Flirting

As I was sitting in the world's worst traffic yesterday (seriously, traffic at 730pm? Why.) I had the following thought:

If I am going to have a boyfriend*, does that mean I have to stop flirting?

And honestly, I was a little distraught about the thought. Flirting is almost second nature to me. It's fun. I enjoy it. I do it...a lot. I don't think I could ever just not do it. The thing is, though, that I don't follow up my flirting with propositions or anything so I think I should be okay continuing the habit. Maybe to a lesser degree, of course. I don't want to be thatgirl.

And yeah, I know the whole, "if you're happy with your guy/girl then you won't be looking elsewhere," but that's not the problem. Like I said, it's not like I am out there propositioning people, I just like to be charming. I almost can't help it;)




*Do NOT jump the gun, please. I said "IF".

The Distinguished Gentlewoman…

Is there such a thing as the Distinguished Gentlewoman?

While talking with NotASong we pondered this question. Men as they get older get 'distinguished,' women on the other hand just get old or if they're so inclined they get Botox. But men age and like fine wine they get better with age.

Just to put things in perspective here. I'm only 28, but I don't like the idea of when I get old, then that's it. I don't like not having society even giving me the option of being a distinguished gentlewoman. While I'm sure some love the idea of aging gracefully and easing their way into the golden years…I've always been more of a live young, die hard leave a good smelling corpse, just without the dying part. I love to party hard (when I can tear myself away from my two computers, that is), and I love the idea of getting older. But I want to have that same sense of classiness that men seem to acquire when they cross over the 50 year mark.

Did women somehow miss out on this? I mean currently, amongst the magazines, books and just about all kinds of media there seems to be a focus on being younger, appearing younger, and stopping the aging process all together. There are even entire magazines devoted strictly to the latest in plastic surgery. The newest creams, potions and brews, can take away your wrinkles, make your smile brighter and offer you the appearance of a younger you. What's wrong with a wrinkle or two or having your hair finally go grey?

I'm fed up with being told that I need to look young for as long as I can because when I finally look my age no one else will want me. Dammit, I want my wrinkles and my years to show; proof positive that I'm old enough to know what I'm doing and know that I'm doing it right. Distinguished Gentlewoman…bah!

You Turn Me On, I'm A Radio

The past few weeks have been a blur. I recently got a huge promotion at work and it seems that along with the summer, my free time has blown away like the last whisps of humid air that burdened the DC area. I'm happy for both to be gone, to be quite honest.
I've been spending most of my time with NotHarry, with a few visits here and there with NotMiranda, NotPhotographer, and myriad other favorites.
Things are going well. It's been so long since I've had a guy in my life that I want to be with all the time. My parents like him, all of my friends like him, which is awesome. I think it's so important for my friends to like and get along with whoever I end up with.

However, like any blossoming couple, we have our problems. One of my pet peeves with him is that he doesn't commit to things until the last minute. This doesn't drive me crazy all the time, but if it's for something that I consider important, I think I have a right to be a bit perturbed. He's done it twice and both times he ended up going camping instead.
I have chalked it up to the fact that he just doesn't want to tell me no.

So over the weekend we were discussing things and he notified me that Halo 3 was coming out on Tuesday (at midnight to be exact) and that he probably wouldn't spend much time with me over the week, unless I came over and played Wii in the other room. I said that was cool, I had plans formulating anyway.
Cut to this afternoon. He invited me over to watch Heroes and I declined, blaming high gas prices and payday not being until Tuesday (to pay for said high gas prices).
He said "okay, cool. we can do something tomorrow."
"Oh really? what about your silly game?" I asked. "I'm going out to dinner with some friends and was going to invite you, but you told me you'd be busy."
"I'm sure I'll want to take a break. Does the offer still stand?"

This amuses me, simply because it made me realize that he truly doesn't mean to be non-committal. This just means he's a typical guy.


So he's going to dinner with my friends and I tomorrow.


Little does he know it's dinner and salsa dancing lessons...

