws my signals completely out of whack. I find I become neurotic and seem to have lost the ability to function like a normal person. Does anyone have the antidote for crush-itis? Let's examine my symptoms.

When we last left off, I had failed miserably to invite NotGraceful into my lair. Utterly crushed by my own pitifulness, I did what any girl with a blog would do. I sat down and immediately emailed him, a few simple sentences sent by me asking him to come back and keep me company. Not a boy prone to email (should be warning flare #1), he didn't get the email until the next day. His response, however, was nearly perfect. No fear was expressed, only a desire that I should have asked him to come up while he was still there. My head hovered in the clouds even though he wasn't going to join us (a few Nots plus NotGay) out on Friday.

Saturday NotCarrie and NotJason met me for dinner, and as I was leaving my part-time job, I slipped NotGraceful a note with my phone number on it and the offer to hang out once he got off. Nothing. Again, I was left to wonder if I was reading him all wrong.

This past week was truly the pinnacle of my neuroses and the up/down of this faux relationship. A typical interaction for us is lots of staring and eyes and very little words. When left alone, the conversation flows. For once, the early part of this week seemed different. We talked around other people. We continued to have real conversation when they left, and I actually managed to keep my wits about me to not turn 3 different shades of red. He even arranged to take his break at the same time as mine one day (he works at where my part-time job is). These were the highs. Neurotic NotMiranda also took up residence in my head during part of the week as well. Sunday I decided I was going to "test him". He passed; I was ecstatic. However, when I suddenly lost my mind and came up with another lame scheme, I found myself walking home alone on a cold winter night. NotRachel kept me sane when I declared myself done and talked me into realizing part of this was my fault. She convinced me to be cool and give the boy a chance to make his move. Easier said than done. Being cool forced me back into shy mode. I didn't know how to act and proceeded to have a crappy week. When NotGraceful bailed on joining the gang this Saturday, I almost bailed on this whole crush thing entirely. The problem is that you can't just wash that man right out of your hair, no matter what the song says.

I came to the conclusion that, while I am so not a cool girl, I can convince myself to step back and keep my options open. I flirted my ass off on Saturday at work and had a hell of a time. I also managed to shine a little in front of NotGraceful today, too. If he wants this girl, he's going to have to come get me. At one point, I felt like we were almost there, but my obsessing took over. The obsessing is stopping while the flirting continues. I'm not giving up...he's still the one I want. I just need to give him a chance to realize he needs to give a little, too. My cab light's on. We'll see if he decides to hail me.

4-Wheel Drive

I agree with you, NotCharlotte, the thought of staying in with a guy on this snowy night sounds REALLY nice. However, seeing as how I have been stuck inside all day, I would much prefer a guy with 4-wheel drive right now to come rescue me from my stir craziness.

If you have a 4-wheel drive, speak up!

Other Side of the World

Snow makes me want to cuddle with someone.

Well, more than usual. I look outside and see the flakes falling down and all I can think about is having someone to spend in the house, snowed in and watching movies, not caring about going out or spending money on frivolous things.

It also doesn't help that lately I've been into the slower, more melodical type of girl singers. KT Tunstall and Feist have been singing the soundtrack to the days I spend in my car going from home to work to school then back to work. Which is pretty much every day.

Snow has also ruined my superfun plans for the weekend, but hopefully something good will still happen.

And the letter I sent...

I'm not going to do anything for your birthday.

On the 18th I've got two people who I want to help celebrate their birthdays so I'm going to divide my time doing that.

What you told me last night was cruel, but cruel in the way that I needed it.

(This involves a conversation between myself and NotSkippy where he tells me that after I've started putting together some birthday plans for him that involve ice skating and all of his friends for his birthday, that he wouldn't feel comfortable doing any of this without NotIttyBittyTitty there, to which I lit into him, about he has so far been unable to even decide if he wants to break up with her or not, and his excuse for not making this decision..."I've been sick")

It gave me the courage to finally realize what I want out of this friendship. I want someone I can watch anime with and chat with occassionally and go to Asian restaurants with. In short, a friend.

I don't want someone who's going to make me feel bad about not liking their girlfiriend. Or someone who's going to make me feel like the other woman, or feel bad about me. So I'm stepping back.

NotIttyBittyTitty is your girlfriend. I'm just a girl that is your friend. I have no claims on your time other than what you choose to spend in my presence. I won't make any more demands of you. We need some time apart. You need to figure out what you want, and you can't do that if I'm a crutch that keeps you from making that decision. So I'll bow out gracefully. You let me know when you're ready to be friends again, k?

This is what I sent and unlike the last time I went the email route with him, I don't feel any of the trepidation or the nervousness about whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Instead, I feel better, and if I feel better now, than I can only imagine how badly I felt before.

My Funny Valentine...

Okay, so Valentine's Day isn't here yet, but I figured that since Prince Charming or Master Charming or Well-Hung *rowr* Charming hasn't fallen out of the sky and next to my car, and given the previous weeks events, that I deserved some sort of Valentine's treat. So, I declare myself, my Valentine. I shall be taking myself out for a romantic dinner and then I will be showing myself what a real woman likes about this day of flowers and love.

Besides, who says I need to be someone's Valentine in order to feel validated as a female. I would love to have that special someone by my side as I trip the light fantastic through my day, but alas not to be this year. So I'll spend my time with someone equally fascinating who will hang on my everyword and who will give me their undivided attention for the entirety of Valentine's Day...myself.

Just the three of us???

NotSkippy commented to me last night as we watched a movie that his friends
thought he had the ideal setup. He was dating me (someone that he likes, has a lot in common with, etc.), but he's screwing NotIttyBittyTitty.

*raised eyebrow*

So while I play the part of the pseudo-girlfriend, complete with fun dinners out and copious amounts of his time, the supposed real girlfriend is the "other" woman...good for getting nekkid with and possibly bumping uglies...

*both eyebrows raised now*

Now its not that I'm against hanging out with him or that I don't understand the inner
workings of the male mind, this one in particular, but seriously, what is he thinking. And the really sad part of the whole thing is...it doesn't seem like he even refuted this claim.

Recently, I told NotSkippy that while I don't mind the random comment about NotIttyBittyTitty, I really don't care to hear about her at all, because 1) I don't like her and I think she's totally wrong for him, 2) I think she has some major body, mind and personality issues that she needs to address before getting involved with someone of the opposite sex and 3) she's marriage track girl and is three little words away from pressing NotSkippy
on the whole ring, dress and picket fence issue. To add to my dislike of her in general I have the additional fuel of his parents not thinking she is 'the one' for him either.

With this, I find I need to take another step away from this situation all together and limit my contact with him to movies on the weekend and the occasional dinner out, because anymore and I'll wind up in the pining from afar boat again.

His Point Of View

Larissa's latest "Insider Thought" over on her blog has totally got me thinking...I wonder what my guy friends would say about me and my interactions with the opposite sex. What kind of advice would they give me and what analysis would they have of my previous relationships...or not-so-much-relationships.

NotStanford tells me all the time that I need to just go out and have sex while pining away for my crushes. He is also a fan of just telling people when you want them. I would like his comments on my flirting style and if I come off as just a tease or if people find my intentions genuine.

NotJason would be a VERY interesting participant if he would be honest and open about it. I have a feeling he would never ever give me advice on my interactions with him and other guys. His point of view might be the one I am most interested in, though.

NotTownie would be another interesting one as he knows I want his sass but I can also confide in him about real things. His experience with the opposite sex would probably provide some great insight.

I don't know, it just makes me wonder how I actually do come off to guys. I really want a male perspective now.

Autobiography Page 321

When I was in 6th grade, or so, I was at the skating rink (shut up) on a Friday night when my older brother's friend said, "NotCarrie, Will you go with me?" He was at least 5 years older and I was thoroughly confused and said, "Go where?"

"GO with me," he said.

"GO where?" I responded.

Then I realized what he meant and I was so embarassed I ran (skated) away and ignored them both for the rest of the night.

Mise-en-Scene

It seems as if I haven't posted in such a long time.

It's half because I've been busier than Hades with school, work, and Friday fun. Plus, I just haven't really had much to post about.

NotGay is back on the "good list," especially as of late. He's been bumped up to "permanent friend" status. NotMiranda kept teasing me on Friday, we all (the 3 of us and NotCarrie) went on a road trip to see some indie bands, and he was fairly friendly towards me. She kept making comments about us making out. Thing is, I would, but I can honestly say that it would be a purely physical thing. It's weird, but it's like I don't feel that kind of attraction towards him. If that makes sense. I mean that as in relationship attraction.

He did pick me up and spin me around though, which took me by surprise. I don't know why I feel the need to include that fact, but I just found it interesting.

Anyway, just letting you know I'm alive and that I'm still (unfortunately) single.

I have another blog topic (about NotHusband) that I shall elaborate on another time, it's going to be a long one.

Friend Crush Update

I got in some quality time with one of my friend crushes yesterday. I need to super glue him into that category because I'm worried it's going to go from Friend Crush to Real Crush and that would be bad. He has a girlfriend and from what I learned yesterday, a fairly serious one. He's such a nice guy though and I really want him to be a real friend. Not just an acquaintance I see from time to time. I like people who can talk about music and movies and he's also funny.

We've invited him out a few times but it never works. I'm crossing my fingers for soon.

Redemption

...is sweet.

I'm a loser

I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to ask him up. I'm too fucking shy for my own good.

I am willing to commit...or is it that I should be committed...

I've been rethinking this whole relationship thing. That and the kid thing. Note that I can't even consider either without objectifying them. But I digress.

