Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Looking for love in all the wrong .coms

I love dating. And with the internet feeding my need for instant gratification I've found internet dating to be the next logical step in finding that special someone. But while I wait for that person to either a) get onto a site, b) check out this blog or c)knock on my front door with a ring, I may as well entertain myself and you with my forays into several of the nets best (or worst, depending on your opinion) sites for meeting people.

1. Match.com - this is the first one I tried. I have two words to say about this site: meat market. While it allows you to do the random search here or there for your potential 'match,' I find that they didn't take have enough variation of answers or people for me. In short, I found most there to be happy and shiny and all others who didn't meet this prerequisite were relegated to the land of no winks.

2. eharmony - Pay you guys for some matches that may or may not come to fruition in the form of a date. Nope, no way, uh uh, forget it. While they claim that they have more marriages than the 'other' sites, I find it hard to believe, and where is the multicultualism on this site. From NotASong, a friend of mine who did try the she did have a few dates, but no sparks as far as I could see. Not a good way to advertise if you ask my opinion.

3. Alt.com - This one I ventured into while working my way through the bdsm universe. I found that while the copious pictures of people seeking people by displaying all their worldly goods was a bit of a shock at first. I quickly got over it and realized that the site doesn't try to hide its sexual side. In fact it encourages it and gives a positive venue, at least as positive as anything you see on the web nowadays, for others to meet others who share the same sexual hungers as others. In short, have a fetish or kink you want to find someone to explore it with, check here.

4. Adultfriendfinder.com - While not as polished as eharmony and not as misleading as match.com, Adultfriendfinder is what it says it is. A way for adults to meet other adults and do the things that adults like to do, unfortunately, the only thing that the adults seem to want to do according to this site is have sex. And while its quite possible to watch movies, have dinner, go dancing or to a concert in between all of the bouts of raucous, sweaty sex they are probably imagining their members having, it should in no way be the main goal. This is the site I've had the most fun with as I've entered the dating scene. The pictures are many, the personal statements are lengthy and it gave me an option to have a spam type filter that keeps all of those who do not meet my requirements that I've clearly listed (yes that means you, you 65 year old gentleman with no hair or teeth), out of my main inbox. Although for kicks I do go into the spam box and read all of the emails from those who just can't seem to understand that I have no desires to date, see or otherwise have anything other than a professional relationship with someone old enough to be my parent.

So is internet dating for everyone? Nope! Is it for me? Maybe. Should I be blasting and telling all about how I feel about the sites I've used on this here blog? Probably not, but then again, this is NSATC and the S or lack thereof is definately what you'll get. And you don't even have to pay for dinner first to get it.



Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

Lately I've been perusing the Onion's personal ads, even going so far as to make a profile.
I got a couple of "winks," and emails, so I've been conversing with a few eligible men... who all happen to be called David. I would give them Not Names, however I don't know if any of them are keepers or what, even, to call them.

I counted them up and realized that in my life, I have had crushes on 5 different Davids. I think it's a sign.
Quite ridiculously, I believe that I will one day have to marry a David.

I don't really have much more to say about this, so I'll move on.

This weekend is going to be very, very interesting. The NotGirls are almost done celebrating their birthdays, with NotSamantha bringing up the rear. In true Not-Fashion, we are not telling her anything about what's going on, and I do believe that's the best route to take.

I can make a few promises though:
Plenty of alcohol will be involved.
As well as cute/hot men.
There will be no strippers (Hey, that was upon her request...)

I do think that NotMiranda has a calling for "Party Planning" in her future... as long as I can help her out ;-)

Monday, February 27, 2006

The Dating Cliffnotes

So while I would love to have the job of interviewing hundreds of men, I just don't have the time (or the patience). Thanksfully, someone else did and I'm hoping their findings help somehow! Even if just for a laugh or two. The following is what I have learned:

1. A date breaker for 59% of men is a woman who lives 50+ miles away. This worries me since my prime "find men" spots are usually 50 miles away. I hope noone I am interested in mapquests my house.

2. 24% of women say they just can't find the right guy or have high expectations. I used to limit myself by having crazy expectations but I think that was a cover up for being shy. I don't have either of these problems anymore. But maybe there should be a section on "convincing the right guy that you are the right girl".

