Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Just Say No

One of the women I work closely with at work just asked me if I'm dating anyone. No, she wasn't asking because she's interested, I think she was just being nosy because she doesn't know me very well. But my answer?


and then:

"Well, not really"

Wait! What?

She apparently doesn't pick up on verbal/body cues for *Don't ask me to clarify* because she did indeed look utterly confused and so I had to try to explain. But there's nothing to explain so I was pretty much just making things up and trying to make it sound complicated so she would stop asking.

"Um, it's complicated. Ambiguous."

She was still looking confused. (Isn't 'ambiguous' code for 'I don't know either'?)

"We're friends."

Still confused apparently so I just really went on with my fictional story:

"We hang out a lot but we're not dating."

Then she said, "Well, if you hang out and you love each other then what's the problem?"

I just nodded my head, it was easier than trying to go back on my story. I'm not sure how she went from "friends" to "love each other" especially since the whole story was something I made up. I should have just left it with "No, I'm not dating anyone" but she's the type who you just can't say "no" to. (I'm glad she wasn't inquiring because she was interested;)

Monday, January 30, 2006


I was talking with a few people yesterday about relationships and how they begin and how you know when they've actually started. The girl in the conversation said, "I've learned now to never ask a guy if we're exclusive, committment just scares him away!" and the guy in the conversation, who has a serious girlfriend, agreed and said the best way is to one day introduce her as "my girlfriend."


I was flabbergasted. Okay, I can see not asking someone in the throws of passion if he's going to be your new boyfriend but really-I think that goes both ways. NotRoger totally freaked me out with all of his talk about "being so glad to find me" and stuff. Now granted, he was certainly not Mr. Right and I know that with someone I do want a relationship with I won't be put off by the subject. But to make a blanket statement that all guys will be freaked out by committment talk is just ludicrous in my opinion.

And what about his way of just one day saying she is his girlfriend? Isn't that the fastest way to Ambiguityville? Ambiguityville is like Chernobyl in my mind. I want to avoid it and NOT take direct flights there...I'm not alone, right? I pressed on with him and asked how he really knew she wanted to be in a relationship with him. He said that they had been friends for a year beforehand and were spending more and more time with each other. He just "knew" or something. I barely held back my laughter and only because it was towards myself and would create the situation of me having to contribute to the conversation. It's like he was saying hanging out one-on-one helped him "know" they were destined to be in a relationship. Based on that, I've had more relationships than I thought! In fact, I'm in one right now!

Haha! I guess I'm glad it's that easy for some people (*grrrr*)

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Not Going Down that Path Again...

I spent this morning kvetching with NotMiranda and NotCharlotte over getting over NotSkippy and moving on. And what I had already decided and found the courage to voice today was that I can't be a part of someone else's hangups. Especially, the one that NotSkippy has. Not being able to talk to your family about the woman you're dating for any reason just proves to me two things, 1) that you're not adult enough to be in an adult relationship and 2) you aren't capable of forming ideas and opinions on your own. While I'm a true believer in letting your childhood mold and shape you I also believe that you must come to a point where you have to think on your own and decide exactly how you want to live your life and later for whatever you've been told and how you're supposed to see things.

How we were raised should have some effect on how we operate in our daily lives, but we should also be enough of our own person to decide what we keep and what we throw away in terms of lessons learned in childhood.

As for NotSkippy, I don't have time to venture down that path with him again. I've moved on to more exciting times and I have no plans to go back to the way things could be. I'm a stronger, happier NotSamantha and I plan to stay that way.

Friday, January 27, 2006

"This party is great but where is my boyfriend?"

My junior year of college was a really good year full of parties and concerts. It was the beginning of adding in some really great friends, many of whom were hott guys. (Seriously, the number of hott guy friends I had was almost unfair.) One party in the winter of that year I was in classic NotCarrie form. I probably did a kegstand or two, played beer pong and challenged anyone to a chugging contest. (I wasn't a boozehound but I could hold my beer/liquor!) Anyway, so at this party, needless to say, I was a little drunk. And being drunk, I had some difficulties keeping things to myself. Actually, I was pretty proud of myself after the fact for being cryptic even in my drunken stupor-I revealed no names and had no reasons to be (too) embarassed the next day.

Anyway, so on with the story. I spent the evening doing what I do best---flirting. Apparently, though, I got pissed when a friend of mine disappeared with one of my hott friends and some of the others weren't being receptive to my advances. This is when I found the dry erase board on the host's fridge door and wrote:

"This party is great but where is my boyfriend?"