The need to be with someone, or be in a committed relationship is a double edged sword. While I don't necessarily want to be alone, I also don't really want to navigate and emotional mindfield that may be worse than my own. I mean seriously, the catchphrase nowadays is "I have issues". We all have issues and when you add to that the want to be with someone else you get even more of these 'issues'.

Then, I've been noticing a steady trend and maybe its part of living in the Metro DC area, but there seem to be two groups of the singles crowds between the ages of 25 - 35, those who are itching, tingling, harping to get married and those who are going with the flow. For the former, its the biological-clock-is-ticking-(for men as well as women)-need-to-have-the-house-the-car-the-right-everything-right-now syndrome, and for the latter it seems to be more of a I'll do the dating thing and if I meet up with that person then I will and if I don't well...

And while neither is exactly healthy, they both have their respective places in my world. They balance each other if you will. And I love a well balanced group.

Or maybe I just need to be committed...or sedated. Not sure which.

Giddy school girls have nothing on me

I'm a ball of anticipation covered in a shy school girl's kilt. I've been hesitant to blog about NotGraceful because I hate to be a bore but can hold it in no longer. Considering we're talking about two shy people, things have been going really well. The only real hiccup came when I realized how similar he looks to NotSteve (the ex I haven't really blogged about). This realization had me pouring through old pictures hoping to invalidate this theory. Even though I came up with photos that bear a striking resemblance to NotGraceful, I'm convinced this crush has nothing to do with those similarities.

Speaking of this crush...can it get anymore ridiculously painful? I want this boy so badly I spend my days feeling nauseous and my nights battling my dreams. Ducked heads and stolen glances have progressed to real conversation and full-on eye googling (as my friend NotRachel calls it). Whenever we're alone I'm left with the distinct impression that there's something he wants to say to me. It's like it is this visceral thing hanging in the air between us. Poor boy...Saturday I got trashed at NotCharlotte's birthday and wound up ending the night curled up in a chair, asleep on his shoulder. NotRachel cracked me up by saying how she liked that he jumped to fulfill my every request that night. Ha!

At the moment, I'm all a flutter because tomorrow night I'm all set to ask him if he wants to come upstairs when he drops me off. I feel like I should leave it at this for the moment, but hopefully I'll be able to mix a little bit of snogging into my next post ; )

Just Say No

One of the women I work closely with at work just asked me if I'm dating anyone. No, she wasn't asking because she's interested, I think she was just being nosy because she doesn't know me very well. But my answer?

"NO"


and then:


"Well, not really"


Wait! What?


She apparently doesn't pick up on verbal/body cues for *Don't ask me to clarify* because she did indeed look utterly confused and so I had to try to explain. But there's nothing to explain so I was pretty much just making things up and trying to make it sound complicated so she would stop asking.

"Um, it's complicated. Ambiguous."

She was still looking confused. (Isn't 'ambiguous' code for 'I don't know either'?)

"We're friends."

Still confused apparently so I just really went on with my fictional story:

"We hang out a lot but we're not dating."

Then she said, "Well, if you hang out and you love each other then what's the problem?"

I just nodded my head, it was easier than trying to go back on my story. I'm not sure how she went from "friends" to "love each other" especially since the whole story was something I made up. I should have just left it with "No, I'm not dating anyone" but she's the type who you just can't say "no" to. (I'm glad she wasn't inquiring because she was interested;)

DTR

I was talking with a few people yesterday about relationships and how they begin and how you know when they've actually started. The girl in the conversation said, "I've learned now to never ask a guy if we're exclusive, committment just scares him away!" and the guy in the conversation, who has a serious girlfriend, agreed and said the best way is to one day introduce her as "my girlfriend."


ARE THEY SERIOUS?!?!?!?!


I was flabbergasted. Okay, I can see not asking someone in the throws of passion if he's going to be your new boyfriend but really-I think that goes both ways. NotRoger totally freaked me out with all of his talk about "being so glad to find me" and stuff. Now granted, he was certainly not Mr. Right and I know that with someone I do want a relationship with I won't be put off by the subject. But to make a blanket statement that all guys will be freaked out by committment talk is just ludicrous in my opinion.

And what about his way of just one day saying she is his girlfriend? Isn't that the fastest way to Ambiguityville? Ambiguityville is like Chernobyl in my mind. I want to avoid it and NOT take direct flights there...I'm not alone, right? I pressed on with him and asked how he really knew she wanted to be in a relationship with him. He said that they had been friends for a year beforehand and were spending more and more time with each other. He just "knew" or something. I barely held back my laughter and only because it was towards myself and would create the situation of me having to contribute to the conversation. It's like he was saying hanging out one-on-one helped him "know" they were destined to be in a relationship. Based on that, I've had more relationships than I thought! In fact, I'm in one right now!

Haha! I guess I'm glad it's that easy for some people (*grrrr*)

Not Going Down that Path Again...

I spent this morning kvetching with NotMiranda and NotCharlotte over getting over NotSkippy and moving on. And what I had already decided and found the courage to voice today was that I can't be a part of someone else's hangups. Especially, the one that NotSkippy has. Not being able to talk to your family about the woman you're dating for any reason just proves to me two things, 1) that you're not adult enough to be in an adult relationship and 2) you aren't capable of forming ideas and opinions on your own. While I'm a true believer in letting your childhood mold and shape you I also believe that you must come to a point where you have to think on your own and decide exactly how you want to live your life and later for whatever you've been told and how you're supposed to see things.

How we were raised should have some effect on how we operate in our daily lives, but we should also be enough of our own person to decide what we keep and what we throw away in terms of lessons learned in childhood.

As for NotSkippy, I don't have time to venture down that path with him again. I've moved on to more exciting times and I have no plans to go back to the way things could be. I'm a stronger, happier NotSamantha and I plan to stay that way.

"This party is great but where is my boyfriend?"

My junior year of college was a really good year full of parties and concerts. It was the beginning of adding in some really great friends, many of whom were hott guys. (Seriously, the number of hott guy friends I had was almost unfair.) One party in the winter of that year I was in classic NotCarrie form. I probably did a kegstand or two, played beer pong and challenged anyone to a chugging contest. (I wasn't a boozehound but I could hold my beer/liquor!) Anyway, so at this party, needless to say, I was a little drunk. And being drunk, I had some difficulties keeping things to myself. Actually, I was pretty proud of myself after the fact for being cryptic even in my drunken stupor-I revealed no names and had no reasons to be (too) embarassed the next day.

Anyway, so on with the story. I spent the evening doing what I do best---flirting. Apparently, though, I got pissed when a friend of mine disappeared with one of my hott friends and some of the others weren't being receptive to my advances. This is when I found the dry erase board on the host's fridge door and wrote:

"This party is great but where is my boyfriend?"

At the time I thought nothing of it and assumed noone would know I wrote it but boy fwas I wrong. Apparently it was the funniest thing to have happened at the party that night. The host told me they left the note up for weeks to remember how funny I was when I declared that. They told me I kept going around asking people where "he" was...and no, there was no "he" to be found! Maybe you had to be there but I rememberd this night the other day and it made me laugh to remember.

I Have Needs And They Are Innocent

I get antsy when I don't have a crush. Not having someone to lust after, or to coincide my life with, or to imagine my happy future with makes me feel bored. I need a crush like I need The O.C. I can live without it but life is so much better with it!

But my problem right now, like so many other people, is finding someone. I was excited for this new thing I just started that has put me among a whole new group of people and I was hoping to meet some eligible bastards (ok, that was a typo but too funny to fix. I meant to say "bachelors".) But so far the guys I have encountered are either married, engaged, annoying, or physically unappealing. Oh, or old and I don't do old. I'm not being completely negative about the situation because some of these already attached guys seem pretty cool so I will definitely try to be friendly with them. Maybe they have friends who will be interested in a hott, 20-something, intelligent female who likes to blog.

Check-In

I feel the need to check in since I've been a little MIA this past week. There is stuff I WANT to talk about but today is one of those days where I'm on the verge of screaming. Stuff is due for work but I need to finish stuff for something else and I'm so tired and now I'm hungry but can't take lunch because of deadlines. And in the back of my mind is the whirlwind of non-work related things that keeps trying to edge its way to the forefront of my mind. I can't think about it all just yet, though. I apologize for being a bad blogger this week.

Trampled Under Foot

It's hard to be creative when you're being forced to.
This semester is going to kill me, creatively, I can already tell. It's my own damn fault for taking so many writing courses. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
Yesterday was the longest day, ever. I was up at 530, drove to my job (45 minutes away) until 12, then drove 30 minutes to campus for 3 hours of classes, then drove another 45 minutes to my OTHER job to work from 5 until midnight. Luckily, there were cute boys at my second job to keep my spirits up.
Isn't that crazy, how just seeing a cute face can make you want to hang out JUST a little bit longer?
I then started thinking about attractiveness levels and what makes me like certain boys. I then realized that I'm honestly a "first impression" type of girl. If guys aren't physically attractive to me, I won't want to "be with them."
That sounds shallow, but honestly it's the truth. Oddly enough, I seem to be attracted to men that are not only attractive to me, but have personality and sense of humor. It's just a matter of seeing if they're attracted to me as well.
I seem to attract the type of guys who aren't very intellectual, which is a problem for me, considering a. I love to talk about things that aren't boring and b. i consider myself very culturally aware.
How do I attract men... I guess that are like me? *sigh*
Also, for some reason I'm incredibly attracted to "shy guys." Much like NotMiranda though, I turn into a shy girl when I'm around guys like that and (obviously) nothing much happens because we're each too afraid to make the first move. I have one thing to say about this though:
IT'S THE GUYS JOB TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

That is all.