3. 24% of women rely on friends and family to find dates (higher than finding them online or at work) while 18% of men are trying to find women online. Um, isn't this like 2 + 2 equaling cow? And if I'm not trying online dating am I doomed? Should this worry me?

4. It's pretty funny that 78% of women and 71% of men say they never lie. "Hey honey, how much do you weigh?" DING DING DING!

5. As for what is the ideal first date? Both men and women seem to agree that dinner is the way to go. It amuses me that dinner with a movie is a separate option. Like, adding a movie is just 'too much' for that first date. "I'm sorry but dinner AND a movie? We're not married!"

6. This is crazy: a man's first thing they are attracted to with a woman is their physical appearance while a woman first looks for humor. There are almost too many jokes to make here but I have a feeling a facial would be better in the long-run;)

7. And from the Stone Ages: almost half of the women surveyed said they would not call after the first date and expect the man to. Where does texting and email come into play here? I hate calling pretty much anyone so can I really expect someone else to do all of the calling? At a certain point you need to suck it up and just call.

8. S-E-X and when to have it. Roughly the same number of women say in about 1-3 months while men say on the 2nd or 3rd date. I guess we can compromise and spread out the first few dates over a 2 month period. Awesome. "Let's get it ooonnnnn! Ayyyy!"

9. Ok seriously, a woman will have sex after a month but the majority only want a kiss on the cheek after the first date? I mean, if there's a connection on the date I want some lip locking! (Hell, at this point, I don't even require a connection;) Why go through first-date awkwardness if there's going to be no reward at the end of the night.

10. Still don't think I'm ready for internet dating. I followed the links and entered my zip code. Terrified at the number of men with pictures that popped up from my small town, I quickly closed the window and vowed to get out more. (Out, far, far away...like, 50 miles away far!)

Sunday, February 26, 2006

The house of yes

Earlier this week I sent NotGraceful an email laying bare my feelings. I'm tired of all of the shy staring, and it was my hope that this would allow me to be more of myself around him, this boy who stuns me into silence. The email itself was low key. I admited I harbored a crush (duh) and that I got that he may not feel the same. I let him know that I just needed to know that he knew so I could act more normal. I've reached a stumbling block in my quest for normalcy, however. It has been close to a week, and he has yet to acknowledge the email. We've seen each other several times since it was sent, and he has continued to stare and hover. On at least a couple of those occasions he has acted like he has something he needs to say. You know how you can just feel when someone wants to talk to you? By Friday I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, is it too much to expect him to acknowledge receipt of the email? I just want an, "I got your email. Cool," kind of response. Friday we were all at a pool hall for someone's birthday. As NotCharlotte and I were leaving, I leaned over as I was passing NotGraceful and asked when I could expect an acknowledgement of the email I had sent. He gaped...I gave a snide look. I walked out. Still no response.

Pants = Love and how teen movies don't emulate real life...

So, tonight for shits and giggles the Nots decided to do movies in. No men, no makeup (or very little makeup) and no drinks (except Diet Coke for NotMiranda).

There was Chinese food from King Kok (if you don't know you don't know), said teen flick borrowed from NotVisible (my roomie), and giggles had by all.

However, as I watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I couldn't help but wonder about the things that hold our friendships together; be they the things we do, the things we say or as was the case in the flick the things we wear. For the Nots it seems to be our cameraderie with each other and the understanding that most singles and semisingles have about relationships, it plays like a mantra in the background, "don't worry you will get there." And be it in work, relationships or whatever else the world chooses to spit out at us, I keep faith in that.

Friday, February 24, 2006

To Be Myself Completely

Love life lately = sucky.
Potentials = a few.

I have recently received a message from NotSwimmer telling me that this summer there is a decent chance he will be in the Durham/Duke area of North Carolina this summer. He then said he didn't know how far that was away from me. So I told him, just a mere four hours away. He replied "That's a doable distance."

It was hard for me to write back, telling him that he is in fact a "doable distance."

Needless to say, I want the summer to be here, now.

Run Catch Kiss or Catch me if you can...pt 2

What happens when you're tired of chasing or being the one chased and you want to reverse roles?

What if you've decided that you need some closure after you've tried your luck as the dog and got none of the cat and you need to take a step back to reassess?

Or, What if you're the one being chased and you can't figure out how to tell the person who's persuing you that you're just not that into them...at least not into them in that way?