At the time I thought nothing of it and assumed noone would know I wrote it but boy fwas I wrong. Apparently it was the funniest thing to have happened at the party that night. The host told me they left the note up for weeks to remember how funny I was when I declared that. They told me I kept going around asking people where "he" was...and no, there was no "he" to be found! Maybe you had to be there but I rememberd this night the other day and it made me laugh to remember.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I Have Needs And They Are Innocent

I get antsy when I don't have a crush. Not having someone to lust after, or to coincide my life with, or to imagine my happy future with makes me feel bored. I need a crush like I need The O.C. I can live without it but life is so much better with it!

But my problem right now, like so many other people, is finding someone. I was excited for this new thing I just started that has put me among a whole new group of people and I was hoping to meet some eligible bastards (ok, that was a typo but too funny to fix. I meant to say "bachelors".) But so far the guys I have encountered are either married, engaged, annoying, or physically unappealing. Oh, or old and I don't do old. I'm not being completely negative about the situation because some of these already attached guys seem pretty cool so I will definitely try to be friendly with them. Maybe they have friends who will be interested in a hott, 20-something, intelligent female who likes to blog.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


I feel the need to check in since I've been a little MIA this past week. There is stuff I WANT to talk about but today is one of those days where I'm on the verge of screaming. Stuff is due for work but I need to finish stuff for something else and I'm so tired and now I'm hungry but can't take lunch because of deadlines. And in the back of my mind is the whirlwind of non-work related things that keeps trying to edge its way to the forefront of my mind. I can't think about it all just yet, though. I apologize for being a bad blogger this week.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Trampled Under Foot

It's hard to be creative when you're being forced to.
This semester is going to kill me, creatively, I can already tell. It's my own damn fault for taking so many writing courses. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
Yesterday was the longest day, ever. I was up at 530, drove to my job (45 minutes away) until 12, then drove 30 minutes to campus for 3 hours of classes, then drove another 45 minutes to my OTHER job to work from 5 until midnight. Luckily, there were cute boys at my second job to keep my spirits up.
Isn't that crazy, how just seeing a cute face can make you want to hang out JUST a little bit longer?
I then started thinking about attractiveness levels and what makes me like certain boys. I then realized that I'm honestly a "first impression" type of girl. If guys aren't physically attractive to me, I won't want to "be with them."
That sounds shallow, but honestly it's the truth. Oddly enough, I seem to be attracted to men that are not only attractive to me, but have personality and sense of humor. It's just a matter of seeing if they're attracted to me as well.
I seem to attract the type of guys who aren't very intellectual, which is a problem for me, considering a. I love to talk about things that aren't boring and b. i consider myself very culturally aware.
How do I attract men... I guess that are like me? *sigh*
Also, for some reason I'm incredibly attracted to "shy guys." Much like NotMiranda though, I turn into a shy girl when I'm around guys like that and (obviously) nothing much happens because we're each too afraid to make the first move. I have one thing to say about this though:

That is all.

The shy show

My flirtation with NotGraceful has been fun; however, since the big reveal it seems I've moved from the confident to the shy flirt. Now that I've been exposed he seems to have taken the lead, slowly engaging me. I seem to barely be able to keep a meal down and simply blush and bat my brown and green-flecked eyes at him. What happens when two intensely shy people collide? Stay tuned. I will leave you with the thought that this shy girl is ready to meet a man who isn't afraid to pull her in a dark corner and remind her why God invented lips.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Sweet crushin'

I discovered this weekend that my having a little crush is like Popeye having a little spinach. It's empowering! Add a little crush and my boldness is off the charts. This weekend I snagged email addresses I've been wanting for quite some time from a couple of sigh-worthy guys and had such an intense session of eye sex with this one fellow that I felt like I needed a cigarette afterward. I'm kind of liking this new boldness about me.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Exposing secrets.

My time as the secret admirer to NotGraceful seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. That's right silly readers...in the past two days I have fully revealed my identity to this man who has made me smitten. After a couple more emails batted back and forth, I discovered I had been eliminated as a suspect in my own game because of my craftiness in sending an email while he knew I was at a place where I generally couldn't email. This couldn't be. Three delicately crafted sentences were sent and my identity was all but revealed. With my heart hammering a Sousa march in my chest and butterflies doing a number on my stomach, I picked up the phone to call him yesterday just to seal the deal. As I listened to the lightness in his voice I began to relax. He was happy. He thought I was awesome. I slept so well last night.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Package Check...or Is that a *insert fruit here* in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I have to admit it...I'm a package nut. I do it all the time, its the same as guys checking out women as they walk behind/walk by/see them across the room. I check out a guy's package. Why? Don't know, its kindof like love at first glimpse. Or the potential for love or maybe its just good ole fashioned lust of the unknown kind.

