Shake a Tailfeather

I'm an internet junky and one the things I read a lot of are blogs about hair.

Of which this is not one. However, occasionally the blogs will pos something that is not hair related at all. Like this: sending a man a drink at a bar.

When I think about all of the bold things I've done to get a man's attention and keep it, the idea of paying for a drink and sending it his way doesn't come to mind, but why not? I'm bold, I look hot, I make eye contact, I put tick marks in all the boxes of the things that a bold woman would do, except this.

Sad to say I've not had a drink purchased for me in a while, in part because the crush of bodies at the bars I do happen to frequent doesn't lend itself to that and in part because I haven't been to a bar in a while.

I think that needs to change. Maybe I need to find better bars to go to, but to do that I would have to be willing to go to ANY bar. In the current state of dating, I think it's important to stand out from the crowd. Even looking different is no longer enough.

In a sea of birds of all different colored feathers the one that stands out is the one who steps in front of the crowd. I challenge my readers to be bold in their dating, to push beyond that status quo of boldness. Find ever more things that set you apart and don't be afraid to call the bartender over and send that guy you're eyefucking a refill on his Side Car or microbrew.

NotSamantha

Take A Hint

What I wanted to say was, "Actually, you can't take a hint!"

Let's back up:

Three Days Ago...

NotMiranda and I went to one of our favorite bars that happens to be about 40 minutes away. We always have high hopes of flirting with cute guys with accents while there, but have fun even when that doesn't happen. Well, this time it happened. Oh boy did it happen.

We had been there for a bit and were maybe three drinks in when NotMiranda teased a man standing nearby for drinking a sissy drink. That led to about an hour or so of fun conversation that you'd expect at a bar where three adults are drinking. Except for our round of "Ask questions!" we partook in, I said or did nothing that led this man on. He asked for my phone number and as we exchanged those, I said I would let him know the next time we were out that way (Ya know, in a friendly way). There was no hug goodbye...no touching at all. No promise to go out with him.

The next morning he called me. And early.

That afternoon he texted me. So I wrote back and also said it was nice meeting and I would let him know the next time we went back to the bar.

And he wrote back asking me out. Or more, "Let me know if you'd like to go out." To which I replied, "I will...talk to you later."

Then a day or two later I get another text inviting me to the bar and I say I can't get out that way on work days. At this point I am trying to be nice, but not lead him on like I am going to go out with him later.

Then he asks me out for a specific date and time. Oy.

I don't like turning people down. It's really difficult for me, but at this point I had to. I can't have this bar be off limits because I am avoiding some guy. So I replied and made a joke (because that's very "me") and said no thank you, but I would let him know when we're back out that way.

Annndddd he replied saying, "Don't worry, I can take a hint."

Really? Can you?

Why is this so difficult? I feel like I was unjustly put in the position of having to be blunt. If I had been drunk and touchy at the bar then yes, I would understand the persistence, but I wasn't! I've learned the hard way not to lead guys on in a bar because it might end with you having to get the eff out of the situation, but I did not lead this guy on. I guess I'm annoyed that I was put in the position of having to step outside my comfort zone and deal with this.

~NotCarrie

Mr. No Name

I have a good story to tell you, but before I do that, I have to tell you about this guy I met. Er, sorta met. Okay, I have no idea what his name is, but I totally have a crush on him.

He was buying a CD by a band I totally love. I immediately imagined us listening to it as we dozed on the couch. And then he inquired about the soundtrack to Blue Valentine and I couldn't stop myself and told him that I am so excited to see that movie. He agreed and asked if it's playing around here yet. I said that it's only in the city and he made the same face I did about that. Then we talked about the controversial NC17 rating that was knocked down to R.

I made my friend follow to see if he was alone and he was. I wish I had known that while I was talking to him. I have had some awkward moments flirting with guys who have girlfriends. I would like to avoid the scary girlfriends.

I hope I see him again. He was tall, with dark hair. Our babies are going to be so cute.

I Will Begin Again

I rang in the New Year standing on the side of a bridge built in the 1600s.
I watched fireworks light up the night sky, all set off by amateurs.
I was surrounded by people I recognized from my many jaunts down the cobble stoned main street of the town I live in.
I kissed 6 different guys between 0000 and 0030. Three were American. Two were German. One was Greek.
I drank 4 car bombs and a lot of Hefeweisen.
I paraded down the street with group of unnamed people at 0300 that didn't want to go to bed so soon.
I spent the wee morning hours of January 1, 2011, getting laid by a scruffy Scotsman in a hotel, whose windows overlooked the very same old bridge I was near at midnight.
I still can't remember his name.

The first few hours of 2011 set off a new path in the direction of NotCharlotte's world. This year has a lot of potential.