For those of us who try to use the body context clues to give us a hint, if you're not the most forthright to start or the person you're going after is equally inept at relaying their feelings you're probably in the runnings for the frustrated but still pining marathon.

As people I don't think that body signals do enough, I mean if you're just not that upfront in relationships, you'll never be able to get your point across, and if you are the one who's willing to do the confronting, eventually you get tired of doing so and want some reciprocity.

The current modes for communicating this seem to be email or voicemail, both which offer a sort of detachment from the actual issue at hand, and while they don't beat the courage that a certain liquid is known to give, they do give a sense of separation from the issue that allow you to see (or in some cases) hear what you want to say, have it taken down and then have it be relayed to the person you mean it for, of course with this great power comes a great responsibility, namely in the waiting game you're about to play.

My suggestions...I don't have one. *ducks tomatoes and flaming responses* Well I don't, but if you want I could try and make up one. So below find the made up response, that may help someone, and I hope its you.

Whether you're the one chasing or the one being chased remember that you've never liked being left in the dark about what's going on. The same anticipation you used to feel as a kid before Christmas or your birthday, can be directly translated here. You wanted to know what was going on, you desperately wanted to know. And while anticipation makes the best sauce a little hint (peeling the paper back carefully from the meticulously wrapped gift) won't hurt. Besides, give yourself and the person you're chasing some credit for not being a total jerk, anf if they don't get it or they don't like the way its handled...well, maybe they weren't really what you were looking for anyway.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Royally used

Fight or flight...our survival instinct can give us a competitive edge in life and romance. What happens if we really use our survival instinct in some things? Am I doomed to a slow, romantic death because I can't compete for a man and would rather say 'fuck it' and walk away? The whole bar scene, for example. If I'm in a more relaxed setting or a place that is less crowded, I do fine. I find I can flirt and hold my own. Throw me into the Hookup Superbowl that most bars become on a Friday or Saturday night, and I'm like a turtle withdrawing into its protective shell. I'd rather not play than have to compete and risk injury. It's not just the bar scene. I had this realization the other night with NotGraceful. We were in a situation where we were both kind of ignoring eachother and flirting with other people. Even though he kept meeting my eye and I had the feeling it was being done for my benefit, my instinctual reaction was to want to storm off and "give up". If he wanted any of those clearly unworthy girls, then he could have them. I wasn't about to step up my game and compete. In addition to being hypocritical (hello...I was playing the same game), I'm dooming myself to always being a benchwarmer. Maybe I need to take a lesson from Dolly and not only try my hand at competition but learn how to win.

Honk If You're...

I just got honked at by three truckers on my way into work. By the third one I was a little paranoid someone had slapped a, "Honk If You're Horny" sticker on the back of my car without my knowledge. )I checked when I got here though and there has been no foul play.)

I don't understand though:

1. I'm not wearing some miniskirt that is super revealing (skirt is appropriate length)
2. My hottness is not at its highest early in the morning;)
3. Any view of me from my window or moonroof is bound to be limited

I understood getting honked at when I had my old car: '91 maroon Firebird with no AC...you can imagine those hot summer days when my commute to work involved taking off layers just to not pass out while in traffic. But now? I drive your standard little car. There's nothing special. "Honk If You Like Normal Cars!"

I don't get it...any truckers out there who can give some insight?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Cheating On A Crush

Is there such a thing as cheating on a crush?

I was talking with some friends and we were just passing the time, trying to decide what constitutes cheating. Since my dating resume has many more Crushes than it has Relationships, I was very intrigued by the questions posed about cheating on a crush. My knee-jerk reaction was to of course think the idea was ludicrous. What exactly would I be cheating on? We aren't committed to each other in any way, shape, or form so how could I be unfaithful to nothing?

A more romantic notion was presented though, which really made my gears start working. If you really like someone and have a profound interest in them, isn't it possible to cheat on the idea of being with them? I think I agree with this (to a certain extent, keep reading).

Some crushes are merely because I am bored while others are more friend crushes and my interests are more sociable. Sometimes though I have a "rip my heart out" type of crush that occupies more of my mind and being than I thought was possible. (These are few and far between.) So while my interest lies in this person, yet nothing "real" has come from it, is it possible to cheat on the idea of the crush? Is flirting with others or going on dates with other guys being infaithful to my feelings? I kind of think it is. If I like someone that much, then how can I not be invested in it and true to it?