I refrain from doing this with people I get to know well, but always when I first meet them.

Now here come the cries of size does not matter, and while I believe it doesn't (motion of the ocean and all that), I do believe that a respectably filled out pair of pants go a long way into me giving a guy more than a cursory going over. For the guys who dare tread into this female mind, think of it as looking a the boobs. They're in your line of vision (if you squint a little and tilt your neck just a little) and they either make you look closer or they put you off and you move on to the next set.

And while I am old enough to know that sexual prowess comes with more than a cucumber or adequate length and girth...I wear a corset, I have a cock ring...and I know exactly how to use them both...

History Of Cupid

I’ve never really had a Valentine. But also, I’ve never really minded as I usually find the day to be so forced and cheesy. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t yearn for romance and love and affection, I definitely do (about 23 hours of the day). Even this year I will be okay if I don’t have a “Valentine”, but won’t deny a little part of me wishes for a secret admirer or for some advancement with someone else.

When I younger I gave out Valentines but was too shy to ever give one of the more suggestive cards to a boy I liked. The “suggestive” cards being those that had hearts on them or didn’t explicitly say FRIENDS. Ha!

In high school I would get so annoyed at my friends for being into the day that I refused to care. I just found it ridiculous for a 16 year old to be going to a fancy restaurant to celebrate V Day.

My last two years of college were spent with friends on the “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” night out. We weren’t lonely but I’m a big Beatles fan so the name came easily and stuck. We went out on the town, looking hott of course, and reminded anyone who WAS lonely that Valentine’s Day is a crock of crap if you want it to be!

Last year was actually my first taste of a real Valentine’s Day but ended up being very unorthodox. First, I had NotRoger asking to be my Valentine and me being a bitch and avoiding the subject. See, this was the beginning of the end with him since I decided I had eyes for someone else. I ended up going out that night on a sort of double date with NotCharlotte and our two ‘winners’ in the First Annual Be My Valentine Contest. It was a good night but after the fact turned out to be more complicated than we had ever imagined. More on that another time...

Now, go apply for this years!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Be My Valentine--The Application!

Rather than sit around on our fannies this Valentine's Day pining away for our latest crushes, the girls over here at No Sex & the City have decided to take matters into our own hands. Click on the heart off to the side to download the latest application to join us in celebration of the holiday of togetherness. Before you ask, the application will not get you laid, but it will get four lucky bastards dinner with the Not girls sometime around the V-day holiday. Download the application and email (check our profiles) your answers to one of the Nots by February 5th. Email any Not...all applications will be tossed in the general pool.

Book Me Danno!

I'd like to believe that if my life could be described as some sort of book genre it would be some sort of action novel or at least a hard core erotic novel ( just not one of those with the bright and shiny covers - shudder), where I'm the somewhat quirky heroine who is searching for love in all the wrong places, but will inevitably stumble upon it in time.

What about you ladies? Are you a biography, a current affairs story, fiction, etc? Where does your life fit in the grand scheme of a book? What about our readers...come one show some spine *snort* get it, book....spine...

*bows to cricket filled audience*

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Hanging On The Telephone

I made two calls on my short ride home from work yesterday: one to NotJason and one to NotRoger.

I called NotJason for a few reasons but mostly because I'm sick of only corresponding via email and so if we can't hang out as much, then I at least want some human aspect to the communication. I also figured he needed to have me fresh in his mind!

So after speaking with NotJason for a few moments I decided I needed to be a little reckless and spur of the moment! So I decided to call NotRoger. But the funny part is that I couldn't be spontaneous at all! My new cell phone still doesn't have all of my contacts in it so I had to look in my old cell phone. It literally took five minutes to get his number because the stupid thing kept freezing up. So much for my spontaneity! I took it as a sign not to call him so I used my sneaky Verizon ways and just left him a voice mail therefore bypassing any awkwardness.

I'm not sure if I want him to call back. Ok, that's a lie. I really really really want him to call back and I want him to invite me over. I doubt that will happen since I was a bitch to him before but it's ok because if he did invite me over then I would then enter, "Do I?" mode.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Put Into Words

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in quite awhile. I was on the verge of tears the entire day and almost asked to leave work early because everything was adding to my stress and causing me to want to scream. I know WHY I was in such a horrible mood but it's still stuff I can't even put into words. Not because it's difficult or painful, but because I honestly can not string together the correct verbs and nouns to explain how I was feeling and what sparked my mood. But as I accepted the fact that I couldn't clarify to myself what was going on, it upset me even more that as a result I would not be able to fix the problem. How do you say to someone that you are upset when it can't be that simple and 500 footnotes are needed to explain and clarify. "I miss you" on it's own is both too little and too much. "Why?" can either open a can of worms or elicit a disappointing and anticlimactic response.

