Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Your Eyes Open

This morning, whilst making my delicious bakery items, I became privy to the following conversation that occured between my favorite coworker (NotTuesdays) and another coworker that we could take or leave (NotTall):

NotTuesdays: So NotCharlotte, yesterday I had an intersting conversation with NotTall about you yesterday.
Me: Oh really?
NT: Yes, really. We were talking about my work schedule and I said something about how much I love working on Tuesdays with you and he stops what he's doing and gets a far off look in his eyes. He goes 'Man, that NotCharlotte. She's got the most captivating eyes. If she were a little bit older, or I were a little less taken...'
Me: *abah* whaaat? How old is he?
NT: I think he's around 39. He kept talking about your eyes and how much he likes your laugh and how you're always happy and so fun to be around.
Me: *speechless*

This was all very flattering, but honestly, I didn't expect this coming from a man that I consider old enough to be my... older uncle. He's always complimenting me on my eyes, but I didn't know it was that intense of a "like." I'm not sure if I should be flattered about this or slightly creeped out. Those are perfect words to be said about myself, I only wish they could have come out of someone else's mouth...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Different strokes

Have you ever wondered why conversations had while intoxicated are sometimes the most enlightening? I got tipsy on Saturday night in honor of NotCharlotte's birthday, and somewhere between the hours of 3:45 am and 6:00 am I got drunk. Pool having been played and the bar long closed, we settled onto NotSamantha's couches and continued a more laid back version of the party. What I recall of the conversation NotGraceful and I had blows my mind. Somehow we wound up on the topic on the female orgasm. I don't know how we got there, and I don't recall every word exchanged. What I do remember is that NotGraceful asserted the belief that all women required the exact same thing (i.e., method) to bring them to orgasm and that, if a woman didn't orgasm, it was her own fault. Things that came out of his mouth included something to the effect of there only being so much he could do. NotCharlotte says I got a bit heated at this point and began arguing vehemently that each woman was different and what works for one may not work on the next. I must have gotten some of my points across because toward the end he conceded (and I agreed with) that a woman should be up for helping a man figure out what to do.

Moral of the story: Women are not all the same, and simply going with standard operating procedure is not always good enough.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Philosophical Friday

Since I am a dork (and am told so often, ahem), I just had the briefest of thoughts about a correlation between the amount of beauty sleep I will get tonight and the number of guys I will encounter in a favorable manner tomorrow while me, NotMiranda and NotCharlotte are hanging out. And now, so you don't think "encounter in a favorable manner" means something whoreish, I just mean flirting and stuff and having fun. Just encountering new people and being open, friendly and inviting. LMNT said it much better than I ever could and it's a philosophy I need to not only believe in, but live by. So, even though I'll be running on fumes tomorrow from a lack of sleep, I'm going to face my entire day with the optimism that it could be the day I meet my next friend...or boyfriend...or whoever. It doesn't matter who, it's just about taking more in. I'm excited for tomorrow. Er, today. (Friday!)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Secret agent girl

I’m a voracious reader. As of late, my knowledge of books with naughty passages is being put to the test by a certain someone as we play a game of cloak and dagger around the city. Yesterday I found myself tucked into a quiet corner of a nearly deserted bookstore as I thumbed through Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage in search of page 147 and a special message for me. My cheeks burned a vibrant red as I felt myself getting excited by the story unfolding on the page. A smile slowly crept up as I spied the note meant for me. You are a dangerous but delightful flirt. Dangerous indeed.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Random Kisses

I placed an unofficial moratorium on random kisses awhile back when I guess I was either feeling specific about certain people or just that such randomness wasn't my thing anymore. Kissing people who weren't on my romantic radar just seemed like an "early-twenties" thing I didn't want to do anymore.

Well, alert the media because I'm lifting this self-imposed idea for now. And who let me be such a stick in the mud about it all anyway? I'll rethink my personal position on random kissing after I get my next kiss in, but just like a heroin addict and his next fix, do you really think I'm going to quit after one? It's just been way too long.