However...my next question is...when do you get over a crush? When its enough to not "cheat" on, then how do you move on? At a certain point, either something will come of the crush or it won't, so in the latter scenario, when do you have to move on? A future blog, perhaps.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Perceptions

I can't help but wonder how I am perceived. Do people think I'm a slut? a tease? a prude? normal? shy? embarassed? confident? unsure? etc...


I think I definitely used to be perceived as a tease. I used to be an even bigger flirt than I am now but with pretty much no follow through. I think I just wanted to get to the point of someone wanting me and then I'd backtrack in my flirting. (And no, it wasn't to THAT point or anything. I'm not cruel.)

Now I'm not so sure. I'm in one of those moods where I really want to read some people's minds and see what they're thinking about me.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Run Catch Kiss or Catch me if you can...

Last night was spent in revelry, celebrating another year of living for NotCarrie. As we drove the inebriated birthday girl back to the cars and then to her home she commented that because she was drunk it was the perfect time to ask her anything we wanted.

"Ask me a qwerstion." *insert hiccups and drunken giggling here*

So what started out as a mad romp into TMI questions and answers between myself, NotCarrie, NotCharlotte, NotMiranda and our mutal male friend (don't know his 'Not'name, yet) became a serious if a little drunken discussion about the division of the sexes and dating.

NotMiranda hit it on the head with one statement. "I'm tired of always being the bold one, the one to make the first move, the one chasing after him...sometimes I want to be chased."

And one million feminists of various types keel over in defeat. The cause is lost, this woman wants to be chased by a man *read wants to be controlled by a man*.

*snort*

I happen to agree with NotMiranda. Why does this generation's woman have to be the one to give chase. What happened to being desired and wanted and sought after? Our mutal male friend also piped in with proof that guys don't know where they stand anymore. Should they persue? What if they are persued? Why is it that women get to be undecisive while they should have their act together totally?

See, I'm all for gender equality, but in the sense, in the world of relationships and dating, its nice to be wanted, nice to have someone desire your company enough that they are willing to persue you just a bit to show their interest.

Being strong and making the first move, while helpful at times, at the end of the date just makes me feel like I'm pushing him into something that he doesn't want, and now I can only wonder how the guy feels. Is this new ground of being persued totally new to him? And if so how should he react? If he takes the typical response that he's seen played out again and again from women and play hard to get will she continue to persue him? And for women who are doing the persuing, in the face of such a response would we continue to persue him?

At this point dating and relationships are skewed. Forget chasing the cat and it being the dog in you...its more like flight of the bumblebee, a frantic search to figure out who's chasing who, and who should be doing the chasing.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Nicht Immer, aber Jetzt

Got some good flirting in today.

Also got asked out by an 18 year old. I call him my little high school puppy dog. It was cute, somewhat flattering. I also got to practice my "gentle turning down" skills.

Yay for it being the weekend. Too bad I have too much homework to enjoy it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Rain=Hott?

You know that scene in The Notebook when they kiss in the rain (details not given for those who haven't seen the movie)? Why is it that rain seems to make a moment so much more romantic and hott? I'm not sure why I started thinking about this earlier (ok, maybe it's because I'm in a kissing drought so my thoughts immediately go to water...) but the last time I kissed someone in the rain it didn't really add to the moment in a positive way. What is did add to was the frizz in my hair and my worry about running mascara. I mean, at the time I was secretly excited to be getting my "kiss in the rain" but now that I think about it, I might want to keep that one on my list.

What list?

Oh just a few things I always say I want to do: "christen" the back seat of my car, get married in Vegas, kiss in the rain, etc.


Maybe I should try combining all three. Too bad Vegas is in the desert, might be hard to time my shot-gun wedding with rain while my car waits to be "christened". And how can it be shot-gun when we'll have to drive there from DC?

Valentine's Day, a recap

I had such a funny, girly day today that I feel a little retrospective is in order even before the body is cold.