In more lighthearted news, the situation with NotGraceful on Friday was so amusing I think I laughed more than I had in awhile. Having all clues point to me was a fun game for the evening but one I had to play with caution. I wouldn't want to come away from the situation with an air of deceitfulness as someone who plays around with matters of the heart. But I think I did a good job and merely filled a role yet kept the flirting to a minimum as to not act interested where I am not. However, I am now living vicariously through NotMiranda and can't wait for the exciting moment!

Monday, January 16, 2006

The winding road to smitten

I've officially begun to fall for the Secret Admiree (henceforth to be called NotGraceful). Over the past week he has reminded me of all the little things I miss about having a crush, and unfortunately, the weekend sealed the deal. Friday night NotCarrie, NotCharlotte and I attempted to gather all of our Not favorites and spend a night on the town in Dupont. NotCarrie, being the good friend that she is, made sure NotGraceful got a personal invite. As we were waiting to leave, guess who shows up...NotGraceful! As I was melting into my chair trying to figure out how we were all going to survive a night of me pretending not to know so much about him, NotCarrie bolts in a fit of giggles. You see, we had determined that, if putting two and two together, NotGraceful was likely to think that NotCarrie was deliverer of the Secret Admirer note. This theory didn't appear that off base as the evening got to a start. NotGraceful was definitely showering a bit of attention on NotCarrie, liked they'd been secretly emailing. It didn't help that we started talking Alias in the car (NotGraceful is calling my Sydney in our emails), made sure Billy Corgan was on the cd player (one of his old faves was Smashing Pumpkins and I mentioned they were my first concert), and I made sure NotCarrie pulled out her camera (told him I liked to carry around a camera). Luckily, I did a pretty good job of being untypically friendly, even a little flirty. As the drinks wore on and the flirting intensified, I like to think I confused him a bit. How much remains to be seen. Regardless of who he thinks he's emailing, the night was a success because I got to bond with him in person and not just online. As he leaned in to talk to me, I realized I missed the heat associated with a guy's lips that close to my ear and the solidness of his leg pressed against mine. I've missed the times when your eyes meet, and you're wondering if he's thinking of kissing you as much as you're thinking of kissing him. He sealed the deal when he got up to dance with me to Golddigger. Tom Cruise may have snagged Renee Zellwegger at hello, but NotGraceful had me the moment he slid out of the booth and began dancing with more than the typical white boy head bop.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Single Woman Seeks...

Intelligent, sane stranger to converse with about movies, anime and cooking. Must like oatmeal and generous hips. Must have a sense of humor and an espresso machine. Please reply in comment box.

Tonight I feel Sexless...

I know, I know hard to believe right...well its true. I don't know what it is, but the past few nights the last thing that's been on my mind is sex. Which is the polar opposite to NotCarrie's post about thinking about sex.

I was hoping to fulfill my goal of buying one new sex toy per month...and I can't even drum up the usual happy thoughts so that I can peruse the Good Vibes site and consider the glass or the silicone toys of fun.


Oh woe is me! My sex driveth have gone south.

Of course this could also have something to do with the dread I felt about coming back to my hometown...as well as the fact that as I type this I'm sitting in the bedroom I grew up in. The driest, sexless place on the planet.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Watch Out, City

Due to recent events, I'm in the mood to cause some trouble. Full flirt is on for the night. Dupont? Watch out.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Think About Sex

So they say that guys think about sex every few moments or something, right? But are there exceptions to this rule? Are there guys out there who are immune to the sex thoughts? And is the amount of sexual thinking correlated to the amount of sexual actions going on? Is it possible for a guy to "turn off" those thoughts?

A friend of mine from college always seemed like the the sort of, asexual type. He was definitely into girls and eventually definitely came out of his shell but for awhile it seemed like he was that atypical guy who just wasn't into girls. But all that time when I thought he wasn't interested, was he just keeping those thoughts about sex in the back of his mind?

I am currently asking a friend of mine, via IM, some of these questions. He said that he definitely thinks about sex a lot because there is so much in the world to remind him of it. But he doesn't think that all guys do. Then I asked him if ALL guys masturbate because I was under the impression (from Dr. Drew) that they sort of have to. He said, again, that he doesn't think so and laughed at me for citing Dr. Drew. Now he is trying to compare men and women but that's a whole other blog...