So guys, go ahead and line up. Nice and orderly, please. I recommend Orbitz's new Mint Mojito gum if you're unprepared and try to keep your hands PG13, please. We're not making a porno here.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Screw the Boyfriend, I just want someone to dance with...

I love to dance.

No seriously, I do.

And my favorite type of dance is latin. Doesn't matter which; Salsa, Tango or Merengue, I love them all. There are others, but for me, those are the only ones I can spell...that is unless I spelled merengue wrong. I've decided that in this mess of wanting (and for some needing) a boyfriend, I just want someone to dance with. Someone, who isn't afraid to get on the dance floor and shake his, hopefully with some rhythm, booty. It doesn't hurt that he'll be holding me in his arms either.
And right now that's all I want. Today, I feel like my wants and needs are simple, uncomplicated and easy to meet. So what about you?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Paper Shoes

I enjoy making lists. It's something I do on a daily basis. One reason could be that I just like seeing the way my handwriting looks on post-its, but usually it's because I have a problem with my short term memory. Just the other day I was at my bakery job, standing next to the oven, when I decided I needed some baking sheets. I walk from my station over to where the trays are, about 5 feet, get there, and completely forgot what I went over there for. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers saw what I was doing and ridiculed me relentlessly until I remembered that their first concert was MC Hammer and said "Break it down: woah woah, woahwoah woah woah" and did the running man.
This evening I received some unfortunate news about NotGraceful and realized that not only was he an asshole, but that everyone of you that commented on my previous blog was correct in your assumptions about him. I started feeling bad about myself, embarrassed even that I had been so stupid and that I still have to see him with the knowledge that we hooked up and that it was just "friends with benefits" kind of stuff.
Although I never commented back to any of you, I'd like to thank you all for your insight. It's funny that sometimes complete strangers know more about your real situation than you do.

In my bout of self-pity pouting, I started to make a list of reasons that I would be a bad girlfriend. Here is what I came up with:
1. I require sleep and food at regular intervals. If I do not get either a nap or a snack in after a long day at work, I will be pretty grumpy.
2. I have a penchant for 80s music, specifically Journey, Foreigner, Europe, and Def Leppard. I have no idea why, but "Final Countdown" is the best song to sing at loud intervals while doing just about anything, including but not limited to driving from Fairfax to Springfield, making fruit tarts, or eating at Fridays with a big group of people.
3. I make unnecessary sound effects. A lot.
4. I watch Food Network like it's my job. And then I talk about it when I'm not watching it.
5. I speak German fluently. Apparently to some men this is a turn off because it reminds them of someone hacking up a hairball while trying to drink soup simultaneously.
6. I don't like watching sports on television, however if I am at a live sporting event I automatically turn into a fair weather fan.
7. I am an avid text messager. If you can't respect the text, then I can't respect you.

These facts are sad, but 100% true.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Reporting In

I've already heard from a few of you about some dates being set up, which is so exciting, and I hope you all keep in touch with us and let us know how the Auction Aftermath is going. Because, if you will remember, if any of you hit it off, you have us to thank and we expect to be invited to the nuptials. I won't wear a pastel dress, though, so plan accordingly.

Please report in and let us know what you and your date decide to do. And if you're worried about us stalking you, tell us after-the-fact. That's fine...we are always looking for new things to do and date ideas would be much appreciated. Some ideas I've heard thrown around for the DC area are Lucky Strikes, The Black Cat for a show and/or drinks, grub at a restaurant, etc.

If you don't want to put your date details in the comments section, feel free to email me. And if you're really feeling it, let me know if we can ask you a few questions after the big night. Wouldn't that be fun!?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

She Works Hard For The Hotty*

Usually when I am at the ol' part time job I can be a total Debbie Downer, but with my reminder to myself to be more positive in negative situations, I have taken to creating things to look forward to. Lately it has been the increase in eye candy in the store and when stuck in a place for 8 hours, there's nothing better than something good to look at. (Well, one thing better would be to be sent home but still paid.) And holy hell have there been some fine, young gentleman in there lately!