Burn the Floor…

I love a good dance movie. So when NotMiranda and I got together a two weeks ago this is what we did. Now, I'm the first to say that the remake of "Shall We Dance" isn't high art, but the dance scene between Richard Gere and the former JLo is a thing of beauty. And when I see something come together as well as those two did for that Tango I know that this is the dance for me. And given my current dateless status it gives me one more thing to compare men and women in relationships. But above all else...

This was hot, this was probably the hottest thing I've ever seen...now, how to get some for myself...

And in case you're wondering what music inspired this post...

Bubble World

I am taking a class where my teacher often tells us to enter her "Bubble World", where things go how she needs them to and what we're learning can be easily applied. It's easy for me to go to Bubble World since I am pretty sure it is next door to Daydream World, where I spend much of my time.

Bubble World is where things go just how they should, no one is tired, no one is in a bad mood, and things go according to plan. Since I know Bubble World would get boring if a constant thing, I would instead like to have a button to push where, when things get kind of crappy, I can leave reality and be in Bubble World.

Scenario 1:

My boyfriend and I get in a fight where unkind words are said.

*BUBBLE WORLD BUTTON PUSHED*

Boyfriend shows up holding boombox above head playing a song he knows will mean something. (and no, not "In Your Eyes".)

Scenario 2:

I go out while on vacation and meet the guy of my dreams, but realize I am leaving the next day.

*BUBBLE WORLD BUTTON PUSHED*

Amazing guy tells me he just got transfered to DC and needs someone to show him the city.

Scenario 3:

Am having wonderful evening with guy and realize I have to get up early the next day.

*BUBBLE WORLD BUTTON PUSHED*

Time stops. Also, there are stars. And it's chilly. Bubble World is awesome.

I heard it through the grapevine...

I found out last week that NotSkippy had just proposed two weeks previous to NotIttyBittyTitty.

Not exactly sure how or what I feel about that...so for now we'll go with indescribable.

When The Sun Rises

And what was maybe the best response to "Please stay" at 6am:


"But I'm a classy lady and I have to be home before the sun rises."


Of course, while smiling demurely...

Stars Are Blind

Sometimes my "Daily Romantic Horoscope For Singles" email can really piss me off. Astrology is for fun, right? I just like to read them and be completely girly and get excited about the possibilities. Tonight, though, not only did it come at the most inopportune time, but it's message sucked:

You're a real free spirit now, full of out-there ideas and electric energy. You're likely loving life and your independent status, if the stars have their say -- but, of course, this makes you ever more alluring, too.

I guess it does explain why I had a creepy stalker at work tonight and more than one guy gave me a double take, but is it telling me what I really want to hear? No, it sure isn't.

And I know what your first question will be: What does she really want to hear?? Well, to give you a hint...I really would be okay with cancelling my subscription to the Daily Romantic Horoscope for Singles...

Feel It All

I'm still trying to get over the fact that NotHarry has liked me for three years. I don't ever remember having a fondness for someone so long... well except for Matt Damon. Recently, we've been inseperable. This week has been really trying for me both mentally and physically, and he has been my rock.
I spent most of the weekend at the vet with my ailing dog and soon NotHarry would stop asking if I wanted him to be there and just take off work early and show up at my house 30 minutes before the appointment.
He was there when the vet told us the bad news and he was also there to talk to my mom on the phone and tell her the bad news because I was too choked up.
He was there when my family made the decision to put my dog to sleep.
He was there to keep my spirits up and kept me busy for the remainder of the week when I was too upset to go to work.

It's so weird that the second I stop looking for someone, it happens. He comes out of the woodwork and all of a sudden, I'm content and pleased and everything's running so smoothly.

My parents like him too, which is a HUGE thing. Usually, my dad just makes nicknames up for all of my guy friends and makes fun of them mercilessly. Instead, at dinner they talk about Germany and animals and history and dad tells me that we need to "fatten him up" and that "he seems to really fit in with you." My mom already wants him to meet our family in Wisconsin. It's so surreal.

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

I randomly saw a picture last night of this guy I used to be completely enamored with and even made out with on many, many occasions. Le me tell you, he is looking goooood! So good in fact, that I initiated some contact and would absolutely meet up with him even though it has been years now since we've hung out.