Things that made v-day 2006 memorable:
  • making eyes on the metro
  • cupcakes from Cakelove
  • champagne (period)
  • spilling champagne all over NotCharlotte's car
  • drinking said champagne from a coffee cup while at work
  • being propositioned for two dates
  • turning down two dates (minor issues with snaggle teeth, drunk breath, 5'2" and crazy)
  • hearing all about how NotBigMouth made NotElliot whack his pube bush
  • talking about and learning just how far they go in a brazilian bikini wax
  • NotaManager calling this Black Tuesday
  • learning that the best way to ensure a happy marriage to marry someone with a similarly shaped head
  • posting a Missed Connection on Craigslist

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Can I whine for just one second...

I want a Valentine...

*end of rant we now return you to your regularly scheduled valentine's day smooching, groping, etc.*

Bonus Day

Valentine's Day is the bonus holiday. I've never understood getting "down" about not being able to celebrate it. (Well, I do celebrate it but I've never really had a significant other to get all lovey-dovey with.) To me, getting depressed over Valentine's Day is like getting depressed about not being able to celebrate Hanukkah if you're not Jewish or Bastille Day if you're not French.

If you do have a significant other, then Valentine's Day can be an extra special day for you. It's a bonus for being in love. To use my previous analogy, if I were to marry a Jew (pleasepleaseplease), then it would then be a bonus to get to celebrate Hanukkah. Until that time though, I'm not going to get depressed when the menorahs and dreidels start coming out. In the same way, I am not going to get depressed by the influx of red and pink and heart shaped boxes of candy.



There are so many thoughts of Valentine's Day:
-love should be expressed every day of the year
-it sucks
-it's a Hallmark holiday

They are all valid opinions on the day but it depends on your attitude if it's going to affect your mood. I'm not a cynic when it comes to relationships and love, so I'm not going to spend my day being jealous of my coworkers receiving flowers or damning all men to hell for not realizing how awesome I am. I'm going to spend February 14th like most any other day (except maybe with a little more chocolate thanks to some sweet coworkers). I encourage those not celebrating this bonus holiday to put things in perspective and realize that it is seriously just another day. it's not the end of the world if you aren't celebrating Hanukkah, I mean Valentine's Day like what seems to be the majority of people out there.

HAPPY (BONUS) VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Stoppin the Love

I'm done with NotHusband.
Recently, he's been doing more than his fair share of pissing me off and today marked the end of my letting it hurt my feelings.

On my birthday, we all decided to play Kings, the game where you each pick a card and each one means something different. So NotRachel picks up a card that happened to mean Categories. She decided her category was "Places I've had sex."
We get to me and I pause. Someone goes "Oh, it's just because all of the places that have been named you've done it in, right?" And just as I was agreeing, in butts NotHusband with "No, it's because she's never done it AT ALL."
I was shocked. Number 1, it's no ones business but my own whether or not I decide to tell someone I'm a virgin. Number 2, it's REALLY not his job to announce to the entire party my sexual status. I got so mad at him I yelled at him 3 times in the course of 2 days. Thing is, he really didn't seem to feel that bad about it.
So lately I've been distancing myself from him, with good reason. Apparently he went to a gay club one weekend, hooked up with a guy, and now they're dating. WHAT the fuck is that? Tell me, why is it so much easier for a gay man to find and keep a mate? Honestly.
So I have to hear him talk about this guy constantly. I won't even give him a name because honestly, with the way NotHusband goes through men, he won't last long enough for us to even remember what I called him.

He is the most self-centered man I have ever met. I mean honestly. Every single conversation we have he centers around himself. If there's something wrong with me and I happen to tell him, he will change the subject so it comes back to him. I'm serious! I've been starting to think about why we're actually friends.
I know he takes my advice to heart. I talked him down off the ledge of moving up in the company he works for, NotHomeDepot.

But I digress.

Tomorrow, as many(all) of you may know, is Valentine's Day. Awhile back NotHusband and I had a conversation that involved us going out to dinner and celebration this (stupid ass) holiday together.
Color me surprised when I find out, via his Livejournal, that he has decided to go out with his other girl friend (NotOrange) and celebrate the fact that they are single and happy. This bothers me for several reasons:
1. Um, tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Did he, or did he not say we were going to have dinner on that night? (NotMiranda, back me up on this...)
2. I cannot STAND NotOrange. He could have picked anyone else to go with, I mean seriously.
3. When I left a few "snarky" comments on his LJ, he proceeds to IM me and say "Gee, thanks for making me look like an ass on my LiveJournal."