+ UK Pants Guy- This is a regular and yes, he has an accent. NotMiranda actually got the ball rolling with him by commenting on said pants. I just hope he doesn't keep wearing them everyday in hopes that we will comment again. We do like other articles of clothing, too.

+ Knit Cap Guy- I wonder if you noticed when I looked deep into your eyes as you told me what you wanted. Connection-did you feel that? Please come back. I know what you'll want next time;)

+ Hot, Charming, Coworker- Oh wait, an empty category. I have high hopes for new hires.

+ Tall Guy With Too Short Girl- Dump her. She's too short and you're going to hurt your back bending over so far to speak loudly so she can hear you. I'm more on your level.

+ Randoms- Come back soon, please. So far you have just been blips on the radar, but if you come back, I promise you a nickname and some eyelash batting.

*So bad. I know.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

The results are in

This morning I felt like one of those accountant guys from the Oscars as I reviewed the results of the first ever Not Girls Charity Auction. Instead of sealed envelopes, I sent missives via email. Fun!

The Retropolitan was right. All told, we raised $871 for V-Day. Our maximum bid total was $990, so if any of you ladies are feeling generous and feel like donating your maximum bid, feel free to go to the payment site and do so for V-Day.

Thanks so much to all who participated!! You guys (and girls) were awesome! I hope you had as much fun as we did.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Rounding the bases

Alright, we're entering the home stretch and hoping for a final HUGE push!!! We are roughly 13.5 hours from the close of the auction, and there are still plenty of bids left to be made. Not single, consider purchasing a date for your closest single friend. You give to charity...you give to your friends...what a giving person you are!

Friday, January 12, 2007

But He Fought A Bear!

If you're living in the Windy City and aren't looking forward to your weekend forecast of cold and snow, distract yourself by bidding on Tristan of Bend It Like Assclown. I can personally* vouch for him being a great guy who will no doubt make you laugh and will also be able to maintain good conversation about a number of subjects. And he's tall!

Come on Chicago, REPRESENT!!!!!!!

*Ha, my use of italics made that sound kind of suggestive.


Ever think about cuddling on the couch with a pair of nice strong arms around you? Look no further than Tice. Not only do his arms make you melt, but he's a super nice guy who is really into movies and philosophy.

Want to make this real-life "Luke" yours? Bid on Tice!!!


Let's hear it for Theo! (Right about now I'm hoping he really is laid-back and relaxed since I'm totally pimping him out right now in the interweb.)

How can you resist a man who not only has a cat on his shoulder in his pic, but loves "driving fast on a curvy back road"? That's hott, right?

Go bid! And to clear up any confusion, bidding ends tomorrow night.

Stamina Man

In our auction, he's known as Rob but all you faithful bloggers out there know him as Hagrin. Ignore the unitard* in his photo, this funny, sweet New Yorker wants your bids!

*He's training for a marathon...this means stamina, ladies.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Here's The Deal

Brian, do not fret. You are not actually at zero bids. As a few of you have found out, the auction page won't let you bid on Brian because he doesn't have a picture there. NOT TO WORRY, you can email your bids in and we will just have to keep you updated on that here. I believe he is at $10 right now? I will have to double check, but I know he's not at zero. Noone is.

It's been a great day of some intense bidding, but we're not even halfway there yet! The auction will close at midnight on Saturday and since tomorrow has to be payday for a large majority of you chicas out there, I expect to see even more action on the bidding site tomorrow. So get some rest, get some money and bid on these guys! Keep spreading the word, too. We're not just in DC for this thing, we've got Chicago, Oxfordshire, Arkansas, California, Georgia, and Oregon with representation.

Happy Bidding!

Bid Wars

Ladies, head on over to The Not Girls Charity Auction and pick up a man in the name of charity. Get your bid on!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I never promised you a rose garden

This is going to be a long post, and you probably won’t read it. I don’t really care. I’m writing this for me because I have to get it all out somewhere. This is 6-8 months worth of posts, people. This is the story of NotGeorge.