Are You Dating?

I have had no fewer than three people ask me in the past few days if I am dating NotGraceful. What, a guy and girl can't just be friends these days? I guess not since our amount of time spent together has increased and we've even been seen out together on the town. So scandalous!

But the thing is, if we were dating, would I answer in the affirmative to the inquisitors? Is it any of their business? Say we were dating. It would be really new right now, right? I don't think I would want everyone all up in our business. I don't want to start the gossip trains a goin'. (And believe me, they are out there. Just waiting for news.) Yeah, I'd be excited and happy, but renting out a billboard to declare the news is so not something I would do.

And that's the other thing. I loathe putting labels on things like this. I vomited every single time in high school when two people would be described as "talking." What does that even mean? It is ridiculous. And so what is the next step, dating? But at what point do two people become boyfriend/girlfriend? After how many dates are two people exclusive? It all just becomes increasingly confusing and obnoxious, yet it's annoyingly necessary. At a certain point, and especially if el sexo is involved, I want to know where we stand, but I seriously dread the "What are we?" conversation.

Unintended

"How long have you liked me?"
"For a long, long time."
"How long?"
"A long time."
"I didn't know you liked me until you 'put the moves' on me."
"You mean when I asked you for coffee?"
"That was a long time ago! Like February! You've liked me since February?"
"I've liked you a lot longer than that."
"How long?"
"I liked you when I first met you, three years ago. You were always so different. So funny and entertaining. I would look forward to our parties because it meant that I would get to see you."
"Really? Wow, I never knew."
"Well, it's not like I could have done anything about it... I mean, I WAS married."
"True."

I have found myself in the most unconventionally awesome relationship, ever. Don't worry, he's been divorced from his wife since September. We just started dating about 3 weeks ago. That conversation above took place last night. I love taking things slow... and goodness knows he does too.

There's plenty more to this story, but I'm tired and kind of want to make my posts worth it to you guys :-)

Trying To Tell Me Something?

I was just digging around in the bottom of my bag for a pen and what do I find? A CONDOM! What the hell? (And no, not used. Do you think I would be blogging about a used condom in my bag? If that had happened I would have 1) Wondered if I had been drugged and 2) Shower at the thought of some random jizz being in my bag.)


So from where did the condom come? Is it a sign from God to have el sexo? NotMiranda said she didn't put it in there so I'm going to ask NotGraceful, although that would be so weird if he had. Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to actually have it when needed?

Mystery condom, mystery condom, from where did you come?

Parking in the rear...

I love that men magazines try to be about super manly things, but in the end still sound (look and feel) like the ladies mags.

However, there was one article that I was reading in Details this month, that was something I would never expect to find in a woman's mag. They were talking about anal sex.

*listens a feet scramble to leave blog*

Surprisingly, its not something I've thought about having myself. I've read about it plenty, but honestly never seriously given thought about doing it. But now that I've read this article and when I rethink what I have read about it, I've begun to wonder if it would be worth it.

In small anecdotes the article mentions how both men and women are turned on by the activity, but that for some the psychological issues for one of the guys in the article proved to be too much and he discontinued the activity, despite the fact that his girlfriend enjoyed it more than vaginal sex.

This is where I saw the breakdown for how men think about sex and how women seem to think about sex (at least with the information given in the article). The few guys mentioned were more concerned with the body's non-sexual reaction than the women and for them it seemed to be more about reclaiming dominance. But I'm wondering if the article explored everything (and not that I expected it to do so), but it would have nice if it would have gone into more detail than the 2 pages (with a glaringly obvious picture taking up 3/4 of one page) allowed.

Hmmm...maybe the next encounter I have will be rear parking only. For scientific (cough sexual cough) reasons only, of course.

DSL

We're not talking high-speed internet here, people. Say it with me: Dick Sucking Lips. Crude, yes, but apparently I have them as was told to me by two guy friends whom I have known forever*. I feel like I've won a superlative or something.

Thank you, thank you! I couldn't have done it without really good genes and some nice lipgloss!


