Friday, June 30, 2006

Can't Romance On Demand

Lately I've fallen into this weird, "I need a boyfriend" mindset where every situation seems like it would be better if I had one. I've never been like that but I think I got caught up in mixing up "needing" and "wanting". I think it's fine to want a significant other but needing one? The only things I need are food, water, shelter, and maybe chapstick.) (Back the basics, eh?)

So in honor of this, and since summer is the perfect time for cheesy pop songs, I bring to your attention Natasha Bedingfield's current hit, "Single":

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I love the, "I'm single (Right now)" part, haha.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

But Girls Don't Use The Loo

I had to laugh at myself when I just avoided walking by NotTaylor on my way back upstairs because I was holding toilet paper. I noticed it was running low so, being the good officemate I am, I ventured downstairs to grab some more rolls. But then, when I saw him, I got immature and shy and decided to take the back stairs up to my desk instead so I would avoid running into him.

I'm such a dork!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Pheromones UP!

There have been some good suggestions given to NotCharlotte on how to let NotElvis know she is interested. Thinking back to my own ways I realized they ran the gamut from emailing to using the kissing approach. My "old" age has me wary of the process of slowly letting him know I like him and using the touching-his-arm technique. Right before my last birthday I got in the "F*&% this, I'm almost ** years old! I can't keep playing these games!" mindset. It just felt dumb for me to wait around for someone to realize I was interested. Now, don't let me kid you, I'm still way too shy to come right out and tell a guy I like him or to even ask him out but at least my realization has me moving in the right direction.

It sucks there can't be a way to let a person know without the potential for embarassment or awkwardness. So my bored mind gets the idea of an auction and the paddles they use (or at least, they use in the movies since I've never been to a real auction to witness this) to show interest in an item and to bid on it. NotMiranda has mentioned before how she wishes we had that texting capability they used to advertise where you could write to someone in close proximity.

Imagine if we had something easy like that. Just something subtle to show interest. Maybe in the future we'll have pheromones we can turn on and off depending on who is around. "Oh, NotEwanMacGregor is around? PHEROMONES UP!" and he won't be able to resist.

Until then though, PLEASE keep those ideas coming, I'm sure we could all use the advice/ideas.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Float On

Rain makes me want a boyfriend.

It's absolutely pouring outside, roads are flooded, it's a bit chillier out than it has been in the past and all I could think about on my drive home from a friends house was how nice it would be to cuddle up with someone and watch a movie.

I have decided to tell NotElvis that I like him, but I'm having trouble figuring out the right approach. NotMiranda has some "Notification of Attraction" cards left, but considering I rarely see him and I'm not even sure if he'd follow email instructions since he isn't an "email person," I'm not sure if it's the route to go.

So here I am, asking you my fellow Not-Followers for advice. How should I go about letting NotElvis know of my attraction to him without it:
a. being weird
b. embarassing the Hell out of me
c. catching the attention of the rest of our coworkers.

Anything at all would help...
for now, I'm off to watch Waiting for Guffman and try to not lament the loss of my "I'm single and happy about it" stance on life.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

What Not To Wear

This past weekend I headed to the ol' stompin' grounds to hit the bar scene with NotSusan, my go-to girl for crazy, night-out antics. We started off at our favorite bar ever, the place where so much has happened and I always look forward to going to.

I knew ahead of time that NotSmellsGood would be around but, unfortunately, he's off the market as his relationship is hitting the multiple years mark and our flirting days are over. It's okay though because except for that one drunken night when I kissed him many, many years ago, nothing was ever going to happen with him. Not that I even wanted it to since he's well, related to NotRoger and what a weird, sick relationship that would be!

NotTownie had also gotten in touch with me earlier in the day to check on my plans so I was definitely looking forward to seeing him. We had a few moments of our usual sexual innuendo-filled conversation but he actually ended up headed home early because he didn't feel well. It's okay though because he made sure to tell me he would be around all summer. Yes!

After getting hit on by a Snoop Dogg look alike with some interesting dance moves, we moved on to our second location to meet up with NotSmellsGood and his girlfriend. This is also where NotDreds met up with us. The second place was better and worse at the same time. I hate going out in the summer because not only does my hair get gross from the humidity but, the bars get so stinking hot! This second place was outside so it did feel a little less stuffy but it definitely wasn't my scene.