Maybe you’ll recall several months ago that NotGeorge appeared on my list of crushes. What started out in a “typical” blogger relationship, reading each other’s posts and commenting, developed into an online friendship. We began instant messaging each other and talking on the phone. There would be times I’d look up at the clock and realize we had been talking for 6 hours without pause. When a bottle of wine was involved, we would jokingly refer to these as “dates”. There was the obligatory exchange of pictures and my declaration that we were just friends. Still, there was minor flirting on both parts, and he wormed his way in. My crush developed. This is someone I would talk to every day. He got in, made it past my firewall.

There were warning signs that I think I wanted to ignore. Despite the flirting, this was no relationship. He made mention of other women, and I was busy kissing him and him. Eventually the inevitable happened, and a job interview brought him to DC and a weekend with me. As it got closer and closer to our actual meeting, I confessed I had developed a bit of a crush and was tired of hearing of these other potential women, particularly the body builder*. We had what I think was a frank discussion on the potential chemistry we may or may not have, and I began to get nervous about actually meeting him.

Meeting any fellow blogger for the first time is unnerving, but imagine meeting one you had developed a bit of a fondness for. I felt like I was being forced to take a midterm I couldn’t study for. Waiting to face someone at the airport who is supposed to stay with you for the next four days is unnerving. Oh wait, did I say supposed to stay with me? The first wrench in what could have been a smooth meeting was tossed in by me. Circumstances outside of my control dictated that he couldn’t stay at my apartment, so rather than tell him about it in advance, I arranged other accommodations. This is not the kind of information to wait to impart to someone you just met and that has just stepped off an airplane. It’s something I’m still living down.

Once we got past the fact that he would be staying in a motel, the weekend went ok. I was definitely a bundle of nerves that first night, but the first full day was better. After his first round of interviews, we met up for some legal reception and later his friend for drinks. Alcohol definitely helped the cause, putting everyone more at ease. Honestly, at this point I was still trying to figure out if we had “it” but was thinking maybe we did. Nerves made my emotions so difficult to sort out.

That night I stayed at the motel with him, and talk about awkward. I had no idea what to do with myself (no…not like that). I was supposed to be the aggressive one. That’s the way our online conversations played out, but how can you be sexually aggressive with someone you’ve just met. I guess you can’t really if you’re me. What ensued was quirky at worst, sweet at best. There was the back scratching thing**, the minor wrestling thing, and the cuddling/spooning/trying to sleep thing.

Stress levels were back up the next day because my birthday party was that night, and he was going to meet a good number of my friends, including all of the Not girls and some of the characters like NotGraceful*** and NotBeast***. To keep this as short as possible, let’s just say that on my birthday I got drunk, became obsessed with NotSamantha’s flogger and made a number of sloppy passes and the statement, “I don’t want to want you.”****

I woke that Sunday morning to be told that he was glad I (the sober, sane one) was back and that he had started not to like me last night. Despite hearing I’d made such an ass of myself, what ensued was an endearing day of napping and talking on the couch with some Amazing Race that night. At one point, NotGeorge shoots me a look and when asked what it was for, he says he is considering jumping me. When I ask why he doesn’t, the subject is changed. A bit later I look at him and tell him I want him to kiss me. His response is that part of him wants to kiss me, too. I ask about the part that doesn’t and what ensues is a confusing conversation about his being afraid if we took that next step we’d eventually lose the friendship and closeness that we have. In spite of the conversation, kissing did occur, and I’m really having a hard time describing it. Was there the chemistry that told my brain I’d die if he ever stopped kissing me? No. It was nice…and sweet…and I could have gone on kissing him for a long time. However, I sensed him holding back.

As I was driving him to the airport the next morning, I had wrapped my mind around the fact that we were destined for friends-only territory and had already decided it would be a goodbye hug at the airport. And then he kisses me goodbye. When I return the kiss somewhat platonically, his response is, “that’s all?” We kiss again with a bit more passion, and I say something about the fact that I think I’m going to miss him. I surprise myself by shedding a tear as I drive away.