I shouldn't get this upset about it, but honestly, with the way things are going in my "love" life, you'd think that I'd catch a break on the one holiday that usually sucks for me. I think it's very unfortunate that this consumer-driven holiday can make me so depressed, but it does. Even a fake date was better than nothing.

Every day NotHusband slips farther and farther away from best friend status and that saddens me to no end, but honestly, am I really at fault?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Avalanche

I have decided to stop getting my hopes up for weekends.
I have also decided to not talk about what I want to happen. I should just keep my mouth shut because apparently when I speak these wishes out loud, they immediately do NOT come true.
Ooooh, I'm magical. :-)

Turn your cab light on

I saw a book at the bookstore today about how we can't expect to get a man unless we have our "cab lights on". It's all about sending the right signal. Maybe this is one place I'm running into trouble with NotGraceful. Whatever forcefield that surrounds him throws my signals completely out of whack. I find I become neurotic and seem to have lost the ability to function like a normal person. Does anyone have the antidote for crush-itis? Let's examine my symptoms.

When we last left off, I had failed miserably to invite NotGraceful into my lair. Utterly crushed by my own pitifulness, I did what any girl with a blog would do. I sat down and immediately emailed him, a few simple sentences sent by me asking him to come back and keep me company. Not a boy prone to email (should be warning flare #1), he didn't get the email until the next day. His response, however, was nearly perfect. No fear was expressed, only a desire that I should have asked him to come up while he was still there. My head hovered in the clouds even though he wasn't going to join us (a few Nots plus NotGay) out on Friday.

Saturday NotCarrie and NotJason met me for dinner, and as I was leaving my part-time job, I slipped NotGraceful a note with my phone number on it and the offer to hang out once he got off. Nothing. Again, I was left to wonder if I was reading him all wrong.

This past week was truly the pinnacle of my neuroses and the up/down of this faux relationship. A typical interaction for us is lots of staring and eyes and very little words. When left alone, the conversation flows. For once, the early part of this week seemed different. We talked around other people. We continued to have real conversation when they left, and I actually managed to keep my wits about me to not turn 3 different shades of red. He even arranged to take his break at the same time as mine one day (he works at where my part-time job is). These were the highs. Neurotic NotMiranda also took up residence in my head during part of the week as well. Sunday I decided I was going to "test him". He passed; I was ecstatic. However, when I suddenly lost my mind and came up with another lame scheme, I found myself walking home alone on a cold winter night. NotRachel kept me sane when I declared myself done and talked me into realizing part of this was my fault. She convinced me to be cool and give the boy a chance to make his move. Easier said than done. Being cool forced me back into shy mode. I didn't know how to act and proceeded to have a crappy week. When NotGraceful bailed on joining the gang this Saturday, I almost bailed on this whole crush thing entirely. The problem is that you can't just wash that man right out of your hair, no matter what the song says.

I came to the conclusion that, while I am so not a cool girl, I can convince myself to step back and keep my options open. I flirted my ass off on Saturday at work and had a hell of a time. I also managed to shine a little in front of NotGraceful today, too. If he wants this girl, he's going to have to come get me. At one point, I felt like we were almost there, but my obsessing took over. The obsessing is stopping while the flirting continues. I'm not giving up...he's still the one I want. I just need to give him a chance to realize he needs to give a little, too. My cab light's on. We'll see if he decides to hail me.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

4-Wheel Drive

I agree with you, NotCharlotte, the thought of staying in with a guy on this snowy night sounds REALLY nice. However, seeing as how I have been stuck inside all day, I would much prefer a guy with 4-wheel drive right now to come rescue me from my stir craziness.

If you have a 4-wheel drive, speak up!

Other Side of the World

Snow makes me want to cuddle with someone.

Well, more than usual. I look outside and see the flakes falling down and all I can think about is having someone to spend in the house, snowed in and watching movies, not caring about going out or spending money on frivolous things.

It also doesn't help that lately I've been into the slower, more melodical type of girl singers. KT Tunstall and Feist have been singing the soundtrack to the days I spend in my car going from home to work to school then back to work. Which is pretty much every day.

Snow has also ruined my superfun plans for the weekend, but hopefully something good will still happen.

Friday, February 10, 2006

And the letter I sent...

I'm not going to do anything for your birthday.