The shy show

My flirtation with NotGraceful has been fun; however, since the big reveal it seems I've moved from the confident to the shy flirt. Now that I've been exposed he seems to have taken the lead, slowly engaging me. I seem to barely be able to keep a meal down and simply blush and bat my brown and green-flecked eyes at him. What happens when two intensely shy people collide? Stay tuned. I will leave you with the thought that this shy girl is ready to meet a man who isn't afraid to pull her in a dark corner and remind her why God invented lips.

Sweet crushin'

I discovered this weekend that my having a little crush is like Popeye having a little spinach. It's empowering! Add a little crush and my boldness is off the charts. This weekend I snagged email addresses I've been wanting for quite some time from a couple of sigh-worthy guys and had such an intense session of eye sex with this one fellow that I felt like I needed a cigarette afterward. I'm kind of liking this new boldness about me.

Exposing secrets.

My time as the secret admirer to NotGraceful seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. That's right silly readers...in the past two days I have fully revealed my identity to this man who has made me smitten. After a couple more emails batted back and forth, I discovered I had been eliminated as a suspect in my own game because of my craftiness in sending an email while he knew I was at a place where I generally couldn't email. This couldn't be. Three delicately crafted sentences were sent and my identity was all but revealed. With my heart hammering a Sousa march in my chest and butterflies doing a number on my stomach, I picked up the phone to call him yesterday just to seal the deal. As I listened to the lightness in his voice I began to relax. He was happy. He thought I was awesome. I slept so well last night.

Package Check...or Is that a *insert fruit here* in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I have to admit it...I'm a package nut. I do it all the time, its the same as guys checking out women as they walk behind/walk by/see them across the room. I check out a guy's package. Why? Don't know, its kindof like love at first glimpse. Or the potential for love or maybe its just good ole fashioned lust of the unknown kind.

I refrain from doing this with people I get to know well, but always when I first meet them.

Now here come the cries of size does not matter, and while I believe it doesn't (motion of the ocean and all that), I do believe that a respectably filled out pair of pants go a long way into me giving a guy more than a cursory going over. For the guys who dare tread into this female mind, think of it as looking a the boobs. They're in your line of vision (if you squint a little and tilt your neck just a little) and they either make you look closer or they put you off and you move on to the next set.

And while I am old enough to know that sexual prowess comes with more than a cucumber or adequate length and girth...I wear a corset, I have a cock ring...and I know exactly how to use them both...

History Of Cupid

I’ve never really had a Valentine. But also, I’ve never really minded as I usually find the day to be so forced and cheesy. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t yearn for romance and love and affection, I definitely do (about 23 hours of the day). Even this year I will be okay if I don’t have a “Valentine”, but won’t deny a little part of me wishes for a secret admirer or for some advancement with someone else.

When I younger I gave out Valentines but was too shy to ever give one of the more suggestive cards to a boy I liked. The “suggestive” cards being those that had hearts on them or didn’t explicitly say FRIENDS. Ha!

In high school I would get so annoyed at my friends for being into the day that I refused to care. I just found it ridiculous for a 16 year old to be going to a fancy restaurant to celebrate V Day.

My last two years of college were spent with friends on the “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” night out. We weren’t lonely but I’m a big Beatles fan so the name came easily and stuck. We went out on the town, looking hott of course, and reminded anyone who WAS lonely that Valentine’s Day is a crock of crap if you want it to be!

Last year was actually my first taste of a real Valentine’s Day but ended up being very unorthodox. First, I had NotRoger asking to be my Valentine and me being a bitch and avoiding the subject. See, this was the beginning of the end with him since I decided I had eyes for someone else. I ended up going out that night on a sort of double date with NotCharlotte and our two ‘winners’ in the First Annual Be My Valentine Contest. It was a good night but after the fact turned out to be more complicated than we had ever imagined. More on that another time...

Now, go apply for this years!

Be My Valentine--The Application!

Rather than sit around on our fannies this Valentine's Day pining away for our latest crushes, the girls over here at No Sex & the City have decided to take matters into our own hands. Click on the heart off to the side to download the latest application to join us in celebration of the holiday of togetherness. Before you ask, the application will not get you laid, but it will get four lucky bastards dinner with the Not girls sometime around the V-day holiday. Download the application and email (check our profiles) your answers to one of the Nots by February 5th. Email any Not...all applications will be tossed in the general pool.

Book Me Danno!

I'd like to believe that if my life could be described as some sort of book genre it would be some sort of action novel or at least a hard core erotic novel ( just not one of those with the bright and shiny covers - shudder), where I'm the somewhat quirky heroine who is searching for love in all the wrong places, but will inevitably stumble upon it in time.

What about you ladies? Are you a biography, a current affairs story, fiction, etc? Where does your life fit in the grand scheme of a book? What about our readers...come one show some spine *snort* get it, book....spine...

*bows to cricket filled audience*

Hanging On The Telephone

I made two calls on my short ride home from work yesterday: one to NotJason and one to NotRoger.

I called NotJason for a few reasons but mostly because I'm sick of only corresponding via email and so if we can't hang out as much, then I at least want some human aspect to the communication. I also figured he needed to have me fresh in his mind!

So after speaking with NotJason for a few moments I decided I needed to be a little reckless and spur of the moment! So I decided to call NotRoger. But the funny part is that I couldn't be spontaneous at all! My new cell phone still doesn't have all of my contacts in it so I had to look in my old cell phone. It literally took five minutes to get his number because the stupid thing kept freezing up. So much for my spontaneity! I took it as a sign not to call him so I used my sneaky Verizon ways and just left him a voice mail therefore bypassing any awkwardness.

I'm not sure if I want him to call back. Ok, that's a lie. I really really really want him to call back and I want him to invite me over. I doubt that will happen since I was a bitch to him before but it's ok because if he did invite me over then I would then enter, "Do I?" mode.

Put Into Words

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in quite awhile. I was on the verge of tears the entire day and almost asked to leave work early because everything was adding to my stress and causing me to want to scream. I know WHY I was in such a horrible mood but it's still stuff I can't even put into words. Not because it's difficult or painful, but because I honestly can not string together the correct verbs and nouns to explain how I was feeling and what sparked my mood. But as I accepted the fact that I couldn't clarify to myself what was going on, it upset me even more that as a result I would not be able to fix the problem. How do you say to someone that you are upset when it can't be that simple and 500 footnotes are needed to explain and clarify. "I miss you" on it's own is both too little and too much. "Why?" can either open a can of worms or elicit a disappointing and anticlimactic response.

In more lighthearted news, the situation with NotGraceful on Friday was so amusing I think I laughed more than I had in awhile. Having all clues point to me was a fun game for the evening but one I had to play with caution. I wouldn't want to come away from the situation with an air of deceitfulness as someone who plays around with matters of the heart. But I think I did a good job and merely filled a role yet kept the flirting to a minimum as to not act interested where I am not. However, I am now living vicariously through NotMiranda and can't wait for the exciting moment!

The winding road to smitten

I've officially begun to fall for the Secret Admiree (henceforth to be called NotGraceful). Over the past week he has reminded me of all the little things I miss about having a crush, and unfortunately, the weekend sealed the deal. Friday night NotCarrie, NotCharlotte and I attempted to gather all of our Not favorites and spend a night on the town in Dupont. NotCarrie, being the good friend that she is, made sure NotGraceful got a personal invite. As we were waiting to leave, guess who shows up...NotGraceful! As I was melting into my chair trying to figure out how we were all going to survive a night of me pretending not to know so much about him, NotCarrie bolts in a fit of giggles. You see, we had determined that, if putting two and two together, NotGraceful was likely to think that NotCarrie was deliverer of the Secret Admirer note. This theory didn't appear that off base as the evening got to a start. NotGraceful was definitely showering a bit of attention on NotCarrie, liked they'd been secretly emailing. It didn't help that we started talking Alias in the car (NotGraceful is calling my Sydney in our emails), made sure Billy Corgan was on the cd player (one of his old faves was Smashing Pumpkins and I mentioned they were my first concert), and I made sure NotCarrie pulled out her camera (told him I liked to carry around a camera). Luckily, I did a pretty good job of being untypically friendly, even a little flirty. As the drinks wore on and the flirting intensified, I like to think I confused him a bit. How much remains to be seen. Regardless of who he thinks he's emailing, the night was a success because I got to bond with him in person and not just online. As he leaned in to talk to me, I realized I missed the heat associated with a guy's lips that close to my ear and the solidness of his leg pressed against mine. I've missed the times when your eyes meet, and you're wondering if he's thinking of kissing you as much as you're thinking of kissing him. He sealed the deal when he got up to dance with me to Golddigger. Tom Cruise may have snagged Renee Zellwegger at hello, but NotGraceful had me the moment he slid out of the booth and began dancing with more than the typical white boy head bop.

Single Woman Seeks...

Intelligent, sane stranger to converse with about movies, anime and cooking. Must like oatmeal and generous hips. Must have a sense of humor and an espresso machine. Please reply in comment box.

Tonight I feel Sexless...

I know, I know hard to believe right...well its true. I don't know what it is, but the past few nights the last thing that's been on my mind is sex. Which is the polar opposite to NotCarrie's post about thinking about sex.

I was hoping to fulfill my goal of buying one new sex toy per month...and I can't even drum up the usual happy thoughts so that I can peruse the Good Vibes site and consider the glass or the silicone toys of fun.