At this point, I’m completely confused and becoming a total girl. Wtf? Are we friends? Are we more than friends? Rather than confronting this issue head on, I do what any girl would do…I analyze…and analyze. He’s back at home and things go somewhat back to normal. I think that perhaps I’ll see him when I go home for the holidays and things will get sorted out then. In the meantime, we continue to chat online and on the phone.

Flash forward a couple of weeks, and I get an email asking if I would be willing to drive from Austin to San Francisco with him and help him move after Christmas. Always up for an adventure, I agree. In a follow-up email, he writes this (among other things):

“We could spend a romantic new year’s eve in some motel! J”

What? Was he joking? My stomach flipped a little and the girl in me thought maybe. The warning signs were still there, though. I should have been taking off the rose-colored glasses and busting out a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. There were comments like, “I wish I had a girlfriend to…” I knew clarity had to be gained on the road to San Francisco.

(This post is really too long. Sorry!)

So, two weeks ago I travel to Austin and set out to help this man move from Austin to San Francisco and see a little bit of the country in the process. Moving is stressful, but it’s been a while since I’ve fought with someone as much as we bickered at the beginning of that trip. He would get frustrated and bark at me, putting me on edge and making me get snippy back. We weren’t communicating or were (quite literally) not hearing what the other person was saying. I sobbed that first night after a misunderstanding***** that had us sleeping in separate cars at a truck stop in Van Horn, TX.

On the road the next day, I knew we needed to talk (and soon). I, at least, had to clear up the whole relationship issue. That night we stopped for sushi in Phoenix, and I decided to strike******. I brought up the airport and explained how it completely threw me, how I had been ready to be ok with friends and that it made me think and hope there was something more. He reasoned that (1) it was just a kiss; (2) after such an intense weekend, it had felt appropriate; and (3) he had also been a bit confused at the time. I think I made it clear that I don’t kiss my friends or sleep/cuddle with my friends. I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped when he responded by saying if he had wanted to be more than friends, he would have felt me up. Hmmm…insulted. This was turning into a positive trip. Once back on the road, I kept thinking I should cry, that I should be more upset. It didn’t happen though. Maybe the stress of our arguing had drained me of any emotion. Maybe I just wasn’t that into him. I don’t know. That brings us to this post.

(This is where I play amateur psychologist.)

There was more tension, more stress, but things did get better, especially once the moving and unpacking were done. We were more open about what frustrated us in the other. The days that followed were sightseeing and domestic errands. It’s odd how quickly you can lull yourself into a routine. I found myself developing a deeper bond of friendship with him through everything we had gone through. There were moments like New Year’s Eve when I wanted to kiss or walking down the street when it would have been nice to hold hands, but in general, it moved beyond that. On the way to the airport on Thursday, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying, managing not to cry until I was on the plane. While I had wanted to bail at different points in the trip, I was truly sad to go home. Leaving was hard, and it’s up to me to figure out why. Why did I feel a little incomplete that first day back? Why am I not angry at some of the things he said or the way the situation turned out? Why does a small part of me still want to make out with him?

*His story, not mine.
**His story, not mine.
***Both of whom happen to be in the charity auction.
****I did want to want him. I just didn’t want to want him if he didn’t want me.
*****The misunderstanding wasn’t the cause of us sleeping at a truck stop, but I don’t want to write the sentence differently.
******So the wrong word, since it took me forever to get out, and I basically reverted back to my 12 year old self.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Renew Years