On the 18th I've got two people who I want to help celebrate their birthdays so I'm going to divide my time doing that.

What you told me last night was cruel, but cruel in the way that I needed it.

(This involves a conversation between myself and NotSkippy where he tells me that after I've started putting together some birthday plans for him that involve ice skating and all of his friends for his birthday, that he wouldn't feel comfortable doing any of this without NotIttyBittyTitty there, to which I lit into him, about he has so far been unable to even decide if he wants to break up with her or not, and his excuse for not making this decision..."I've been sick")

It gave me the courage to finally realize what I want out of this friendship. I want someone I can watch anime with and chat with occassionally and go to Asian restaurants with. In short, a friend.

I don't want someone who's going to make me feel bad about not liking their girlfiriend. Or someone who's going to make me feel like the other woman, or feel bad about me. So I'm stepping back.

NotIttyBittyTitty is your girlfriend. I'm just a girl that is your friend. I have no claims on your time other than what you choose to spend in my presence. I won't make any more demands of you. We need some time apart. You need to figure out what you want, and you can't do that if I'm a crutch that keeps you from making that decision. So I'll bow out gracefully. You let me know when you're ready to be friends again, k?

This is what I sent and unlike the last time I went the email route with him, I don't feel any of the trepidation or the nervousness about whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Instead, I feel better, and if I feel better now, than I can only imagine how badly I felt before.

My Funny Valentine...

Okay, so Valentine's Day isn't here yet, but I figured that since Prince Charming or Master Charming or Well-Hung *rowr* Charming hasn't fallen out of the sky and next to my car, and given the previous weeks events, that I deserved some sort of Valentine's treat. So, I declare myself, my Valentine. I shall be taking myself out for a romantic dinner and then I will be showing myself what a real woman likes about this day of flowers and love.

Besides, who says I need to be someone's Valentine in order to feel validated as a female. I would love to have that special someone by my side as I trip the light fantastic through my day, but alas not to be this year. So I'll spend my time with someone equally fascinating who will hang on my everyword and who will give me their undivided attention for the entirety of Valentine's Day...myself.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Just the three of us???

NotSkippy commented to me last night as we watched a movie that his friends
thought he had the ideal setup. He was dating me (someone that he likes, has a lot in common with, etc.), but he's screwing NotIttyBittyTitty.

*raised eyebrow*

So while I play the part of the pseudo-girlfriend, complete with fun dinners out and copious amounts of his time, the supposed real girlfriend is the "other" woman...good for getting nekkid with and possibly bumping uglies...

*both eyebrows raised now*

Now its not that I'm against hanging out with him or that I don't understand the inner
workings of the male mind, this one in particular, but seriously, what is he thinking. And the really sad part of the whole thing is...it doesn't seem like he even refuted this claim.

Recently, I told NotSkippy that while I don't mind the random comment about NotIttyBittyTitty, I really don't care to hear about her at all, because 1) I don't like her and I think she's totally wrong for him, 2) I think she has some major body, mind and personality issues that she needs to address before getting involved with someone of the opposite sex and 3) she's marriage track girl and is three little words away from pressing NotSkippy
on the whole ring, dress and picket fence issue. To add to my dislike of her in general I have the additional fuel of his parents not thinking she is 'the one' for him either.

With this, I find I need to take another step away from this situation all together and limit my contact with him to movies on the weekend and the occasional dinner out, because anymore and I'll wind up in the pining from afar boat again.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

His Point Of View

Larissa's latest "Insider Thought" over on her blog has totally got me thinking...I wonder what my guy friends would say about me and my interactions with the opposite sex. What kind of advice would they give me and what analysis would they have of my previous relationships...or not-so-much-relationships.

NotStanford tells me all the time that I need to just go out and have sex while pining away for my crushes. He is also a fan of just telling people when you want them. I would like his comments on my flirting style and if I come off as just a tease or if people find my intentions genuine.

NotJason would be a VERY interesting participant if he would be honest and open about it. I have a feeling he would never ever give me advice on my interactions with him and other guys. His point of view might be the one I am most interested in, though.

NotTownie would be another interesting one as he knows I want his sass but I can also confide in him about real things. His experience with the opposite sex would probably provide some great insight.