*sigh*

Oh woe is me! My sex driveth have gone south.

Of course this could also have something to do with the dread I felt about coming back to my hometown...as well as the fact that as I type this I'm sitting in the bedroom I grew up in. The driest, sexless place on the planet.

Watch Out, City

Due to recent events, I'm in the mood to cause some trouble. Full flirt is on for the night. Dupont? Watch out.

Think About Sex

So they say that guys think about sex every few moments or something, right? But are there exceptions to this rule? Are there guys out there who are immune to the sex thoughts? And is the amount of sexual thinking correlated to the amount of sexual actions going on? Is it possible for a guy to "turn off" those thoughts?

A friend of mine from college always seemed like the the sort of, asexual type. He was definitely into girls and eventually definitely came out of his shell but for awhile it seemed like he was that atypical guy who just wasn't into girls. But all that time when I thought he wasn't interested, was he just keeping those thoughts about sex in the back of his mind?

I am currently asking a friend of mine, via IM, some of these questions. He said that he definitely thinks about sex a lot because there is so much in the world to remind him of it. But he doesn't think that all guys do. Then I asked him if ALL guys masturbate because I was under the impression (from Dr. Drew) that they sort of have to. He said, again, that he doesn't think so and laughed at me for citing Dr. Drew. Now he is trying to compare men and women but that's a whole other blog...


Any thoughts? And not about Loveline, thanks.

Come Together

So I was catching up on my blogs, since I've been sick (today's my last day at home though, thank goodness. I need friend time-stat!) and I saw a short, but sweet note from one of the girls I went to high school with, NotGlasses.
She was always the odd duck, she was That Girl who dressed up as Darth Vader for the new Star Wars movies, That Girl who moved to Alaska to become a TV Journalist. I love it, she's got the most amazing self confidence and sense of self. Except when it comes to men. Lately, she's been having a lot of trouble with men, they love her and leave her and as I read her entries, my heart goes out to her.
Until today. She has discovered that one of her friends from SIX YEARS AGO has held amorous feelings for her. They have recently started conversing and have decided to give it a go, long-distance style.
I think this is absolutely wonderful! How neat would it be to have someone from your past, from 6 years ago, resurface and declare their love for you?
Do any of you have past flames/friends/acquaintances that you still hold feelings for? I know I do. If given the chance, would you tell them your true feelings toward them?

The opposite of approachable

Status: Useless

Have you ever been able to flirt with the hottest guy in the room but barely able to make eye contact with the guy that makes your stomach flutter? I discovered over the past few days that I do indeed have the womanly skills to flirt with the everyday hunks in my life. However, I'm rendered useless when face to face with that special crush. Whatever it is that makes him special also turns me mute. In fact, often it can go beyond silence and venture into an odd kind of hazing. NotCarrie once posted about kicking boys she had a crush on as a young girl. I swear I still have to fight those inclinations. Stealing sly glances, ducking my head to hide that silly grin, delivering snappish, derisive comments. That's me in my puckish handbasket. Watch out boys. If I'm snarky to you, it just might mean I have a crush on you.

How Soon is Now?

I know I just posted, but deal with it! :-)

So I emailed NotGuitar earlier asking him to an event that the Nots are hosting this Friday.
I didn't want to be a bother, considering we had just gone out Friday evening and I'm not sure of this guys' rules when it comes to conversing after a date, so the email went like this:

Hey,
How's it going?
*details of friday night plans*
Talk to you later,
NotCharlotte.

He responded about an hour ago with a page and a half recounting of how awesome the last two days have been for him, complete with how it connected to stuff we had done together. For example, the place his band played at last night was known formerly as the place where we first hung out. He remembers these things! It's weird. Well, I guess not completely weird, seeing as how that was 3 weeks ago. But still.

This is a good sign, right?

And to the guys who read these ramblings, is there really a rule for how long to wait for conversing after a date?

She's Hearing Voices

But really, it's okay.

Since I've got the stomach flu, I've been given a lot of time to think about people from my past.
I was looking at one of my addiction sites today and came across an updated profile of one of my crushes from high school, NotSinger. Nothing ever came about this crush, in fact he's getting married to his high school sweetheart this year, who I am pretty good friends with.
Anyway, he and I had this mutual friend, NotMormon, who I used to date. We even went to junior prom together.
I was looking through some photographs that NotSinger posted and who do I happen to see but NotMormon.
Isn't it weird how seeing a picture can bring back memories? I remember how he asked me to prom and how I drove all the way from Germany to Italy to go with him. We had all of these inside jokes and he used them all to ask me and throughout the night he would make little comments that reminded me of our bond.
After high school, we lost touch. He went on his mission and I believe that since I was not mormon, he couldn't keep a relationship with me because I wouldn't convert. This all makes sense, but I still think about him sometimes. He exuded niceness and courtesy. He was, I believe, one of those "perfect men."

I need to find another one... and keep him this time.

As hot as it was

I love the thrill of the hunt. That said, I bit the bullet this past week and executed Mission Secret Admirer. A simple, yet somehow complicated drop of a simple pink heart in a chocolate brown envelope. The words, "Secret Admirer. Curious? Email xxxxx" scribbled carelessly and resting in the pocket of a barn jacket. Three days later a slightly charming email appears in my new anonymous email account. He requests to know his mystery woman so he can "sleep at night." I am charmed, yet choose to toy with his emotions and attempt to start an email relationship first. In truth it's part game, part self preservation. In the real world, I can't even bear to be civil to the object of my affection lest he suspect me. Hell, I never said I wasn't screwed up.

The Meaning Of Abstract

My blur of Friend Crush and Real Crush has me very confused. The division between the two has been reduced to the finest line imaginable and at this point I'm not sure which one is my goal or if I even have to choose. It makes the usually simplistic, "What are you doing tonight?" turn into a big ordeal because I stress about how to phrase it and in what context I want my proposition to be taken. And not only are the questions difficult but the answers (or lack of) I receive have the potential to start a whirlwind of analyzation and second-guessing.

And honestly, at this moment it's Friend Crush edging out Real Crush because of a few things but even that decision doesn't simplify things. Now, just trying to hang out still has me wondering if he's thinking, "She's trying to get me alone!" Why does being FRIENDS have to be so difficult?


Some clarity would ne nice.

Sometimes its better to be a porn star...

said my friend NotADramaQueen one night while I was at work...which given the perversions of my mind got me to thinking. Would it be better to be a porn star?

I mean given the line of their work...it pays well if you're well known, you always know what you'll be doing at work, you're guaranteed that the person you're working with is hot, you are paid to fondle your co-workers 'ass'ets...the list goes on and on.

Then there are the other mutual benefits. You know that any guy and sometimes girl you meet will have your movie on their shelf (maybe in the back, but still there). Your significant other (if you can keep one while you're in the biz) can almost guarantee that others will want you, thus increasing their status because they actually have you. And while people can claim to have never seen you before in life you'll know their lying by the flush that creeps along their skin and the sweat they break out into when they see you...

Yep the life of a porn star can't be that bad....

Of course there's always the fact that everyone will know why type of waxing you do and if you have a mole on your left butt cheek and whether or not should ask for a refund on your newest set of implants, but hey, you're a star...and that's all that matters, right?

Right?

Tiny Spark

So last night I had a date with NotGuitar. I would consider this the "second date" since last Friday it was mainly he and I talking to each other as I was trying to fend off advances from NotHusband.

It was one of those impromptu dates, with not much planning. We decided on a place and time to meet, but that's about it.

There was a lot of walking around the city, one of my favorite things to do. And four hours of talking. And a little arm/leg touching. And "eye giving." Which is good.

Minimal breaks in conversation. We spent most of the time reminiscing about Europe and telling funny stories. I'm not nervous around him, which is a good thing.

However, yet again I have backed myself into the "friends or more" corner... why are men so hard to read?

It's hard to talk a lot about this because I'm not done figuring it out in my head. We hugged as I was leaving though. He's a good hugger.

And You Just Don't Get It

Okay so it is a given that some people just do not get it, whether by conscious or subconscious choice. The ones who don't put two and two together that watching a movie in the dark, while on the couch drinking alcohol should be an indication of intentions. The few who don't realize that me being near them a majority of the time is no accident. It is someone who doesn't get it that arms normally do not touch that much on a platonic night out.

So earlier tonight I had a thought about people like this and whether or not they ever "get it" so I've decided to test them. Why not push the envelope every once and awhile to see if they are, in fact, able to put the clues together. Touch their arm a little more during conversation, give them (more) sex eyes, bring out the really good (and suggestive) flirting. I'll report back in if anything comes of this but don't hold your breath. I think some of my victims are the professional atheletes of "not getting it."

Ode to an Indie Boyfriend

Oh Indie Guy, I know you're out there,
with your collared shirt and stylish hair.
Oh how I long for you, my scruffy man,
With dark rimmed glasses and tender hands.
We'll sit and drink coffee and ponder our lives
while sharing an iPod and heavy "sex" eyes.
You'll be taller than me, with a penchant for sweaters
and i'll burn you cds while you write me long letters
from your crappy job on your break in the park.
About how when we're together, we'll watch movies in the dark.
We'll cuddle, hold hands, and wish we were brilliant.
And we'll bask in the solitue of our couchy concealment.
One day we'll cross paths, in a music store.
I'll be searching for "Give Up" while you try to find "Galore."

Meet Me

I was complaining to NotMiranda that I like to blog about things actually going on but right now, NOTHING is going on so I feel like a boring failure. She suggested I try online dating so I would have something to write about. I am going to pass on her idea but it did remind me of a few moments in the past having to do with the internet and guys.