While I was traipsing across the country this past week, plans were being hatched to redo New Year's Eve with me present. So, feet firmly planted on the ground in Virginia, NotCharlotte, NotCarrie and a host of other characters whisked me off to the quaint town of Fredericksburg to a bar that feels like home. What transpired was truly another quintessential "Fred" night. We quickly picked up a couple of guys to add spice to the evening and hopefully provide the midnight kisses for our "renew" year's celebration. One was a friend of NotCarrie's, NotDreds, and the other we'll call NotShy. NotShy quickly ingratiated himself to the Nots by telling us how hott we were and offering to round up a bevy of boys for our choosing. Unfortunately, NotShy proceeded to hit up the sketchiest of patrons as we tried to shrink into the shadows. Several drinks later, NotShy still continued to entertain us by dancing, taking our pictures, etc. Things got hilarious when he hung a dollar out of his pants and told me it was my mission to find someone to get it. I'm such a bad friend because the first thing I did was gesture to NotCharlotte and tell him I'd try the blonde. Turns out NotCarrie isn't that great of friend either because we both hazed NotCharlotte until she used her pearly whites to grab that dollar. Yes, I did catch it all on film. NotShy must have suffered from some kind of Cinderella syndrome though because he completely disappeared a few minutes before the witching hour. Seriously, he vanished. Was he a figment of our hyped up imaginations? Perhaps he was just bummed he lost his last dollar to NotCharlotte.

Want to find someone new to celebrate your own Renew Year's with? Want to help out a worthy cause? Bid on one of our eligible bachelors in the first Not Girls Charity Auction. Browse the goods here*, and come back January 11-13 to put your money where your mouth is.

*Like the site? It's all the handy work of Dan. Web designers turn you on? He's up on the auction block on come January 11!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Secret Sharer

I've been hooking up with NotGraceful for the past 2 months. Since our fateful night at the Halloween party, we've discovered more of each other than sequins on David Bowie's pants. These are all alcohol-induced hookups, which makes me realize that perhaps there's nothing to them. Of course, me being a girl, I've been tending to think otherwise.

How is someone to know the status of a hookup? Are there rules? Am I, for example, expected to "forget" each night and treat each new one as just that? It's very hard to do that when both parties remember what the other one likes.

I wish I could go into more detail, but I'm not, for fear that he reads this. If that's the case, then so be it. Let's figure this out, either way, so I can stop overanalyzing it.

Readers, I need advice.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Creating Opportunities For Love

A friend of mine has a 2007 goal to fall in love. My first thought was You can't make someone fall in love with you, but then I thought Why not? It's not about taking over someone's mind and forcing them to have feelings for you, it's about making things happen, which TA-DA, is one of my things to remember to do this year.

For example, how likely is it to fall in love while sitting at home watching Netflix movies? Hmmmm, not very likely, eh? How likely is it to fall in love while being antisocial at a party? A little more likely only because other people are involved, but how many guys want to talk to the girl in the corner?

I think the 2007 Fall In Love goal is completely feasible if looked at from the mindset of creating the opportunites to fall in love and for others to fall in love with me. I think it's about being out there and being myself and being absolutely fabulous. Who wouldn't want to fall in love with me? I just need to give them the opportunity!

I love 2007 already!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Hello, Two Double Oh Seven

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, but since this is my alter-ego of sorts, I'm going to make some. New Years Eve was a lot of fun and since I know you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to know what happened I'll tell you. I didn't have a kiss as hott as some recent years, but I'm not complaining about the cheek kisses I did give and receive. I also had a lot of fun and woke up the next day feeling okay both physically and emotionally as I knew I had not done anything to be embarassed by. And isn't that just as good as kissing some strange person? I mean, even better. Ha!

Onto the things I would like to keep in mind in Two Double Oh Seven:

1. Not that I get a lot of date invitations, but I want to be more open to the idea of new people.I think I am definitely the type to build a relationship from a friendship, which is something I should probably expand upon. There are gazillions of people out there and I need to not be afraid of encountering them in a romantic setting.

2. I don't want to let other people's negative moods to affect me. Sometimes it's like a club to join or something, but it's more important for me to remain positive. I'm an optimist, I really am. No negativity!

3. Floss more.

4. I won't wait to see what happens. I will try my best to make things happen.

5. I will not come home from my cousin's wedding without finding a fiance of my own.

Okay, kidding on #5. I might add to this later, but this is my concise list for the moment. Things to keep in mind.