Any thoughts? And not about Loveline, thanks.

Come Together

So I was catching up on my blogs, since I've been sick (today's my last day at home though, thank goodness. I need friend time-stat!) and I saw a short, but sweet note from one of the girls I went to high school with, NotGlasses.
She was always the odd duck, she was That Girl who dressed up as Darth Vader for the new Star Wars movies, That Girl who moved to Alaska to become a TV Journalist. I love it, she's got the most amazing self confidence and sense of self. Except when it comes to men. Lately, she's been having a lot of trouble with men, they love her and leave her and as I read her entries, my heart goes out to her.
Until today. She has discovered that one of her friends from SIX YEARS AGO has held amorous feelings for her. They have recently started conversing and have decided to give it a go, long-distance style.
I think this is absolutely wonderful! How neat would it be to have someone from your past, from 6 years ago, resurface and declare their love for you?
Do any of you have past flames/friends/acquaintances that you still hold feelings for? I know I do. If given the chance, would you tell them your true feelings toward them?

The opposite of approachable

Status: Useless

Have you ever been able to flirt with the hottest guy in the room but barely able to make eye contact with the guy that makes your stomach flutter? I discovered over the past few days that I do indeed have the womanly skills to flirt with the everyday hunks in my life. However, I'm rendered useless when face to face with that special crush. Whatever it is that makes him special also turns me mute. In fact, often it can go beyond silence and venture into an odd kind of hazing. NotCarrie once posted about kicking boys she had a crush on as a young girl. I swear I still have to fight those inclinations. Stealing sly glances, ducking my head to hide that silly grin, delivering snappish, derisive comments. That's me in my puckish handbasket. Watch out boys. If I'm snarky to you, it just might mean I have a crush on you.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

How Soon is Now?

I know I just posted, but deal with it! :-)

So I emailed NotGuitar earlier asking him to an event that the Nots are hosting this Friday.
I didn't want to be a bother, considering we had just gone out Friday evening and I'm not sure of this guys' rules when it comes to conversing after a date, so the email went like this:

How's it going?
*details of friday night plans*
Talk to you later,

He responded about an hour ago with a page and a half recounting of how awesome the last two days have been for him, complete with how it connected to stuff we had done together. For example, the place his band played at last night was known formerly as the place where we first hung out. He remembers these things! It's weird. Well, I guess not completely weird, seeing as how that was 3 weeks ago. But still.

This is a good sign, right?

And to the guys who read these ramblings, is there really a rule for how long to wait for conversing after a date?

She's Hearing Voices

But really, it's okay.

Since I've got the stomach flu, I've been given a lot of time to think about people from my past.
I was looking at one of my addiction sites today and came across an updated profile of one of my crushes from high school, NotSinger. Nothing ever came about this crush, in fact he's getting married to his high school sweetheart this year, who I am pretty good friends with.
Anyway, he and I had this mutual friend, NotMormon, who I used to date. We even went to junior prom together.
I was looking through some photographs that NotSinger posted and who do I happen to see but NotMormon.
Isn't it weird how seeing a picture can bring back memories? I remember how he asked me to prom and how I drove all the way from Germany to Italy to go with him. We had all of these inside jokes and he used them all to ask me and throughout the night he would make little comments that reminded me of our bond.
After high school, we lost touch. He went on his mission and I believe that since I was not mormon, he couldn't keep a relationship with me because I wouldn't convert. This all makes sense, but I still think about him sometimes. He exuded niceness and courtesy. He was, I believe, one of those "perfect men."

I need to find another one... and keep him this time.

As hot as it was

I love the thrill of the hunt. That said, I bit the bullet this past week and executed Mission Secret Admirer. A simple, yet somehow complicated drop of a simple pink heart in a chocolate brown envelope. The words, "Secret Admirer. Curious? Email xxxxx" scribbled carelessly and resting in the pocket of a barn jacket. Three days later a slightly charming email appears in my new anonymous email account. He requests to know his mystery woman so he can "sleep at night." I am charmed, yet choose to toy with his emotions and attempt to start an email relationship first. In truth it's part game, part self preservation. In the real world, I can't even bear to be civil to the object of my affection lest he suspect me. Hell, I never said I wasn't screwed up.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The Meaning Of Abstract

My blur of Friend Crush and Real Crush has me very confused. The division between the two has been reduced to the finest line imaginable and at this point I'm not sure which one is my goal or if I even have to choose. It makes the usually simplistic, "What are you doing tonight?" turn into a big ordeal because I stress about how to phrase it and in what context I want my proposition to be taken. And not only are the questions difficult but the answers (or lack of) I receive have the potential to start a whirlwind of analyzation and second-guessing.