The best part of that place, though, was commenting on the other women's outfits with NotDreds. I find it fascinating to find out what guys consider hot or sexy and what they are totally turned off by or find slutty or ugly. I was wearing a black skirt and low-cut, scoop-neck black shirt with just enough turquise peaking through. NotDreds approved but it may have been my hott (NOT-FLAT!) shoes I was wearing. He did NOT like the few girls daringly trying the shorts look and tended to prefer fitted capri pants over the loose ones. He was all over the map with his shirt preferences. I commented favorably on those outfits I found fashionable while he developed no theme to his preferences. His favorite outfit of the Fashion Police session was on the Claire Danes look-alike wearing tight jeans and an even tighter pink lace, sleeveless shirt.

I really want to do more of this and ask more of my guy friends what clothing items appeal to them. It is fascinating to me and I won't stop until I find some rhyme and reason to their choices for "hot". Not that it will necessarily affect how I dress but any peak into that male brain is one I'll take.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The One that Got Away...

In the hopes of not "jumping the shark" as it were, I would like to take a different spin on relationships. Namely, the relationships women have with other women (and no I don't mean in that way you pervert).

When I relocated from Hell (read Richmond, VA), I cut off a few ties I had with people who didn't represent where I wanted to be or who I was trying to grow into. In short I thought they dragged me down and since we hadn't been all that close to begin with, I simply severed the ties completely and burned them at the ends to stop them from growing back when I revisited the ole homestead.

However, one of these ties was just a little bit different. She would be NotBipolar. She and I shared a love of the geekier aspects of my nature and she was someone I could sit down and chat with about my fandoms and not feel like a total trekkie convention reject because she shared similar if not the same fangirl spazziness. However, that was on a good day. On a bad day, she could be counted on to call me constantly, be overly emotional, attack me and others verbally and in short make a total bitch of herself. But I knew and understood that her mental disorder kept her from functioning normally if she wasn't on her meds. I was perfectly happy to accept her as she was and was even understanding of the fact that sometimes taking her meds did her more harm than good.

And then she came to visit me in my newly relocated venue and that changed...

Her visit was unfortunately, on a bad day, and this day also included a run in with NotAStreetcarDesire, who has even less patience than I do for unnecessary shit and annoying people. Did I mention that NotBipolar tended to be on the far side of trying the patience of a saint when not on her meds.


So while I was finishing up a shower NotBipolar came to visit, long story short, she was greeted (I use the term loosely) at the door by NotAStreetcarDesire, who immediately passed judgment that from her dress and looks she must have been a homeless person, which I deeply protested and admitted that she was a friend. Needless to say my sanity was in doubt for a few moments before NotASCD shrugged and went back to what she had been doing.

The visit did not go well to say the least and I ended up telling NotBipolar a lot of the things I had always wanted to tell her, if not for her own sake then definately for my own. She went home that evening I'm sure with two things on her head, 1) She had never seen me so angry before and 2) The friendship as she knew it was over. *snips ties and burns ends in acid*

Fast forward two years to the present.

I got a phone call on Sunday. It was none other than NotBP calling to let me know that she had some news, she had breast cancer.

I asked the questions that I expect most people ask when faced with something like this. "What stage is it?" "Are you going to be doing chemo" "How have you been?" But I couldn't bring myself to reopen that channel of friendship that we had had before. I couldn't bring myself to invite her back into my life or work my way back into hers. And to me that's the saddest part of all because she was the friend that got away and I didn't have the heart or even care enough to pull her back in.

So where does that put me in the human gene pool? I'm sure that by now some of you are either horrified that this is how I acted when faced with someone who used to be a friend or understanding of my place in all this. As for me, I'm not sure, I'm upset somewhat about what I did, but I can't help thinking that I just saved myself a world of hurt by not letting her get to close. This one that got away from me, will unfortunately, have to find someone else to reel her in.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I now pronounce you...

...bride and member of the party.