Before MySpace there was Friendster and as it spread like herpes at WVU, everyone was jumping on the Friendster bandwagon. Needless to say, I had a profile and took advantage of the college ethernet to craft my profile and then try to get as many friends as possible. (Hey, I was in college and that's what you do in college!) Anyway, to bypass my long-winded storytelling ways, let me skip ahead to deciding to meet this guy I liked to call NotCIBF (Creepy Internet Boyfriend.) We talked online a lot because I had nothing else to do (this is when I was jobless after college and living in the city) and I always gave excuses for why I couldn't meet him. But then one night after something upset me I made one of my rash decisions (these often occur when I am upset and need immediate something) and told him we should meet. Ok, it's definitely not smart to meet random people from the internet but I had about 5 friends set to call me at different intervals to make sure I was still alive and who knows-what if he had turned out to be amazing?
Well, he wasn't really amazing but at the time wasn't scary and horrible either. He did live up to the NotCIBF name I had given him because after we met he started telling me that he loved me and could see us getting married and living together.

And that was the end of NotCIBF.

My other internet experience was much better because my friend met him first. We met him on Makeoutclub.com (shut up-it's more of a "scene" type Friendster, not a site about sex or something) and he was more our speed because he was in college and liked the same kind of music and stuff. My friend though was way more reckless than I had been and drove 2 hours away to meet up with him and hang out at a show. Eventually the three of us were friends and she and I definitely developed crushes on him. He was adorable, like a teddy bear. At this same time, my friend, NotGas, and I made a bet to see who could makeout with a Makeoutclub.com member first and guess what! I WON!

...and then we grew bold

Instead of growing older every year, I seem to grow bolder. I'm bolder in the way I walk, the way I talk, even the way I present myself. Don't get me wrong...I still have plenty of meek, soft parts. That's the part of me that has trouble meeting the eye of a guy I fancy and break out in cold sweats around hot guys (you think I jest). This year, however, I'm embracing bold in several new areas of life. Remember the Procedural Dating Guide? I'm filling in a sample dossier and getting ready to put it to work. I'm not a girl to play exactly by the rules, however, and am going to double up on my tactics. There is this guy I want to get to know a little better at my part-time job, but we're both a little shy. I'm dusting off my spy glasses and going covert for this one. Specifically, I'm going to leave the sweetest notecard in his jacket pocket on Saturday. The note will be from his secret admirer and include an anonymous email address for him to write me on. I just want a chance to get to know him a little better and always love being secretive. What do you think? Are secret admirers too over?

Bold spontaneity

It's officially a new year, and while I pretty much suck at new year's resolutions, I love the feeling that a new year brings of being able to start fresh. I know we don't really start over and nothing really changes, but I'm all for the idea that we can make change happen. That said, I have given my year a theme. 2006 is going to be the year of Bold Spontaneity. A smashing start really, if you checked out NotCarrie's post on our New Year's Eve adventures. Foresaking the Black Cat at the last minute and barreling down I-95 trying to beat the midnight countdown was outstanding. It really did get better as we strolled into the bar where everybody knows NotCarrie's name. I have to share two of my favorite (among many) moments. First, I loved the guy who was grinding away and getting his groove on all on his own. Even better was when NotCarrie and I sandwiched him and danced with him, so he wouldn't go it alone. Another favorite was NotBeret. This stiff (drunk ass) guy in a beret kept walking by and trying to catch NotCharlotte's eye. Finally, after something like half an hour of trying to get her attention, he passes by and looks her up and down, holding her gaze about 5 seconds too long. Now imagine a drawl and "Daaaaammmmmmnnnn." So funny. Unfortunately for NotBeret, even verbal appreciation wasn't going to get a nod from NotCharlotte.

Taking the advice of a skunk-tiger mix...

I love webcomics...and recently I've gotten into a few of the furry ones. My latest fave is Sabrina-Online. Great webcomic and it has a really cool character named Zig-Zag, she's a skunk-tiger mix who owns a movie studio that specializes in porn.

Gotta love that!

But on a recent trip with the main character of the webcomic, Sabrina, she reveals why she's not shy about her sexuality and how she expresses herself...and I quote "I do what I enjoy, life's too short to worry about embarassment and self denial." And now I find myself taking advice from a comic strip character.

Zig-Zag has a point. With all the things that are going on in life...it really is too short to worry about what everyone else thinks about you and what you do. Instead strive to be happy, try to make good decisions with a level head and move on from there. So with all of the other new things I'll be doing this year I would like to add that don't deny yourself the things you like no matter how much someone else may not approve. Remember in the morning you've got to be able to look you in the eye and like what you see. Everyone else, well all they see is what they want to see anyway.

Becoming an Adult...or take this label and stick it!

I've always categorized the stages of growing up into someone responsible in the following ways.

1) Legal - basically, you're 18 and over, you pay taxes, you're legal for eveything except drinking. Have fun enjoying becoming a 'responsible' member or society.
2) Adulthood - you've bought your first residence (or rented your first residence) and either live with your significant other or have a roommate thats great to live with, you own a new or newer than your first wreck of a car vehicle and you're looking into the whole dating pool idea with an open mind and heart.
3) Grownup - couplehood acheived and have come together in a shower of sparkling lights and happy fuzzies to create a child. You are soccer mom or she who can do it all and still have great sex.

*pffft*
(in case you can't tell that's me blowing a raspberry at the screen)

If I've learned nothing else this past year its that labels don't define anyone. I love more than anything else to look up my birthday and see what it says I should be like and then proceed to see that while I'm like that in some ways, I'm not like it in a million others. In the back of my mind there is always the chant "never let someone else's opinion of you become your reality". I don't like being how everyone thinks I should be.

I've been told that I should be buying my first piece of property, thinking about getting married, having baby #1, etc. And honestly, none of it appeals to me at all. In fact I want nothing more than to run away from the idea of buying a piece of land anywhere near where I currently live, scream in terror when I think about getting married and shudder at the idea of having a child.

I don't want to do, be or act like any of the things I used to think about when I labeled the different stages of being a responsible member of society. Does that make me irresponsible...? Doomed to repeat the mistakes of a past generation...? Unwilling to grow up and face the facts of life...?

Not sure, but let me finish my lollipop, check my savings account, double check on my IUD insertion date and I'll get back to you.

"Grab His Ass"

Number of asses grabbed: 10+
Number of times my ass was grabbed: a handful
Number of kisses: 2.5
Number of people who threw up way too close to us: 1
Number of hours spent in car: 2(?)

I went into last night not excited, at all. I was tired and restless and worried about money but I had said I would go out and in the back of my mind I knew if I stayed home on NYE I would regret it later. And oooooh how I am glad I went out! NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, and I headed towards the city but because of unforeseen variables, we had to go to Plan B which turned out to be my favorite bar in the world. Nevermind that Plan B was in a city 50 miles away, ha! Anyway, we arrived just as the church bells were ringing in the New Year and we ran to the bar to begin our celebration. And who do we see in line to get in?

NOTTOWNIE!!!!!!! aka, sexiest guy I know. I felt like a total rockstar holding onto his arm walking in and the bouncer saying, "NotCarrie!" (It's nice to be recognized.) I had a great time introducing the Nots to my hott friends and I hope they enjoyed meeting them. NotTall, NotCrazy, and of course NotTownie and NotDreds.

I gave us all tasks, too. Everyone had to grab a stranger's ass and everyone HAD to talk to random men. I am so very proud to report that each of us completed our tasks. And if I were giving out grades I would give us all A+'s! I don't think that many asses have been grabbed in that bar since well...never!

I'm sorry this blog isn't more structured but I am exhausted from getting home at 5am and then working all day. But I won't end before I give you the good stuff, The Kisses!

#.5 NotJason on the cheek before we all headed out our separate ways
#1.5 NotDreds
#2.5 *drumroll please* NotTownie after giving him a ride home from the bar. Damn is he hott.


Thanks so much to NotC and NotM for a hella good night. And NotS, you were missed, Happy New Year to you and everyone else in Blog Land!

*Kisses*,
NotCarrie

Modern World

So remember the fall through date I didn't go on a few weeks ago? Well, it happened this Friday. Sort of.

I invited the myspace guy, NotGuitar, on a group outing, to this new bowling alley called Lucky Strike Lanes, and get to know each other (and have my friends screen him...)
Turns out, the lanes were booked solid for the entire night so the group proceeded to grab tables and receive the worst service ever. I got a call from NotGuitar saying he was going to be late, so this gave me ample time to grow more and more nervous all the while trying to fend of NotHusband and his talk of where we should go on our one year anniversary. *sigh*
So finally he shows up and I'm put almost immediately at ease. He is not a 50 year old balding man with 5 kids and three wives, but a really nice, tall, cute, and relatively scruffy looking 23 year old male.
I was pleased.
We proceeded to talk and watch sumo wrestling on the big screen tvs.
It's kind of odd, but we had talked for almost a year before even thinking about meeting. I immediately felt comfortable around him. But is it wrong to say that I was nervous up until meeting him for fear that there would be no attraction?

I swear that lately (especially last night), I seem to attract the sort of men that I could get if I wanted, but really I didn't want. It's always been a one way street with me, especially as of late.

But I digress. There was attraction. On my end, at least. We kept "making eyes" at each other, which is a good sign, in my book.

I don't want to talk about him too much because honestly, I think that will jinx things.

So for now I will leave you with a few things:
1. He and I hugged as we parted to board separate trains. Hugs are good things.
2. He emailed me the day after saying we need to hang out again soon.
3. We've been iming each other like crazy for the past few hours, but I have yet to "see" if he enjoyed meeting me.