And honestly, at this moment it's Friend Crush edging out Real Crush because of a few things but even that decision doesn't simplify things. Now, just trying to hang out still has me wondering if he's thinking, "She's trying to get me alone!" Why does being FRIENDS have to be so difficult?

Some clarity would ne nice.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Sometimes its better to be a porn star...

said my friend NotADramaQueen one night while I was at work...which given the perversions of my mind got me to thinking. Would it be better to be a porn star?

I mean given the line of their work...it pays well if you're well known, you always know what you'll be doing at work, you're guaranteed that the person you're working with is hot, you are paid to fondle your co-workers 'ass'ets...the list goes on and on.

Then there are the other mutual benefits. You know that any guy and sometimes girl you meet will have your movie on their shelf (maybe in the back, but still there). Your significant other (if you can keep one while you're in the biz) can almost guarantee that others will want you, thus increasing their status because they actually have you. And while people can claim to have never seen you before in life you'll know their lying by the flush that creeps along their skin and the sweat they break out into when they see you...

Yep the life of a porn star can't be that bad....

Of course there's always the fact that everyone will know why type of waxing you do and if you have a mole on your left butt cheek and whether or not should ask for a refund on your newest set of implants, but hey, you're a star...and that's all that matters, right?


Tiny Spark

So last night I had a date with NotGuitar. I would consider this the "second date" since last Friday it was mainly he and I talking to each other as I was trying to fend off advances from NotHusband.

It was one of those impromptu dates, with not much planning. We decided on a place and time to meet, but that's about it.

There was a lot of walking around the city, one of my favorite things to do. And four hours of talking. And a little arm/leg touching. And "eye giving." Which is good.

Minimal breaks in conversation. We spent most of the time reminiscing about Europe and telling funny stories. I'm not nervous around him, which is a good thing.

However, yet again I have backed myself into the "friends or more" corner... why are men so hard to read?

It's hard to talk a lot about this because I'm not done figuring it out in my head. We hugged as I was leaving though. He's a good hugger.

And You Just Don't Get It

Okay so it is a given that some people just do not get it, whether by conscious or subconscious choice. The ones who don't put two and two together that watching a movie in the dark, while on the couch drinking alcohol should be an indication of intentions. The few who don't realize that me being near them a majority of the time is no accident. It is someone who doesn't get it that arms normally do not touch that much on a platonic night out.

So earlier tonight I had a thought about people like this and whether or not they ever "get it" so I've decided to test them. Why not push the envelope every once and awhile to see if they are, in fact, able to put the clues together. Touch their arm a little more during conversation, give them (more) sex eyes, bring out the really good (and suggestive) flirting. I'll report back in if anything comes of this but don't hold your breath. I think some of my victims are the professional atheletes of "not getting it."

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Ode to an Indie Boyfriend

Oh Indie Guy, I know you're out there,
with your collared shirt and stylish hair.

Oh how I long for you, my scruffy man,
With dark rimmed glasses and tender hands.
We'll sit and drink coffee and ponder our lives
while sharing an iPod and heavy "sex" eyes.
You'll be taller than me, with a penchant for sweaters

and i'll burn you cds while you write me long letters
from your crappy job on your break in the park.
About how when we're together, we'll watch movies in the dark.
We'll cuddle, hold hands, and wish we were brilliant.
And we'll bask in the solitue of our couchy concealment.
One day we'll cross paths, in a music store.

I'll be searching for "Give Up" while you try to find "Galore."

Meet Me

I was complaining to NotMiranda that I like to blog about things actually going on but right now, NOTHING is going on so I feel like a boring failure. She suggested I try online dating so I would have something to write about. I am going to pass on her idea but it did remind me of a few moments in the past having to do with the internet and guys.

Before MySpace there was Friendster and as it spread like herpes at WVU, everyone was jumping on the Friendster bandwagon. Needless to say, I had a profile and took advantage of the college ethernet to craft my profile and then try to get as many friends as possible. (Hey, I was in college and that's what you do in college!) Anyway, to bypass my long-winded storytelling ways, let me skip ahead to deciding to meet this guy I liked to call NotCIBF (Creepy Internet Boyfriend.) We talked online a lot because I had nothing else to do (this is when I was jobless after college and living in the city) and I always gave excuses for why I couldn't meet him. But then one night after something upset me I made one of my rash decisions (these often occur when I am upset and need immediate something) and told him we should meet. Ok, it's definitely not smart to meet random people from the internet but I had about 5 friends set to call me at different intervals to make sure I was still alive and who knows-what if he had turned out to be amazing?
Well, he wasn't really amazing but at the time wasn't scary and horrible either. He did live up to the NotCIBF name I had given him because after we met he started telling me that he loved me and could see us getting married and living together.