I don't know, it just makes me wonder how I actually do come off to guys. I really want a male perspective now.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Autobiography Page 321

When I was in 6th grade, or so, I was at the skating rink (shut up) on a Friday night when my older brother's friend said, "NotCarrie, Will you go with me?" He was at least 5 years older and I was thoroughly confused and said, "Go where?"

"GO with me," he said.

"GO where?" I responded.

Then I realized what he meant and I was so embarassed I ran (skated) away and ignored them both for the rest of the night.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mise-en-Scene

It seems as if I haven't posted in such a long time.

It's half because I've been busier than Hades with school, work, and Friday fun. Plus, I just haven't really had much to post about.

NotGay is back on the "good list," especially as of late. He's been bumped up to "permanent friend" status. NotMiranda kept teasing me on Friday, we all (the 3 of us and NotCarrie) went on a road trip to see some indie bands, and he was fairly friendly towards me. She kept making comments about us making out. Thing is, I would, but I can honestly say that it would be a purely physical thing. It's weird, but it's like I don't feel that kind of attraction towards him. If that makes sense. I mean that as in relationship attraction.

He did pick me up and spin me around though, which took me by surprise. I don't know why I feel the need to include that fact, but I just found it interesting.

Anyway, just letting you know I'm alive and that I'm still (unfortunately) single.

I have another blog topic (about NotHusband) that I shall elaborate on another time, it's going to be a long one.

Friend Crush Update

I got in some quality time with one of my friend crushes yesterday. I need to super glue him into that category because I'm worried it's going to go from Friend Crush to Real Crush and that would be bad. He has a girlfriend and from what I learned yesterday, a fairly serious one. He's such a nice guy though and I really want him to be a real friend. Not just an acquaintance I see from time to time. I like people who can talk about music and movies and he's also funny.

We've invited him out a few times but it never works. I'm crossing my fingers for soon.

Friday, February 03, 2006

I'm a loser

I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to ask him up. I'm too fucking shy for my own good.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I am willing to commit...or is it that I should be committed...

I've been rethinking this whole relationship thing. That and the kid thing. Note that I can't even consider either without objectifying them. But I digress.

The need to be with someone, or be in a committed relationship is a double edged sword. While I don't necessarily want to be alone, I also don't really want to navigate and emotional mindfield that may be worse than my own. I mean seriously, the catchphrase nowadays is "I have issues". We all have issues and when you add to that the want to be with someone else you get even more of these 'issues'.

Then, I've been noticing a steady trend and maybe its part of living in the Metro DC area, but there seem to be two groups of the singles crowds between the ages of 25 - 35, those who are itching, tingling, harping to get married and those who are going with the flow. For the former, its the biological-clock-is-ticking-(for men as well as women)-need-to-have-the-house-the-car-the-right-everything-right-now syndrome, and for the latter it seems to be more of a I'll do the dating thing and if I meet up with that person then I will and if I don't well...

And while neither is exactly healthy, they both have their respective places in my world. They balance each other if you will. And I love a well balanced group.

Or maybe I just need to be committed...or sedated. Not sure which.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Giddy school girls have nothing on me

I'm a ball of anticipation covered in a shy school girl's kilt. I've been hesitant to blog about NotGraceful because I hate to be a bore but can hold it in no longer. Considering we're talking about two shy people, things have been going really well. The only real hiccup came when I realized how similar he looks to NotSteve (the ex I haven't really blogged about). This realization had me pouring through old pictures hoping to invalidate this theory. Even though I came up with photos that bear a striking resemblance to NotGraceful, I'm convinced this crush has nothing to do with those similarities.

Speaking of this crush...can it get anymore ridiculously painful? I want this boy so badly I spend my days feeling nauseous and my nights battling my dreams. Ducked heads and stolen glances have progressed to real conversation and full-on eye googling (as my friend NotRachel calls it). Whenever we're alone I'm left with the distinct impression that there's something he wants to say to me. It's like it is this visceral thing hanging in the air between us. Poor boy...Saturday I got trashed at NotCharlotte's birthday and wound up ending the night curled up in a chair, asleep on his shoulder. NotRachel cracked me up by saying how she liked that he jumped to fulfill my every request that night. Ha!

At the moment, I'm all a flutter because tomorrow night I'm all set to ask him if he wants to come upstairs when he drops me off. I feel like I should leave it at this for the moment, but hopefully I'll be able to mix a little bit of snogging into my next post ; )