Last weekend was NotThatYoungAunt's wedding and she did all of the older adults a favor and said no children beyond the flower girl and two ringbearers would be allowed at the reception. *does dance of non-screaming fun at the wedding reception*

But beyond that, it was a weekend to remember. Wonderful flowers (done by the bride herself), beautiful wedding party, NotBettyBoop (my mother) was radiant in her role as the matron of honor, and I stood on the sidelines as a Hostess with four other compatriots and NotVelvetHammer (wedding planner extraordinaire). No tears were shed, but lots of joy was seen. So much so that in the haze of the reception and the highlights of the reception and this past week, I've been contemplating my own NotNuptials...

The Wedding Party
Groom (oh he of the tall in height, nice of butt, etc, etc.)
NotASong (Matron of Honor)
NotStreetcarDesire (Maid of Honor)
five groomsmen

Then after I've dazed out into my wedding party I started on the dress....

Now be honest (or lie if you haven't done this before). What's your fictional wedding party look pics of the dress? Because no matter how jaded I am about the institution of matrimony, there's just something about the ring, and the dress and the hoopla of it all that gets to me...And the tiniest part of me wonders if I should think about dating in a more serious fashion if this is what it will lead too.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Shhh, Here Comes The Bride!

One of the girls in my class is getting married tomorrow but get this, it's a SECRET wedding! She said only about 20 people know and those are the ones who HAD to know. Most everyone else thinks they are attending an engagement party. The groom's mom doesn't even know! (I hope she's laid back!) I think it's such a neat idea and would take so much pressure off of the planning for the couple.

I am supposedly at that age when a lot of my friends are getting married but since graduating college, I've only been to two weddings! And both of those were for super religious girls who were older than me and I think couldn't wait for the sex. (Both are quite happy, though. Don't get me wrong.) So is it just my circle of friends that is full of single people or is it just a growing trend to get hitched later? And I really really really don't want anyone to read single in a negative way. PLEASE don't. I don't consider it negative. (OK, at TIMES I consider it negative but those are extenuating circumstances. Like when I need a date to a work function, or I need someone to kiss, stuff like that.)

OK, the focus of this post went from Surprise Wedding to Clarifications on the word Single. Maybe that should be my cue to stop.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Dating Girl Scout

I'm not talking about an ode to dating purity or anything. What I'm talking about is needing to take up the creed of "always be prepared". I saw him again tonight and found myself caught without some of my key ingredients. Could I really speak to him without any kind of mint or gum to freshen my breath? Why was I lazy this morning and choose to put my hair in a ponytail and forego the makeup? If I had taken an extra five minutes this morning to up my game, I would have been a lot more confident. Luckily, I dipped into the confidence reserves and did what any Not girl would do. I glossed up the lips, shook out the hair and made sure to smile and say hi. I was rewarded with a wink and a head nod.*

So, what's the word Not girls and boys? Always be prepared.

*I consider this a definite positive since I was just walking by as I got off the bus. It's also the first time I've given him any kind of sign since we started running into each other. Hello...remember me? Shy girl?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Non-Date

I, too, went to the movies this weekend and had a wonderful time. I had what was arguably the best time I have had in awhile but maybe that isn't saying much since the past few weekends have been filled with obligations and not as much going out. (Not to take away from the good time.)

From the outside looking in, I was on a hot date that was going really well. To me, and anyone who knows me, I was hanging out with my good (male) friend and having a splendid time in a very platonic way. And while I know it was just a non-date, I thought after the fact about how that is how I would want any real dates to go: casual, easy, fun, full of laughter and inside jokes, decisions made (relatively) easily, shared soda and candy at the all-around enjoyable time.

I even talked to Mr. Non-Date later in the weekend about what kind of relationship I would want with a potential boyfriend. I don't know if it's a reflection of me growing past my college days or just a result of being busy (and therefore tired) with everything but I said how I want a good mixture of Me Time, Group Time (of varying numbers), and BF Time.

Me Time is pretty obvious. It's time where I do what I want, when I want, and where I want. (It would most likely be me laying on a couch and watching One Tree Hill or something on DVD;)

Group Time would be anything from going out to dinner with the chicas to a night of bars in the city and may or may not include the BF. I don't want one of those relationships where the couple drops off the face of the earth because they can't see past their partner. And I've been the third wheel so I never want to create one.

BF Time is obvious, too. Me and him. (REOW!) But the thing about BF Time is that I don't expect or want big productions of fireworks. I would be so content just hanging out and watching a movie or something. Sometimes, I just want to be around someone.