I'm horrible at judging things...

Sitting the dance out...

I was running around today, doing my typical, dash until you pass out from exertion errands and I was thinking about tomorrow night and all the goings on and the well wishes from everyone and the start of a new year with the Nots, and then I decided that I didn't want to.

I think I'm going to sit this New Year's Eve out.

For the past few years (since I've relocated really), I've felt the need to go out and revel with the rest of the adult world. And I promised myself that I wouldn't stay in an have another pity party. But after this year of all the shoulda coulda woulda's that have taken place, I've decided that I should have taken more time for me, I could have taken more time for me if I had just stopped for a minuite, and I would have taken more time for me if I had actually had this time.

So in the tune of doing something for me, tomorrow night as the clock ticks down to midnight, I will be popping the cork on some really nice bubble bath and pouring it liberally and lighting several candles and calling 2005 done.

When Were You Ever Under?

Just decided I'm over it.

Who, me? Rash decision?

But really...for now, over it. My head is about to explode from the tension of this morning and I don't want for my head to explode. It's easier to be over it.

K, there ya go!

New Years Hero Regales (Or Hopes To)

Larissa got me thinking about New Years again and since this year's is completely up in the air I was forced to go down memory lane again. And now that I'm feeling the pressure of being someone's New Year's Hero (yay!) I feel the need to regale you all with more stories.

First of all, the night of my amazing kiss with an absolute stranger (who also happened to be hot and yes, a great kisser) is a night that will either sound too good to be true or will cause you to think that I'm a total slut. Here goes nothing:

My first kiss of the night was with NotIrish, someone I had only met either that night or the weekend before. He was tall and had a tongue ring and in the middle of a conversation with me and NotSusan he said, "Let's show her how it's done" and kissed me. It was a little crazy but he had a tongue ring and said I was a good kisser. It was also in the middle of the bar for all to see.

My second kiss of the night was with NotDreds, a good friend from college and someone who I can always count on to give me some of my own flirting medicine. He dishes it out and we both usually end the night having gotten very close but not too close. That night however we definitely locked lips in celebration of the new year and it was surprisingly hot.

The third kiss is the legendary one and makes for the best story. I was walking down the street enjoying the confetti when I passed this random guy. I turned around to get a better look and he surprisingly did the same. We made our way back to each other and he said, "I haven't gotten my New Year's kiss" and we kissed. Who was this guy!? To this day I still wonder who he was and if I will ever cross paths with him again. Holy hell though it was amazing and a highly recommended way to start a year.

Number four for my New Years night is a special one and a moment I had wished for for years. NotTownie was a friend of a friend who eventually became my friend as well. He is also quite possibly the sexiest person I know and someone who manages to get me to reveal my more um, risque side. That night I was drinking and as a result made it quite clear that I wanted to kiss him (not that it was ever really a secret.) We made a "date" for 1am but I was convinced he would leave before the time came. But 1am came and we headed out to the balconey of the bar where we shared the best few moments in the history of kissing. I even laughed because the moment seemed so surreal but quickly regained my composure so the kiss wouldn't stop. I just talked to him tonight and told him that every year I wish for another kiss like that.

Number five was interesting, to say the least...and probably my "bad decision" part of the night. NotSusan drove me, NotTownie, and 3 of his friends to my car and then I drove me and NotMarine back to where they were staying. Well, that was the plan at least. NotMarine guided me to his house which parted us from the other car and when I parked he took the keys out of the ignition and said I had to come inside to get them. Not being stupid, I refused but then realized I had to use the restroom and it was his parent's house so how much trouble could I get into? We ended up making out in his living room (hey, he was hott, too) but I cut the night short when he started asking me to have sex with him-what, with his parents in the same house? no thank you. I think he told people we banged though because to this day NotTownie still asks me if we did, ha. I don't regret him being five though-I saw him this past summer and my friend said, "WHO is that? He is so hott" and it was nice to remember making out in the early morning hours of January 1, 2004.




Anyway, that's my best New Years night and one I can only wish to repeat in grandour. You can see how I am getting a little apprehensive about this Saturday night and my fear of coming home disappointed...

Sunshine on my Shoulders

My feet hurt. I'm not used to working a retail job. I'm also not used to having no freetime whatsoever.
I have two jobs and once school starts, goodbye social life. There are so many things i need to save up for, not to mention i need to get my gpa up if i want my pwd (plan for world domination) to follow through.
Is it sad to think that all of this would be easier if i had a man in my life? A second half that could come over and keep me company while i write my 10 page papers on updike's sexual frustration/incest. or that would bring me lunch at my retail job even if it means i can only spend 30 minutes with him?
The search has got me tired. I have no time to look for a man, much less knock one out and drag them into my lair...

Such is the life of me.

I do it my way

A few years ago I worked with NotPrincess. NotPrincess was definitely a diva wannabe but fell prey to the perils of social status as a newly arrived Washingtonian on the bottom of the DC food chain. When I came across NotPrincess, she had just left the Hill as a staff assistant for Kerry (Nebraska). Because of how little she made on the Hill, NotPrincess had developed this theory of dating that she called the theory of trois. She believed (and practiced) that, in order to keep herself fed and with enough drink to remain happy, she needed to be constantly dating at least three men. One of the three could be semi-serious and may get the goodies; however, the other two were to be led on for the sole purpose of free meals and drinks. The problem is that I am not NotPrincess, nor do I want to be. I would have a hard enough time working one man into my life, much less bouncing between three like a pinball. Of course, I do realize that the rules of changed. Dating and courting are evolving into what sometimes seems like one big mindfuck. This is why I have taken matters into my own hands and purchased the Guide to Procedural Dating. Less guide and more kit, this piece of marketing genius includes everything a Not girl needs to make dating more uniform in this century. It includes everything from attraction notification cards to a sexual intimacy agreement to an exclusivity contract (and more). Personally, I'm psyched to try this out. What better way to catch a man's attention than with an attraction notification card?!

Ten Commandments of Me...

I've been considering making myself over lately, and with the new year coming in and the new year being all about well, doing things anew, I figured this would be the best venue to show others how I will be improving upon perfection (*snort*) yet again this year.

1) Thou shalt always find something good about thyself.

2) Thou shalt not deny thyself the best things in life.

3) Thou shalt not be made a fool of by anyone.

4) Thou shalt speak up for thyself.

5) Thou shalt know who thy friends are.

6) Thou shalt always have a good head on thy shoulders.

7) Thou shalt always see the advice from the fellow Nots.

8) Thou shalt always be a steadfast and true Not.

9) Thou shalt not let the little things in life get thee down.

10) Thou shalt live everyday to its fullest.

And with this I prepare for the new year.

"But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end"

I'm about to watch my brand new Special Edition Titanic DVD so while I don't have much to blog about now, I am sure to be inspired after the movie. Good thing it's just a Monday night before the new week and it's okay to be vegging and watching movies!

Okay, on to my date with Leo.

*sigh*

NotJay royally pissed me off. On Christmas Eve, no less. I sent him an im to wish him a merry christmas and then all of a sudden he asked if i was dead set on his place for new years.

*DINGDING* WARNING SIGN

so after a VERY short conversation he basically tells me that his "real new years crew" is getting together in Philly so he has to cancel the party.

That bastard.

So now NotMiranda and I are plotting a way for us to meet men and get fantastic New Years kisses. Are the other Nots up for this?

Anyways,

MERRY CHRISTMAS all of you lovely people that read this blog. I think i speak for all the Nots when i say we really appreciate your reading/commenting on our life stories.

And to the Nots, I really appreciate your friendship. I don't think i've gotten this close with girls without hanging out with them constantly. It's the best of both worlds!

...plus, you all gave me fantastic christmas presents ;-)

Is Love Ever Enough...?

There is a reason I don't have a steady relationship and after listing to my friend NotStreetcarDesire I know why.

She's what I would call, Little Miss "I've had my shit together since I was an embryo", she's an up front go getter of a person and while she can be abrasive at times, she's one of my best friends. And I love her like a sister. Though at times I also want to strangle her like a sister. However, recently, as in the past few years she's been in a relationship with NotYoungEnough, who is mentally mature for her (sometimes almost too mature), but almost so set in his ways that he can't see doing anything different.

She's been living overseas and doing the whole live in girlfriend thing, but its in a country where she doesn't speak the language and long term doesn't plan to be there to need it so she doesn't see the point in learning it as NotYoungEnough constantly suggests.

Among other things she's persuing her writing career, but last night she starts talking about how unhappy she is living overseas and how NotYoungEnough isn't ready to think about moving to the States because of a business deal that he's been involved in for the past few years and its just starting to look like its going to pay out. To which I ask her what she wants...and she's not sure, but overall she poses the question: Is Love Ever Enough...? Now, at risk of sounding so unlike myself, I have to realize that I do believe that love is enough. But what happens if situations like NotStreetcarDesire's occur in which you love someone, but the circumstances around it aren't right. Do you give up and do what's best for you? Do you hope that in the end things are going to turn out right and "love conquers all"? She looked to me for answers to this. Me, the last person I think has the right to tell anyone how to live their life. Especially considering the stuff I get into.

Half the time I feel like I'm spinning down a slippery slope into nothing.

But enough about me.

This thing called love; a four letter word that means everything and nothing at all to people. It seems like more and more people are trying to figure it out. To me I see it more like the lottery. The chances of winning at it are a little better, but if you don't open yourself up to it then you can't win at it. In the same breath I'm also going to say, that if you open yourself up to the good parts about it you also have to deal with the bad parts about it. The heartbreak part.