Group Of Unmarrieds

Every once and awhile my single friends and I will wonder, "Why are so many of us single in our group?" And it's true. Save for a few, the majority of us are unmarried and really, there aren't many of us even dating anyone.

So why is that? What makes us different and why do we seem to have found each other in friendship?

I was thinking about this the other day and went about it scientifically. Okay, more like observationally, but I want this to sound researched and sound.

First I compare myself and my friends to other groups that do have mostly hitched members and thought that maybe other groups are more attractive than we are. Well, no...that's not it. For one, what is attractive differs for each person. Also, none of us are ugly nor do we smell or make weird faces. So looks can't be it.

Is it because we don't date a lot? I will readily admit that I am not a dater and most of my friends are not either. But then I thought about a few of my friends who are always dating and trying out new guys and they're not married either so that can't be it. The number of boyfriends one has had seems to make no difference as to the likelihood of being hitched now.

Is it because we never go out and are hermits in our houses and apartments? Oh wait, that's not true. We all go out a lot. We all have hobbies and social lives that put us out there quite often.

So WHAT is it that makes a person or a group of people less likely to be married by the time they're 25-35? And why do we all seem to be friends with each other?

NotCarrie

Snuggle Buddies

I know NotMiranda has remarked on this before (maybe on Twitter?), but when the temperatures drop, it just seems so much more romantic to snuggle up with someone else. This past summer was particularly brutal and I for one was not usually in the mood to get up close and personal with anyone unless I was hiding out in the AC.

But now is the time of cozy sweaters and beautiful Christmas trees. Of fireplaces in use and kitchens that smells of baking cookies. This is the time for falling in love. Don't walk around too bundled up. Be sure to make eye contact and smile at the people you see. You never know when love will happen and you don't want to be hiding in your scarf, right?

Love and Kisses,

NotCarrie

Unflushable

I have an unflushable.

Don't know what an unflushable is? Well get thee to the first episode of the British sitcom “Coupling.” Basically, an unflushable is a relationship where you try to get out of it, but the other person refuses to be broken up with. With NotAFreak, I have tried three times to break up with him. I've sort of succeeded once, but I went to give back his things and in the process ended up back together with him.

No one is more confused than I about this.

Hardly Worth It

So this weekend I hung out with an old friend from high school. I thought it was just going to be the two of us, with a couple of my guy friends thrown in for good measure, reminiscing over the good times over some good German schnitzel and beer.
Boy, was I sadly mistaken.
A few weeks ago I had an unfortunate hookup with a guy that was also friends with this girl from high school. Only, these two had dated. Not only dated, but were together while deployed. Not only this, but she "cheated" on him with her ex boyfriend, a guy that I had set her up with a long time ago, via email/skype/im/whatever, broke up with her battle buddy, and proceeded to marry the guy I set her up with.
This should have ended things, right? As in, she broke his heart, he never wants to talk to her again, right?
This guy is now stationed where I am and when my friend said she was visiting, I asked her about inviting him. She said her husband didn't want her talking to him, so I said "hey, no problem, I won't invite him to our plans."

Cut to last Friday. I was at the train station at 6pm, when she said she'd be there. I get a text from this guys' phone saying "I'm going to be late." First thought was "creepy, I didn't invite him anywhere." Then it hit me. He was with her. I finally reach her via his cell phone and she said they haven't even left yet. She is stationed about an hour from me, meaning she would miss the dinner reservations I had planned, as well as a good portion of drinking we were about to do. Not only that, but she was somehow with this guy, even though her husband didn't want them together.
Something felt fishy to me. I told them I'd just meet them at our old high school bar and went on with my plans with the guys.
When we finally met up, it was obvious to me that something was up. He wouldn't leave her side, he wouldn't let her pay for anything, he kept "moonily" staring at her. This dude was totally still in love with her and she didn't have the balls to tell him to back off.
This annoyed me to no end. Not because I had feelings for him. Quite the opposite. I consider him my first "one night stand," even though we didn't have sex, and I quite honestly didn't want to see him again.
This behavior lasted all night long. We ended up all crashing at my house, staying up until 6am. When we finally woke up around noon, I came downstairs to find the two of them sitting together on the couch, with him rubbing her feet like she was some Arabian princess. I'm sure her husband would have loved that.
I ended up making an excuse to not hang out with her for the rest of the weekend. I didn't want to be subjected to the obvious flirting going on between a married woman and her ex boyfriend. I didn't quite know how to react to the first night, so I'm sure after a few more hours of this stuff, I would have blown a gasket.
I truly hope nothing happened between them. The guy she is married to is one of the most awesome guys I know. I just don't understand how some people can be so clueless.
Sorry this post is a random mess, I'm still pretty upset about the whole thing and trying to wrap my head around it just makes me feel sicker than i already am.