So my perfect non-date didn't spark much new thought as Me/Group/BF Time isn't exactly going to win me "Radical Thought Of The Year" but, it did remind me of how great and balanced things can be. My non-date is exactly how things should be but with any future boyfriends (and not the platonic friends) I do wish for some hardcore making out.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Legal Man

Movie night was fairly successful. I sat next to NotElvis and I SWEAR he kept looking at me throughout the movie. I made him laugh with my comments, which were to interrupt the little shocked noises I made during the "scary" parts. There was minimal arm touching. The next day I found out that he had had a really good time and he was glad the movie was horrible, that way there was more chance to have said fun. A few days before the movie, he told one of my confidants "Yeah, NotCharlotte and I are going to the movies on Friday."

This makes up for what I'm about to talk about.
About a week ago, before I was to depart on a (quite nice) trip, I had to work the late shift at my retail job. I was busily cleaning when this guy comes up and asks me about a travel book. He was cute, tall with dark curly hair below his ears and light brown skin. I didn't think much of him because frankly, he looked too young. So i show him the book. No problem, right?
Well, he comes up to me again and asks for something different. I help him find that, go on my way. He does this 3 more times. On his last perusal of my whereabouts he goes "I'm sorry to bother you again, but would you like to have lunch sometime?"
In my cynicism, the first thing I blurt out is "How old are you?" he replies "20." I go "oh. Are you in school or something?" and he gives the name of a preppy school in southern virginia. I sigh and look at him fumbling with his cell phone. "do you want my phone number or something? i'll go to lunch with you."
So i give him my digits and don't think much of it.
The NEXT DAY, around TEN IN THE MORNING. Guess who calls. Yep, it's him. I don't answer because i was in the shower at the time, but it's him asking me to lunch. I don't call back until Saturday evening, after a few short discussions with NotMiranda about what I should do with the situation. Quite honestly, I wasn't feeling it. So I changed "lunch" to "coffee." He doesn't answer so I leave a message.
He calls me back sometime between Sunday and Monday, but by then I have fully decided that I do not want to date this guy, regardless of his cute factor. So I don't answer my phone.
I also proceed to not answer my phone the next FIVE TIMES he calls me over the course of TWO DAYS. He didn't leave creepy messages, but they were full of indecisiveness and a lot of self consciousness.
I guess I could have taken the high road and answered the phone and let him off easily, but I'm not like that. I've been turned down so many times that I feel bad doing the same to someone else.
I don't need a boy. Like NotMiranda, I need a MAN. And definitely not a stalker...

Friday, June 09, 2006

The beast

I should begin by saying that this post is inspired in part by Velvet's post on metrosexual men. I should also probably warn you that this post will rife with stereotypes, assumptions and will probably offend you.

I'm so over the metrosexual man. I can be a real beast and need a man with the balls and stamina to tame me. Wondering whether the man I'm flirting with is gay is no longer fun or intriguing. First, let's start with an example of NotMiranda's metrosexual man. Consider the following bullet points.

The metrosexual man...
  • spends more time getting ready than I do.
  • always has to check his hair when we pass any reflective surface.
  • cries when those Johnson & Johnson holiday commercials come on.
  • considers the head bop dancing.
  • is unwilling to make a fool of himself for the sake of fun.
  • refuses to kill bugs for me.
  • thinks Taylor from American Idol can sing.

Don't get me wrong...I do want a man with some sensitivity and a kind heart. He just also needs to...

  • have the balls to stand up to me and tell me I'm being a bitch when I am.
  • not be afraid to play a little rough when I want him to.
  • be willing to drop everything and just go at the drop of a hat.
  • consider swearing a creative use of language.
  • stick up for the underdog...even if it means getting all manly and sweaty doing it.

I'm looking for a fictional tv character like Luke or Mr. Big and hope I manage to stumble on something close sometime soon.

Jump The Shark

I know NotMiranda has a post waiting to go up, but with Blogger apparently losing its soul yesterday, and her not having her usually internet connection, I just wanted to get something up here so noone thinks we've jumped ship. Actually, that's a funny idea: When does No Sex And The City jump the shark?