And that was the end of NotCIBF.

My other internet experience was much better because my friend met him first. We met him on Makeoutclub.com (shut up-it's more of a "scene" type Friendster, not a site about sex or something) and he was more our speed because he was in college and liked the same kind of music and stuff. My friend though was way more reckless than I had been and drove 2 hours away to meet up with him and hang out at a show. Eventually the three of us were friends and she and I definitely developed crushes on him. He was adorable, like a teddy bear. At this same time, my friend, NotGas, and I made a bet to see who could makeout with a Makeoutclub.com member first and guess what! I WON!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

...and then we grew bold

Instead of growing older every year, I seem to grow bolder. I'm bolder in the way I walk, the way I talk, even the way I present myself. Don't get me wrong...I still have plenty of meek, soft parts. That's the part of me that has trouble meeting the eye of a guy I fancy and break out in cold sweats around hot guys (you think I jest). This year, however, I'm embracing bold in several new areas of life. Remember the Procedural Dating Guide? I'm filling in a sample dossier and getting ready to put it to work. I'm not a girl to play exactly by the rules, however, and am going to double up on my tactics. There is this guy I want to get to know a little better at my part-time job, but we're both a little shy. I'm dusting off my spy glasses and going covert for this one. Specifically, I'm going to leave the sweetest notecard in his jacket pocket on Saturday. The note will be from his secret admirer and include an anonymous email address for him to write me on. I just want a chance to get to know him a little better and always love being secretive. What do you think? Are secret admirers too over?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Bold spontaneity

It's officially a new year, and while I pretty much suck at new year's resolutions, I love the feeling that a new year brings of being able to start fresh. I know we don't really start over and nothing really changes, but I'm all for the idea that we can make change happen. That said, I have given my year a theme. 2006 is going to be the year of Bold Spontaneity. A smashing start really, if you checked out NotCarrie's post on our New Year's Eve adventures. Foresaking the Black Cat at the last minute and barreling down I-95 trying to beat the midnight countdown was outstanding. It really did get better as we strolled into the bar where everybody knows NotCarrie's name. I have to share two of my favorite (among many) moments. First, I loved the guy who was grinding away and getting his groove on all on his own. Even better was when NotCarrie and I sandwiched him and danced with him, so he wouldn't go it alone. Another favorite was NotBeret. This stiff (drunk ass) guy in a beret kept walking by and trying to catch NotCharlotte's eye. Finally, after something like half an hour of trying to get her attention, he passes by and looks her up and down, holding her gaze about 5 seconds too long. Now imagine a drawl and "Daaaaammmmmmnnnn." So funny. Unfortunately for NotBeret, even verbal appreciation wasn't going to get a nod from NotCharlotte.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Taking the advice of a skunk-tiger mix...

I love webcomics...and recently I've gotten into a few of the furry ones. My latest fave is Sabrina-Online. Great webcomic and it has a really cool character named Zig-Zag, she's a skunk-tiger mix who owns a movie studio that specializes in porn.

Gotta love that!

But on a recent trip with the main character of the webcomic, Sabrina, she reveals why she's not shy about her sexuality and how she expresses herself...and I quote "I do what I enjoy, life's too short to worry about embarassment and self denial." And now I find myself taking advice from a comic strip character.

Zig-Zag has a point. With all the things that are going on in life...it really is too short to worry about what everyone else thinks about you and what you do. Instead strive to be happy, try to make good decisions with a level head and move on from there. So with all of the other new things I'll be doing this year I would like to add that don't deny yourself the things you like no matter how much someone else may not approve. Remember in the morning you've got to be able to look you in the eye and like what you see. Everyone else, well all they see is what they want to see anyway.

Becoming an Adult...or take this label and stick it!

I've always categorized the stages of growing up into someone responsible in the following ways.

1) Legal - basically, you're 18 and over, you pay taxes, you're legal for eveything except drinking. Have fun enjoying becoming a 'responsible' member or society.
2) Adulthood - you've bought your first residence (or rented your first residence) and either live with your significant other or have a roommate thats great to live with, you own a new or newer than your first wreck of a car vehicle and you're looking into the whole dating pool idea with an open mind and heart.
3) Grownup - couplehood acheived and have come together in a shower of sparkling lights and happy fuzzies to create a child. You are soccer mom or she who can do it all and still have great sex.