So, I've been posed with the question, is love ever enough..and the only answer I have right now is, I don't know, but I would hope it is.

And Still it Sits in Front of You

I have a thing for one of the guys at my retail job. Actually, there are quite a few "hotties" that work there alongside me, however this one is different. He reminds me of one of my best friends from high school so I shall call him NotMatt.

I don't know if it's so much of a "thing" as a "friend crush." He's pretty cute though. And we took our lunch break together and talked about video games, our stupid jobs, and crazy coworkers. He actually asked me questions and honestly looked like he cared about my answers. Which is refreshing because most of the guy friends I have right now are pretty self-centered (*AHEM*NotHusband and NotGay)

Just felt the need to share that.

In other news, I have another date next week. With NotSoccer. Should be interesting, considering he only talks to me/asks me out when he wants something. Thing is, he tempted me with a free ticket to "Chronicles of Narnia" so i couldn't say no. I know, I'm a sucker for men buying me things, but sometimes it doesn't hurt!

The Customer Is Always Hott

Last night at my part time retail job I realized that, when busy I was starting to scope out for the hott guy customer. This made me laugh since I'm supposed to help people in the order they come and also, because it's not like helping some hott guy is going to result in a tryst back in the art section (best hiding spot in my opinion.) There did seem to be a higher percentage of hott men out shopping last night though. I guess they are all procrastinators....which is okay with me. Hott is hott.


Does that ever happen though? Some random makeout somewhere? The most random kissing moment I have ever had was New Years 2003 when I passed a hott guy in the street and turned around to get a better look. Much to my surprise he was doing the same thing and we gravitated back to each other and he said, "I haven't gotten my New Years kiss yet." (*swoon*) And then we kissed. Holy crap it was amazing! But that was New Years when kissing is expected. I think my random work makeout daydream is going to continue to be just that...in my head.

Mystery Ring

I was proposed to last night.



Crazy, right? To me, too....maybe because it didn't really happen! The story is now my favorite to tell at the moment so of course I shall share it with you all...

Last night, NotMiranda, NotJason and I exchanged gifts. We opened them one at a time and to make a long story short, I needed scissors to open one of mine from NotJason. So, since I had the scissors in hand I decided to also cut free the $6 ring I had purchased from Kohls earlier in the evening (silver with a rather large, fake-colored stone, cheesy, but cute.) So I cut the ring free, it falls and as I pick it up and put it on my left hand ring finger (without even thinking) I get very excited for both it, and the gift from NotJason.

NJ: Was that ring in there?!!!!!??!

NotCarrie: Huh? what? OH! No, I bought this earlier.

NJ: *look of complete and utter fear, white as a ghost* OH, Because I thought it was in with that we had been talking about rings*....I don't do rings.


*My sister's boyfriend gave her a ring and I told NotJason this earlier in the day.



Now, I find this interesting because:

1. How would a ring magically get in with a stocking stuffer type gift?
2. He and I are Just Friends...wouldn't it be very odd for me to FIND a ring and assume it is from him?
3. Again, Just Friends... it just struck me as so odd-his reaction. Not that it was negative (hellooo, Just Friends) but that his mind even went there. I'm not even one of those crazy type girls running around just looking to get engaged. Weird.



BUT HILARIOUS!!!!!

All Work And No Play

It's easy to deduce why progress with current boys takes so long and why I don't meet as many people as I used to: I work a lot. I work on average 60+ hours a week (between two jobs)which is not a crazy amount but with commuting time added in, it really cuts back on free time. Going out during the week rarely occurrs since I'm usually too tired or need my vegging out time and also because most of my friends work a lot, too.

Fridays are usually dedicated to doing something fun, though and I love love love my Fridays! The trend has emerged of spending my Fridays with NotMiranda and NotJason and we definitely have our share of fun.

Saturday nights are iffy as I usually have an early shift the next morning. A late night is out of the question which is what NotSusan usually does and then my Friday night cohorts are often working the closing shift on Saturday nights.

So really, I am condensing my entire social life into one night. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend;) When am I supposed to meet him? When are we supposed to bond and realize our mutual feelings for each other? I guess the next question would be, When, if I had a guy, do I expect to spend time with him? I'm still not going to work less or be able to stay out until all hours of the night before working. I've thought about this though and when I'm sprawled across my bed watching One Tree Hill from Netflix it's very easy to imagine some guy next to me, complaining that the show sucks. See, in my mind, a great boyfriend is also a great companion. Someone to spend time with...someone I enjoy spending time with...someone who makes doing something casual that much better just because he is there.


So I know what I want and what I will be happy with but there is still the problem of WHERE and HOW and WHEN this can happen? I enjoy watching TV while laying on my bed but I'm certainly not going to meet my future TV watching makeout buddy while there! (Unless he breaks in and I'm probably NOT going to want to date someone in prison.)

My Slumbering Heart

So i made it through yet another semester at NotHarvard. Goddamn i'm glad it's over. I'm off for an entire month and I couldn't be happier.

And what did i do to celebrate this wonderful occasion? On friday i got drunk with the Nots (and the honorary Not), and then on saturday i had a weird ass date.

I was supposed to meet up with this guy that i had talked to on myspace. Several things occured that stopped me from doing this, including a threat of a security check, 5 hours of shopping at the most hellious mall ever, and a slightly upset stomach.
So instead, I went out with NotGay.
But i'm not sure if it was a DATE. We initially met to go see "Brokeback Mountain." In dupont circle. For those of you who do not frequent DC on a regular basis, Dupont Circle is considered the gay district. So there i was, going to the gay district to see a gay movie with a man who people consider gay. I sure know how to stack the odds against me, eh?

So i get there and apparently it's sold out. So he decides we should go play pool. 2 hours and a few drinks later, i am still trying to decide if it's a date or not. he pays for everything. we have quasi-good conversation. he turns his new years party over to me so i can invite tons of people. i learn a shitload about his crappy home life. i move to leave and he hugs and kisses me.

This wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that he's so damn effeminant!! He's almost as bad as NotHusband, but we already know that story.
I need a manly man. I want rough and tumble, scruffy, muscular, BOLD men. Fawning over me. Right now. Or at least by the end of holiday break.

Any takers? ;-)

Memoirs of modern day geishas

I went to see Memoirs of a Geisha yesterday. The beautiful shots of what I can only assume really was Japan took my breath away. The geisha were also stunning with their practiced beauty. I entered the theater confused about what a geisha really was, wondering if they were really prostitutes. While I make no claims about being an expert on geishas now, I imagine myself enlightened. These women were truly masters in the art of seduction. Sex was sometimes part of the equation (bid wars over virginity were truly a trip), but it wasn't really the point. With the subtly of an exposed wrist or the lifting of shy eyes, fantasies are fulfilled and battles won.

I left the theater wanting to flirt, to snare a man with simply a look. It also hit me that some of us could be considered modern day geishas. The secrets for snaring men are the same. These 'Not' girls here are experts at giving great eyes (I'm fond of calling it eye sex). Now while some may still put the goodies out for bid, we all don't choose that route. Regardless, we are all about practicing those time-honored skills of seduction.

The Friend Crush Returns!

I have a new Friend Crush!

I am not sure how long the list is but I must be honest that two of them could possibly also be on the list of "People I Want To Bang* At My Second Job." And for clarity's sake, the PIWTB*AMSJ list is now up to three. But the PIWTB*AMSJ could be further explained, and clarified, with a Venn Diagram..perhaps at work tomorrow I will create and upload said Venn diagram, but for now I will just explain it:

Circle 1 (PIWTB*AMSJ) has three names and overlaps with Circle 2 (PIWTB*NOAMSJBAOARB**) which has one name. The name in Circle 2 (PIWTB*NOAMSJBAOARB) is also in Circle 1 (PIWTB*AMSJ). Confused?


I think it's fun! Oh, and I guess I should explain that not all Friend Crushes are in the PIWTB*AMSJ circle.





*Bang probably equals just making out but I'm trying to sound more badass than I really am.
**People I Want To Bang* Not Only At My Second Job But Also On A Regular Basis.)

Engagement Celebration!

The Not girls are going out for the evening to help a good friend celebrate her engagement. I can't divulge too many details on the evening, though because NotMiranda and I have planned this night and we have a few surprises up our sleeves. However, it is sure to be a fun and exciting time and hopefully all four of us come back with something to write about-if you know what I mean!

Kick Him Where It Hurts

When I was in 5th grade I had a crush on one of the neighborhood kids, NotNathaniel, but I was so shy and worried of rejection that I never did anything about it. Sure, it was 5th grade so what all could I have done, but it caused me to miss out a little on that elementary school Boyfriend/Girlfriendness. I tried though, in my little way, to let him know that I did indeed like him back:

I kicked him in the shins while we waited at the bus stop.

I know, it's ridiculous! We would stand there, waiting for the cheesewagon and I would just kick him, over and over in the shins and he would stand there and take it like a "man." Nothing ever came of my weird way of flirting but I think it was because he and his family moved before 6th grade. I kind of missed him for quite awhile and always felt like he would have been my Neighborhood Love had we grown up in the same area. We would have inevitably dated or hooked up or something, I just know it.

But I digress a little because the reason I started writing about kicking the guy I liked is because I'm starting to wonder if I should bring back my elementary way of flirting. I feel like I need to kick some sense into some guys (ok, one or two in particular) and get them to realize that I'm in like with them.

I work hard so I'll "Play" hard

I love comic books.