*NotCarrie starts writing about her puppy more than her love life (I don't own a puppy yet (!) but once I do, I can't promise this won't happen)
*NotSamantha goes from talking about vibrators to the batteries that fill them and which are better: Energizer or Duracell?!
*NotMiranda takes to a different kind of calling and starts writing an awful lot about NotJesus. (Is that bad to say? I apologize if so;)
*NotCharlotte really does marry NotHusband and with her new life, leaves the blog for matrimony.

What a funny thought though! Add on your own ideas!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Call Me! (I Love Blondie!)

I am now in possession of NotTaylor's phone number!

I also know for a fact that he is single.

Now, separately these two scenarios would not mean much, but when occurring in the same five minutes? Added together they mean so much more.

First we played the teasing/flirting game of him asking about my phone and me taking his picture with it. He said to send it to my friends and say he's single. I told him I'd save the picture and apply it to represent the work number. But he said, "Put it with my cell phone number, XXX-XXX-XXXX" (which I had to get him to repeat like 4 times because I turned stupid.)

Then, to keep him talking, I said how I remember that he has the separate cell phone plan because he uses it for personal reasons, too. He laughed and said that he used to use a lot of minutes talking to "that girl" but "doesn't talk to her Any More!" He enunciated "any more," I know it.

I already told NotMiranda to not let me, under any circumstances, to drunk dial him. I can not let him get that power over me. The "I know what you did last weekend" power. My job, while very relaxed and cool in some ways, is a bit conservative on the partying front (no booze at Christmas parties, no water cooler talks about bars from the weekend-we save that for emails that get promptly deleted) and while my non-work is mine to live, I don't need it in the office. I'm a "fly under the radar" kind of gal at work so unless he's in on the trouble with me (stolen kisses in a supply closet maybe?) I'm going to continue to lay low.

Friday, June 02, 2006

A Glass of Wine, A Clove Cigarette and me...

I don't usually smoke unless I've had a lot to drink. This keeps me from worrying about the fact that tomorrow my hair will smell like cigarette smoke, which I hate. However, tonight in my melancholy night in, I felt the need for one as I finished off my glass of red wine.

I came back from vacation on Wednesday, glad to have spent the time getting to know some really cool people and really wishing that I hadn't met some of them. And just why do I wish I had never met this really great group...because they were ALL married. And while I wasn't the youngest, I was the only unmarried woman, and this usually this wouldn't make me feel anything other than happy that I wasn't tied to anyone, but this time it made me feel just a little sad that I didn't have someone at home who missed me, or was having a hard time doing something (anything) that I would normally do if I was there. Instead, while they were busy lamenting the spotty cell phone coverage and cheering when they managed to get through for a few moments, I was sitting down with my laptop and bidding on things on Ebay *wonders idly if there are husbands for sale there*.

Hence tonight and the glass of wine and the clove cigarette. I'm reminiscing (read wallowing) in lack of mate hell. Here, I am constantly plagued by the worries of not having that other piece of myself that makes me feel whole. And now hear comes the anger...why should I need another person...why should I have to feel like I have to have a mate to feel complete. Why? Why? Why? Ugh. of all the totally girly and in my opinion overly emotional things to have to deal with, why this.

Looks like I've got a whole lot of "why's" that I need answers to and all thats after it is "z". So off to bed I go.

Working For The Weekend

As I head out of town for the evening, I just wanted to say for everyone to have a great weekend! I hope everyone, especially me (haha), comes back with stories for Monday regaling. The past few (+) weeks have been pretty uneventful for me on the male front which can be good at times but can also be bad. Not having anyone new to think about seems to lead to slipping back to old habits-where habits are guys. People I'm "over" now are reappearing in my mind and I also find myself looking forward to hanging out with old crushes visiting from out of town. Sure, I miss them (as a friend) but a small part of me is also hoping for a little more than just hanging out. I'll let you know how that goes, though.

Tonight I'm headed back to where I lived a few years ago and where a lot of people I know still are. There are also a few of those people I haven't seen in years but am super curious as to how a run-in would go with us. Two people especially with whom things were left a little weird. Basically we just stopped talking, one for vague, various reasons and the other had to do with a fight with a mutual friend. Details aren't important though, I just hope I see them tonight. I will DEFINITELY let you know if I do! I have a hot outfit planned, and my new liquid eyeliner gameplan is sure to up the (maybe I borrow this, NotBarmaid?) eyefucking!
Have a great weekend!