But what does one do with such a feature? Oh wait, that! Not tonight, though. Tonight was more about stopping things before they went too far. I think it was a good thing there wasn't a drop of alcohol in sight.




*And have never bing bonged. I've only kissed these two guys. Nothing more.

Live free...

Earlier today I told NotMiranda that I had a funny feeling in my gut about my current guy situation. I thought it was because I thought it was going to turn into just a hook up thing. I was also afraid that it was going to go nowhere and the friendship I had with the person in mind would be lost.

After talking with this specific person (notname TBD), I realized that the funny feeling in my gut was because I think it's turning into something more complex than I'm prepared to handle.

It all started with the butterflies I felt in my stomach when he kissed me last night.


More later, I need time to think.

Blast From The Past

I am 90% sure I saw NotRoger in the truck next to me the other night as I returned from an out-of-town trip. Unfortunately, the moment was fleeting and I hesitated when given the chance to take the same road he was. It seemed a bit too stalkerish to change my route in order to confirm who I had seen, but I instantly regretted it since the change in direction was still an option for my way home. I think what stopped me was the fact that my car is not exactly incognito and I also didn't know what I would say or do if I did see him get out somewhere. "Hey, I followed you! How have you been!?" Yeah, no.

Very interesting, though.

Beer. The Love Catalyst

What, two beers in and all I want to do is makeout with someone? TWO BEERS? What the hell is wrong with me;)? It is unfortunate that I need to actually get some sleep tonight, haha.

Beauty + Money = Empty Beds or Why the Rich and Famous will get none of my sympathy

I'm not usually one to read tabloids. In fact I try to keep as far away from them as possible. However, I couldn't help but notice the glaring cover of last weeks (this weeks, however the hell the date the damn things), US Weekly magazine, that boldly proclaimed that there was some reason why the rich, famous and beautiful were lonely and unloved.

*keys up tinny violin music*

The cover splash had pictures of NotANoseJob, NotADyeJob and NotABoobJob (you decide who belongs with which), and declared for all and sundry that if the rich and famous can't find love than what hope is there for the rest of us. Thanks US Weekly for making the other 90% of the population take a flying leap of the nearest relationship cliff.

I refuse to sympathize with movie stars who can't find love. I'm having a hard enough time finding sympathy for my own poorly managed love life, thank you very much. However, for the sake of being fair (though lord knows that article was already slanted), I paged through the piece to see exactly why the rich, overwhelmed by paparazzi should even deign to get any pity from me because their love life matches my own.

And discovering that like most rich and famous they want to be catered to. There is even a psychiatrist to analyze this behavior. I'm sorry, but having a shrink declare in so many words that a movie star is high maintenance doesn't win them any brownie points in my book. Saying that they're unlucky in love because no man is willing to step up to the plate just further vilifies the men in Hollywood (grow some balls guys).

I've written posts on men not understanding women because they're not sure where their societal role is anymore, or women who overcompensate for the men in their relationship because the typical masculine role isn't being played out in its stereotyped fashion. And at this point I feel like throwing in the towel.

To be honest, the movie stars won't get any sympathy from me because they represent the ideal in this very shallow society we live in. They're beautiful, they have money and they're available. So what's stopping them from being in a relationship? A combo of themselves and the people they want to be with. They're the ideal, but they don't want to believe that someone can want them for just themselves, likewise for the guy approaching them, he doesn't believe he can live up to their standards. For someone like yours truly, who is your average American female I really don't need to see that even being super beautiful, having money and power of your own to boot will exclude you from getting a date, keeping a boyfriend, let alone getting married.

I'd like to believe that I've still got a chance...of course I also believe that its okay to wear white shoes after Labor Day.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. When are we going to stop jockeying for the top dog position and just be a man and a woman trying to fit together in a relationship? Besides if we leave it to the movie stars to show us the way, we'll never get a date, a shag, a marriage or a kid (if you're so inclined), without needing someone else to reassure us that we're fine as we are and we can do bad together or by ourselves.

Let's Call It Off

A few days ago, I went on the worst date of my entire dating career.