(in case you can't tell that's me blowing a raspberry at the screen)

If I've learned nothing else this past year its that labels don't define anyone. I love more than anything else to look up my birthday and see what it says I should be like and then proceed to see that while I'm like that in some ways, I'm not like it in a million others. In the back of my mind there is always the chant "never let someone else's opinion of you become your reality". I don't like being how everyone thinks I should be.

I've been told that I should be buying my first piece of property, thinking about getting married, having baby #1, etc. And honestly, none of it appeals to me at all. In fact I want nothing more than to run away from the idea of buying a piece of land anywhere near where I currently live, scream in terror when I think about getting married and shudder at the idea of having a child.

I don't want to do, be or act like any of the things I used to think about when I labeled the different stages of being a responsible member of society. Does that make me irresponsible...? Doomed to repeat the mistakes of a past generation...? Unwilling to grow up and face the facts of life...?

Not sure, but let me finish my lollipop, check my savings account, double check on my IUD insertion date and I'll get back to you.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

"Grab His Ass"

Number of asses grabbed: 10+
Number of times my ass was grabbed: a handful
Number of kisses: 2.5
Number of people who threw up way too close to us: 1
Number of hours spent in car: 2(?)

I went into last night not excited, at all. I was tired and restless and worried about money but I had said I would go out and in the back of my mind I knew if I stayed home on NYE I would regret it later. And oooooh how I am glad I went out! NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, and I headed towards the city but because of unforeseen variables, we had to go to Plan B which turned out to be my favorite bar in the world. Nevermind that Plan B was in a city 50 miles away, ha! Anyway, we arrived just as the church bells were ringing in the New Year and we ran to the bar to begin our celebration. And who do we see in line to get in?

NOTTOWNIE!!!!!!! aka, sexiest guy I know. I felt like a total rockstar holding onto his arm walking in and the bouncer saying, "NotCarrie!" (It's nice to be recognized.) I had a great time introducing the Nots to my hott friends and I hope they enjoyed meeting them. NotTall, NotCrazy, and of course NotTownie and NotDreds.

I gave us all tasks, too. Everyone had to grab a stranger's ass and everyone HAD to talk to random men. I am so very proud to report that each of us completed our tasks. And if I were giving out grades I would give us all A+'s! I don't think that many asses have been grabbed in that bar since well...never!

I'm sorry this blog isn't more structured but I am exhausted from getting home at 5am and then working all day. But I won't end before I give you the good stuff, The Kisses!

#.5 NotJason on the cheek before we all headed out our separate ways
#1.5 NotDreds
#2.5 *drumroll please* NotTownie after giving him a ride home from the bar. Damn is he hott.

Thanks so much to NotC and NotM for a hella good night. And NotS, you were missed, Happy New Year to you and everyone else in Blog Land!


Modern World

So remember the fall through date I didn't go on a few weeks ago? Well, it happened this Friday. Sort of.

I invited the myspace guy, NotGuitar, on a group outing, to this new bowling alley called Lucky Strike Lanes, and get to know each other (and have my friends screen him...)
Turns out, the lanes were booked solid for the entire night so the group proceeded to grab tables and receive the worst service ever. I got a call from NotGuitar saying he was going to be late, so this gave me ample time to grow more and more nervous all the while trying to fend of NotHusband and his talk of where we should go on our one year anniversary. *sigh*
So finally he shows up and I'm put almost immediately at ease. He is not a 50 year old balding man with 5 kids and three wives, but a really nice, tall, cute, and relatively scruffy looking 23 year old male.
I was pleased.
We proceeded to talk and watch sumo wrestling on the big screen tvs.
It's kind of odd, but we had talked for almost a year before even thinking about meeting. I immediately felt comfortable around him. But is it wrong to say that I was nervous up until meeting him for fear that there would be no attraction?

I swear that lately (especially last night), I seem to attract the sort of men that I could get if I wanted, but really I didn't want. It's always been a one way street with me, especially as of late.

But I digress. There was attraction. On my end, at least. We kept "making eyes" at each other, which is a good sign, in my book.

I don't want to talk about him too much because honestly, I think that will jinx things.

So for now I will leave you with a few things:
1. He and I hugged as we parted to board separate trains. Hugs are good things.
2. He emailed me the day after saying we need to hang out again soon.
3. We've been iming each other like crazy for the past few hours, but I have yet to "see" if he enjoyed meeting me.

I'm horrible at judging things...