They give insight into the workings of the mind that most of the time people don't want to admit to. However, I make it a policy of being as honest with myself as possible. So, with that in mind, I'm instituting a new NOT policy. If you work like a dog *key "She works hard for her money" music*, then you get to play just as hard.

Lately, I've been killing myself with work, so this weekend I'm going to venture into the realm of a Play party...and its all the more attractive because I can bring a covered dish...so its a Potluck Play Party...sex toys and tupperware...dildos and pyrex....*smirk*

So on Saturday night as you sit down to your meatloaf...just know that I'll be sitting down to mine as well. I just hope it will all fit!

PS...no blushing at my post...it's not allowed.

Back To The Future

It was the winter after I had graduated from college and moved to the city. I had no job and a lot of spare time on my hands and looking back, I would probably call it my "Blue Period." It was also year 3 or so of knowing NotRoger, who by some weird coincidence was living in the same city as I was.

We had not talked for awhile when I saw his name start to pop up on AIM every once and awhile. Partly because I was bored and partly because he was still a conquest I had still not conquered, I got back in contact with him. From the beginning though I told him nothing was going to happen. I was worried that if I went to his apartment he was going to think it was some booty call. And I don't do booty calls. But I didn't really meant for NOTHING to happen so the first time I went over to his place I was very disappointed that he had not tried to kiss me!

I can't remember if I told him I had been disappointed or not but regardless of that, the next time I went over there was much better. We watched Back to the Future with him on one side of the couch and me on the other like we were in middle school and our parents were upstairs. But then, right when the lightening struck the clock he leaned over and kissed me.

I really appreciated him making that first move and was impressed he had the balls to do it. Later, when I told my friend about the night she said, "Awww, Back to the Future, that is SO romantic!"

Variations on a Theme

I have realized that men need to have the following qualities in order for me to be interested in him:
1. They have to be as smart, or a bit smarter, than me.
2. They have to love art/music and be either artistic/musically inclined.
3. They must be willing to try new things.
4. They can't be too picky.
5. They have to have enough self-confidence in themself, but not too much.
6. sense of humor that is beyond fart jokes and slapstick
7. The ability to carry a complete conversation without making weird voices or not taking anything seriously.

I have also realized that NotHusband has none of these qualities. More on this later, I need sleep more than I need to think about this.

When Were You Ever Under Me?

I thought I was getting over it. "It" being him but since all it has been is a crush I feel weird talking about it like people are going to start describing me as melodramatic. But last night on my drive home after a great evening with NotMiranda and NotJason I couldn't help but think about it all. I had such a nice time last night, decorating a Christmas tree and looking at pictures from before. It was the type of evening I would describe as "warm and fuzzy" if I even used phrases like, "warm and fuzzy," (I don't.)
My first thought was about my crushes and how when I get a crush, it's a Crush. I don't just get over them, I get attached and it usually only is resolved by us getting together or us drifting apart and not even talking that much anymore. I guess it goes along with part of my personality of not quitting things. Even if I'm barely holding on, I won't quit. It's why I double majored in college, it's why I still have a part time job along with m full time one, it's why I still email people I have seen in years because I won't give up on knowing them.
My second line of thinking was about how people actually get together and how is it possible for two people who won't make the first move to reach the next step. All the people in the world can say, "Just do it" but it's not that easy. I can make the first move when it doesn't matter. When I'm in a bar and just want to makeout or if it's with a friend who I know is in my life for a reason other than to be in my circle always. (NotRoger?)

I didn't really resolve anything last night while driving home and thinking things over except I do know now that I really, really want a Soundtrack To Me. I want it to play at the right times because you know how when you're watching some TV show or Movie and the song really adds to the moment and you "get it?" Maybe the right song at the right time would really help things...haha!

Oh and then last night I had the hand-holding dream again. I am such a dork, who has dreams about holding hands? Shouldn't I be having sex dreams or something? ;)

Cherry Stems

My friend, NotRebecca, just reminded me of this awful night in college. Actually, it was a fun night in college but maybe 'too' fun, if you know what I mean! So a group of us went to a neighborhood restaurant/bar for drinks-it was me, NotRebecca, NotSusan and *shudder* NotSteelyDan (don't ask). I don't think I've written about NotSteelyDan before but here he is in 50 words or less:

Tall, skinny, OCD, likes metal, platonic crush on MY college crush, moody, clingy, weird shoes, long hair, too-short pants, moves his balls around a lot (ha), dropped out of college because "everyone was against him," has had too many jobs to count...

When I describe him or think about him I have to also try to analyze why we were friends in the first place. As horrible as it is, I think we were friends for two reasons:

1. He was friends with the guy I had a gigantic crush on and
2. He had a crush on me at various times during our friendship

I could go on for hours analyzing him, analyzing our friendship, and telling stories from when we used to hang out. But the reason I started this blog was because NotRebecca reminded me of the Cherry Stem Tying Contest. It was my idea of course because one of my inate talents is that I can tie a cherry stem into a knot in my mouth. I'll hold for applause...

Anyway, so we are at this bar and drinking HORRIBLY mixed drinks when I start the contest and, of course, win. Then I have the bright idea to PASS THE CHERRY STEM TO NOTSTEELYDAN. (Even typing it out now makes my stomach churn.) I don't know why I decided that would be a good idea...maybe I just wanted to kiss someone, or maybe I was just being a tease (another blog, another day), or maybe I was doing it for shock value. Probably a combination of all three but I have to make a point of saying that I was never, ever, ever, attracted to NotSteelyDan. Ever. It's like he was who I practiced and honed my flirting technique with. I had nothing to lose with being crude or risque or saying flirty things to him. I never wanted to follow through though. Ever. (Can I stress that enough? haha!)

I'll write more on him later. Like I said, there's a lot to analyze. He's a crazy mofo.

Just Put Your Lips Together...

Like NotCharlotte, I have also begun to worry about my New Year's Eve plans. The past few years I have had AMAZING NYE celebrations. Last year was when I was sort of dating NotRoger so after my normal partying at my favorite bar and of course kissing NotDreds at midnight, I headed down the road to NotRoger's place. Let's just say I was there for awhile.
The year before that I went to my same favorite bar and kissed NotDreds at midnight and had a great time drinking and having a good time with my good friend NotSusan.
The year before that was my NYE to be proud of...the year I kissed 5 people and I'm not just talking pecks on the cheek or even innocent kisses on the mouth. I kissed hot strangers, hot friends, and even had an invitation to continue the evening from one (I declined.)

But this year has me stressing. I was even thinking about it on my drive into work this morning. Who thinks about their plans three weeks away at 730am? I DO! Because I am thinking about this to the point that I almost just want to stay home to avoid the stress and expectations of that night. If I go to my favorite bar then I can probably kiss NotDreds again but I'm not even sure of the situation of going there with NotSusan. If I hang around closer to my usual stomping grounds then I'm fairly certain I will go home disappointed and without a kiss. I like to be spontaneous but I also like for certain things to go a certain way and me getting kissed on January 1st is essential.

But what about this...My January 1st kiss can happen AFTER I've celebrated and slept and begun my day, right? I wonder if I could work up the nerve to kiss NotJason on the cheek later that day...This way I can go with the flow for the evening and see what plans transpire from now until then but I won't need to stress about being in the right place at the right time. Then I can find someone either that night or even later that day and give them a kiss. And a kiss on the cheek counts, too, right? It does...I say it does.

Oh phew...I feel a little better.

But inside I'm screaming....

We all have them. One of those days when its almost too much. *deep cleansing breath*
I try not to let my inner me out too much because, well, because its not pretty. I can be a moody bitch when I want to and tonight was one of the nights that I was unfit for human consumption. Basically, I wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible. Which I managed to do, except for my nagging conscious plaguing me.

See, I went about the responsible route with my new BDSM venture and got all my womanly testing done, which includes the usual run of STD testing...so while I await the results I began to think about the last time I had such testing done...10 years ago. Then I started to think...had it really been that long since I had seriously been ready to get down to the nitty gritty.

Personally, I think after 10 years I'm due for a little something something.

But I digress. (you guys are used to this by now or you should be)

I started laying out my sexual history and what encounters I had had over the past few years. What the possible risks of entering into something wholely new to me could be. Pregnancy for one, STDs for another. Surprisingly, the former worries me more than the latter...seeing as me and kids don't mix, well neither do me and STDs, but a good condom and I'm set, but those can't protect from breaking if you're a little overenthusiastic or if the guy comes with accessories below the belt...so for this I go with option number 2...the IUD...something that will prevent the pitter patter for a good 10 more years...

Then I started to freak when I realize I needed to add one more test to the cache I had done last week...pregnancy...well crap! Off the the OBGYN I go tomorrow at lunch, besides my test results should be back by then.

Alternative to Love

Operation: Get Kissed on New Years Day has now commenced.

The first step in this mission was "get invited someplace."
Which today, occurred for me.
NotGay is having a kick-ass party in his newly moved in house on Capitol Hill.
This will be the first new years that i have spent in the city. Last year i went to a party held by an old coworker. the year before that i had a party that ended in relentless x-box playing. the year before that was spent in a hotel watching a marathon of Sex and the City episodes.
Now, i had fun at all of those events, but no kissing ensued, either due to lack of boys, lack of alcohol, or lack of courage.

Not this time.

The thing that runs in my mind is the statement that "if you don't kiss anyone at midnight, you'll be single all of next year."
Even though that's not true, i mean i had a couple of relationships in this past year and you know my new years history, i still am making myself believe it so.

This year has been different for me, so why not end it differently?