This guy had promise. We hit it off on the phone/text/email and I didn't wait too long before wanting to meet him in person.
We're both lacking in funds, so I suggested a walk around my favorite museum, the Hirshhorn. He agreed enthusiastically and I had hope.

To me, museum walking is one of my ways to test the water. If the guy I'm with isn't interested in museum stuff, he's dead to me.

The following is a pretty detailed account of our afternoon in DC:

1pm- I arrive at the metro station, where we are supposed to meet. I receive a text message from the guy saying he was running 20 minutes late. I text him back saying I'll meet him in a building because it's ass hot. He replies "ok, meet me at the crypt." This automatically sends mini terror spasms down my back and I should have just left then. Instead, I made him clarify and discovered he meant the Smithsonian castle.
120pm- I am sitting inside the castle after walking around the mini exhibits inside. He's still not there and I still hadn't heard from him.
1:29pm- get a text from him saying he's still running late, so I decide to call my friend, NotMetal and talk to her for awhile. She cheers me up and we talk about scrambled eggs and Chuck Klosterman.
1:40pm-He finally shows up. Walks up to me outside the castle wearing cheapy reflector sunglasses, a beat up sports team t-shirt, khaki shorts, and sneakers. He looks nothing like I thought he would. (Which is my fault, I know I know)
1:41-1:43pm- En route to the Hirshhorn, he proceeds to point out the fact that I'm dressed all wrong for museum walking, judging by the flip flops, jeans, and black shirt I am wearing. This does not stop him from peering down my low cut shirt nor complaining about it being so hot outside.
1:44-2:something- We get to the Hirshhorn. He insists on walking through the same little section of the spinning door as I do, prompting the security guard to chastize him by saying, "Now, I wouldn't want to leave her side either, but it's one at a time" and prompting him in turn to not his head and guffaw like a redneck. We then go downstairs, where I know the cool tv exhibit is. We entered Black Box and proceeded to watch the carefully crafted videos. It's pretty awesome, especially the video with the Yeti. I look over at one point and he goes "wow, we need to take some E and come back to watch this." I kind of laugh and he goes "no, seriously, i should go find some." I shake my head and ignore him. After the first video, the people sitting to my left get up and move and in the dark, I see an older lady come in, so I offer to move over so she can find a seat closer to the door. I get up and move and try to tell the guy that we should move and he just looks at me, then gives a dirty look to the old lady and finally moves to where I am. Yeah, a dirty look. I sigh and leave the room.
The rest of the Hirshhorn visit was filled with lewd comments about boobs and other genetalia, including him asking me if seeing an artful photograph of a man's penis "turned me on."
2:30ish-the bane of my existence- At this point I tried to make excuses to leave, but he told me that I needed to just go with him to the Native American Museum to check out the guns.
I.love.guns. So I figured I could tune him out long enough to see me some guns, then leave.
Little did I know that he was saving some "big guns" of his own to show me at the museum. He really impressed me with the way he shoved people with kids out of the way to get on the elevator first and how he took his paper fan and quite rudely shoved air in my face while at the same time leering down my shirt again, oh and don't forget my favorite part when I was taking pictures of the coolest exhibit there (i HATE the native american museum, it sucks. I'm not talking content-wise, some of the artwork is amazing, but the design of the museum is awful and they sure as hell didn't have much to show for years and years of history), the Day of the Dead stuff, when a tour guide and her company came up and the lady started talking loudly through a headset/microphone. This set my date off and he started complaining loudly about how rude it was that the lady was being so loud. He sounded like a little kid!!!

After this I practically ran to the metro. Along the way we passed a guy selling water for $1, of which guyiwaswith gulped down as though I wasn't even there, then we passed two guys calmly passing out information about their religion, which pissed guyface off so much he started yelling at them. We got on the metro and I was silent the entire time. We got to his stop, I half waved, and he got off.
Leaving all of his garbage on the seat next to me.

I haven't talked to him since and I've actually decided I'm pretty happy being single right now. It may be a few more weeks before I get back on the horse, well, at least until I take a guy to a museum anyway...